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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Random earring - should I be suspicious?

128 replies

marmeladerose · 07/12/2018 17:58

First time poster, long time lurker here.

A quick background. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and lived for him for 2 of those. At few months ago I got a fantastic opportunity through work to relocate to London to work on a project which would last 8 months. He could not come due to work commitments (we lived together in Edinburgh) and we discussed it and decided I would go alone. We did long distance during university and it worked for us and 8 months isn't a long time in the bigger picture of things. Anyway off I went and he moved in with a friend for the duration and it was going well.

I am doing a qualification as part of the project so get odd weeks off here and there to study so I came home a few days ago for that. He is still going to work during the day and I was doing a quick tidy of his bedroom for him today and underneath some books on the bedside table I found a single big dangly earring. At first I just brushed it off and thought there must be a reasonable explanation for it, and continued with my cleaning. However it keeps coming back in to my head. Why is this earring here? It definitely isn't one of mine. And now I am sat on the bed staring at this Pat Butcher earring and stressing out. Please someone tell me IABU. I need advice.

OP posts:
imonlyherefortheAIBU · 07/12/2018 22:00

You've got to ask him otherwise Yourll drive yourself mad

BlimeyCalmDown · 07/12/2018 22:03

OP have you asked him yet? xx

TheSilentLamb · 07/12/2018 22:04

Does Pam St Clement have a Twitter account? You could DM her and ask if she's recently visited Edinburgh. There's almost always a reasonable explanation for anything.

fringegrin45 · 07/12/2018 22:04

It is possible that someone else borrowed the room - eg guests when he was at yours

But if you just come straight out and ask and he says it's not another woman how will you be sure it's true?

I'd dig around a bit first. Or just say to the friends GF you found an earring is it hers? Without saying where you found it

Guineapiggiesmalls · 07/12/2018 22:07

Any chance the earring could’ve been in the room before he moved in? Who was there before him?

I hope there’s an explanation for you.

whatamidoingwithmylife · 07/12/2018 22:08

I'd be very careful how you ask him and maybe look for any other evidence.
I caught my ex out and had evidence - when I confronted him, the way he answered was so sincere and believable that if I didn't already have evidence I'd have fallen hook, line and sinker for what he told me.

neveradullmoment99 · 07/12/2018 22:11

Cross dresser?

M0reGinPlease · 07/12/2018 22:14

I can't bear all this mumsnet 'don't show your hand' 'search for other evidence' 'keep the advantage'. Just ask him outright. Say I found this earring on the floor in your room, who's is it? One sane rational human being to another.

BeekyChitch · 07/12/2018 22:20

Dangly earrings suggests to me a woman was wearing them on a night out and possibly went back to his after meeting. That's what would be going through my head.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 07/12/2018 22:22

Can we see the earring for context? Is it his Mum's

BumbleBeee69 · 07/12/2018 22:30

How you doing OP Flowers

Weenurse · 07/12/2018 22:37

Any answer yet?

PenelopeFlintstone · 07/12/2018 22:41

I'm wondering how it got UNDER the books. Did he quickly slip it under them? Have the books been there a long time and piled up on an earring left there a long time ago, or recently read?

MissRhubarb · 07/12/2018 22:42

If he's really messy like you say OP there's a good chance it's been there since before he moved in, especially if his flat mate is messy too. Is he just untidy (clothes, etc...) or is he a bit scuzzy too with not hoovering, etc.

Reason I ask is that I moved into a rented flat - through a reputable agency. Checking over the inventory of the flat contents I found a pair of man's pants and a rugby ball under the bed left from the previous tenant that their cleaner had supposedly missed. They'd been there for almost a year. So tenant, cleaner and agency had all missed 'em.

In my twenties a girlfriend of mine once found a plastic bag containing vomit that her boyfriend did not realise was under his bed from 6 months before he moved in. Someone had puked at a party and left it there. Believe me I know how utterly disgusting this is!

Just saying that there can be explanations for things.

SoundsExciting · 07/12/2018 22:43

Why are you tidying up and even cleaning underneath his bed for him? Is he physically disabled?

MissRhubarb · 07/12/2018 22:48

p.s. I also found a woman's shoe under the table at my DP's during the early days of us getting together. It was an extremely large pink shoe. He has no female friends to speak of so I got incredibly suspicious, consoling myself that at least this other woman appeared to have giant size 10 clown feet. Turned out that he and his mates have a bet as part of their fantasy football nonsense involving buying the worst player a pair of women's shoes that they have to wear to the pub. Stupid, juvenile, but innocent. The other shoe was elsewhere in the flat because he is messy too.

Rudgie47 · 07/12/2018 22:52

I'd clean it then wear it and move my hair back around my ear and ask if he likes it?
His response will tell you all you need to know.

bluebell34567 · 07/12/2018 22:52

maybe he found it somewhere.

WhyAmISoCold · 07/12/2018 22:57

I would just be straight and ask him.

purplepigs · 07/12/2018 23:02

I say to him let's play a game..... let's go out my treat but first you have to help me figure out a puzzle and then say

Where's the other one? And show him

His reaction will give you your answer

And if he is cheating your better off without him !

Kittykat93 · 07/12/2018 23:02

Op just ask

Fiveletters · 07/12/2018 23:19

I’d be very suspicious and would have to ask straight away where it had come from.

Magenta46 · 07/12/2018 23:19

FWIW I found a pair of knickers that were not mine in my bedroom. I'm single and can only guess they made their way via the launderette when I took my duvet to be washed,

Charley50 · 07/12/2018 23:21

@Grannyannex - "Who’s do you know who wears hooped earrings"

Op said already, they're Pat Butchers! Grin

Sorry oP. I think they could have been there for ages..

Iloveautumnleaves · 07/12/2018 23:31

I think it’s one of those ‘only you know your bf’...

I’ve made mountains out of molehills, but I’ve also seen molehills where mountains stood ‍🤷🏻‍♀️