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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Random earring - should I be suspicious?

128 replies

marmeladerose · 07/12/2018 17:58

First time poster, long time lurker here.

A quick background. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and lived for him for 2 of those. At few months ago I got a fantastic opportunity through work to relocate to London to work on a project which would last 8 months. He could not come due to work commitments (we lived together in Edinburgh) and we discussed it and decided I would go alone. We did long distance during university and it worked for us and 8 months isn't a long time in the bigger picture of things. Anyway off I went and he moved in with a friend for the duration and it was going well.

I am doing a qualification as part of the project so get odd weeks off here and there to study so I came home a few days ago for that. He is still going to work during the day and I was doing a quick tidy of his bedroom for him today and underneath some books on the bedside table I found a single big dangly earring. At first I just brushed it off and thought there must be a reasonable explanation for it, and continued with my cleaning. However it keeps coming back in to my head. Why is this earring here? It definitely isn't one of mine. And now I am sat on the bed staring at this Pat Butcher earring and stressing out. Please someone tell me IABU. I need advice.

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 07/12/2018 20:06

We lived in a shared house and had been away. I was putting then DP, now DH's overnight bag under the bed and found them. We were both utterly puzzled. Oddly, at no point was I suspicious. A few hours later, our housemate came home and through many blushes asked if we had found any knickers in DH's room. Housemate's parents had been to stay in our absence and stayed in DH's room. They'd unpacked on returning home, found 3 things missing actually and phoned housemate. All located in our house. Perfectly innocent explanation.

Pfingstrose · 07/12/2018 20:10

Hopefully it will be a similar thing for @marmeladerose and the earring!

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2018 20:11

Seriously, just ask him, unless you're new to mumsnet you know if you just read the responses on here and don't do so you're going to be convinced hes cheating and no explanation will work.

Just ask him whose earring it is.

TheChickenOfTruth · 07/12/2018 20:38

If I actually truly suspected something from my partner, I would confront them and if I didn't 100% like or trust the answer, I'd be out.

If in my gut I didn't think they would do something like that... I'd still ask them. I can't be dealing with messing around and worrying about hypotheticals.

Who knows, maybe he found it in the street and thought he'd make a stupid Christmas ornament for his beard or something. It's an earring, a not a used condom. I pick up random shit all the time.

TheFaerieQueene · 07/12/2018 20:42

I think it was left there deliberately. Who only picks up one earring when they leave? Other than a pirate of course.

newmun · 07/12/2018 21:16

Ask him!!! And tell us what he said !!

SonEtLumiere · 07/12/2018 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 07/12/2018 21:22

I’d be suspicious. Does the friends girlfriend have Facebook maybe have a look at her photos see if she is wearing it.

LizzieSiddal · 07/12/2018 21:28

They are both very messy, he’s only just moved into that room and you found them underneath books, (are they definitely his books?) I’d assume they were already there.

TheSheepofWallSt · 07/12/2018 21:32

I knew I wasn’t in an exclusive relationship when I found a black hair grip, with a few strands of long black hair attached, in my boyfriends bed- that definitely wasn’t mine.

I ended it the next day. Didn’t bother giving him a reason, or dicking around with his alibis and explanations. When you know, you know.

HashTagLil · 07/12/2018 21:36

Ask him!!! And tell us what he said !!

Distasteful! This is someones life, not a soap opera!

jessstan2 · 07/12/2018 21:36

You have to ask him straight, op. Look at his face when he answers, you've been with him long enough to suss out if he is being shifty.
Good luck.

Foodylicious · 07/12/2018 21:39

Take a picture.
Put it back.
Ask him face to face "What is this doing by your bed?"

Autumnsunrise · 07/12/2018 21:43

All of you saying you'll be able to tell from his face, I fear you are sadly naive. Anyone cheating will have rehearsed this moment and then you've lost your advantage.

TheBubGrower · 07/12/2018 21:44

I think it's a silly idea to play games like leaving it out and seeing what he does with it, and silly to advise you not to ask him outright as then he'll cover his tracks... you've been in a relationship with him for years, it would be ridiculous if you have to play detective games rather than just asking him! What kind of relationship is that?! If you can't trust his answer then that says a lot. Ask him to his face though, don't do this over the phone

Neverender · 07/12/2018 21:47

I'd just ask, face to face, "Oh, I found this...whose could it be?"
In front on his mate. One of them will give the game away. You'll be able to tell if they're talking shit! Flowers

Bringbackbertha · 07/12/2018 21:49

Well.... I would assume that either

It was there before he moved in, he found it on the floor thought it was yours , picked it up and put it on the table before it got lost under books.

His mate used the room with his gf

Db found it out on the hallway thought it was yours and picked it up

Its from a girl he has brought back

Perhaps ask in.front of the housemate and gf... if he brought someone back surely they would.know aswell

Lovingbenidorm · 07/12/2018 21:51

You’ve been with this guy long enough to be able just to ask him what he makes of this rogue earring.
I would recommend openness, don’t start sneaking around on social media etc

cdtaylornats · 07/12/2018 21:52

How often do the books move? On my bedside table it would be weekly - on my sisters every other year.

Grannyannex · 07/12/2018 21:53

Does your DH ever visit you or go away? Could flat mates friend have slept in the room when empty?

Grannyannex · 07/12/2018 21:53

Who’s do you know who wears hooped ratings

Weenurse · 07/12/2018 21:55

Just ask, could be a simple explanation

notapizzaeater · 07/12/2018 21:55

I'd ask and check his reaction

Shambu · 07/12/2018 21:57

If they had a party and a couple could have used the room.

mumsastudent · 07/12/2018 21:58

thinks:could he have given someone lift in car & they innocently dropped earing he found it later picked it up & dumped to return/ ditto other guys friend dropped said earing in wash own boyfriends basket/ airing cupboard in pocket/ said earing got tangled/etc etc or boyfriend plastered & lads were messing about & earing gets into pocket or whatever …. just ask instead of worrying yourself...don't accuse just say I found this beside your bed raised eyebrow...you will be able to figure out from the way he answers