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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Random earring - should I be suspicious?

128 replies

marmeladerose · 07/12/2018 17:58

First time poster, long time lurker here.

A quick background. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and lived for him for 2 of those. At few months ago I got a fantastic opportunity through work to relocate to London to work on a project which would last 8 months. He could not come due to work commitments (we lived together in Edinburgh) and we discussed it and decided I would go alone. We did long distance during university and it worked for us and 8 months isn't a long time in the bigger picture of things. Anyway off I went and he moved in with a friend for the duration and it was going well.

I am doing a qualification as part of the project so get odd weeks off here and there to study so I came home a few days ago for that. He is still going to work during the day and I was doing a quick tidy of his bedroom for him today and underneath some books on the bedside table I found a single big dangly earring. At first I just brushed it off and thought there must be a reasonable explanation for it, and continued with my cleaning. However it keeps coming back in to my head. Why is this earring here? It definitely isn't one of mine. And now I am sat on the bed staring at this Pat Butcher earring and stressing out. Please someone tell me IABU. I need advice.

OP posts:

theWarOnPeace · 07/12/2018 18:26

Years ago I had, well, I didn’t think it was a one night stand until it got to the next morning 😩 a guy I’d hung out with a few times. Anyway I got up in the morning, had a quick shower and had to go home before work, I thought, as you do when you’re young and naive - wow this guy is my new man! Imagining our relationship for ever and ever, the whole fantasy planned out. Great time together, loads in common, gave me all the lines about wanting to have a family, wishing he could have girl like me to spoil....yada yada yada. As I was leaving in the morning, he dashed to the front door after I had just closed it, and said “you can’t leave these here!!!” Holding out my earrings with a look of abject terror on his face. Suspicious of the newly not wanting my stuff anywhere near him attitude, I was like errr ok I didn’t mean to, surely it’s not that big of an issue! He said well the thing is, I have a girlfriend..... she’d be soooo sad if she saw these and I’m sooo important to her and she’s fragile and she’s this and that. I couldn’t even respond, I just walked off. Never heard from him again, natch.

Notacluethisxmas · 07/12/2018 18:29

In all honesty I would suspicious.

However, when I left dh I went and stayed with my mum. Just me and her in the house and I found a pair of earrings on the floor of my room. I assumed they were hers. They weren't. So I assumed I just have got them wrapped up in my stuff when staying at a friend's a few nights before. And no they were hers either.

They are still at hers and no one knows where they come from.

SierraSmythe · 07/12/2018 18:30

If you do casually ask about, you'll be able to tell a lot from his reaction so make sure you do it face-to-face. If there is a perfectly reasonable explanation he should be able to tell you it straight away. Denying all knowledge would be extemely suspicious IMO.

Put yourself in his position; is there any way a man's watch would be on your bedside table under some books without a man having been there? Most unlikely!

jinglejangles0 · 07/12/2018 18:39

Ohh OP I really hope there is a reasonable explanation for this!

IHaveBrilloHair · 07/12/2018 18:41

It's suspicious and I'd definitely say planted by her too.

Pfingstrose · 07/12/2018 18:42

I would be suspicious.

Think I'd leave it on the bedside table in full view and see what he does when he notices it. If he just leaves it there perhaps there's nothing to hide (maybe it was found elsewhere in the house having been dropped by a visitor at some point and his friend's GF gave it to him to check it wasn't one of yours, or some such thing).

If you leave it in view and it vanishes I would be very suspicious...

Mookatron · 07/12/2018 18:44

I think it's suspicious too. But I also think you were 'tidying' his bedside table because you already felt something was off...

Positi · 07/12/2018 18:45

The possible explanation is it was something he found from a previous tenant. It's possible!

AperolSprizting · 07/12/2018 18:46

There is, is the possibility that it could have been your his friend using what is one of the rooms in his house to ‘entertain’, maybe not wanting to use his own room for obvious reasons. Has your bf ever been away for the week on hol or to visit you.

Given the style I’d earring I would very much say it’s been left there after a night out and that neither of them are likely to be having an affair if you see where I’m going with this.

It does happen tho, my friend found makeup on her husbands work shirt 😕.

YearOfYouRemember · 07/12/2018 18:48

It doesn't look good, OP. I'm really sorry. Have you decided what you are going to do or say to your boyfriend??

Original poster

marmeladerose · 07/12/2018 19:00

Honestly, Mookatron I was tidying because he is the messiest person ever and I am a neat freak. Maybe shouldn't be tidying up after him but I need a tidy room for a tidy mind or I wouldn't get any study done.

I am thinking leaving the earring on the bedside table and seeing what happens is a good idea. Or maybe just asking him about it directly. I also found a thimble (which I think came from an old monopoly) and can't find where that goes either.

OP posts:

LIVVI1234 · 07/12/2018 19:02

Could it maybe be his friends girlfriends earring? and maybe your bf picked it up thinking it was yours?

blindeyes · 07/12/2018 19:02

I really wouldn't ask him to be honest. I'd just put it back under the books. If the earring has come from another woman that he's taken back to his room, he'll make up some lie and then be more careful. I would put it back where you found it and try to keep and eye out for/find more evidence.

BumbleyBum · 07/12/2018 19:05

That’d bother me, I’d have to ask

Whisky2014 · 07/12/2018 19:06

It could have been from before he moved in maybe. If they are both messy im sure neither of them would even think about it.

ElizabethMainwaring · 07/12/2018 19:06

I'm sorry op, but she left the earring there on purpose.

Original poster

marmeladerose · 07/12/2018 19:10

It could be his friend's girlfriend, LIVVI1234. So that is why it could be a reasonable explanation for it all, and I just want to ask to get it over with.

OP posts:

JollyGiraffe · 07/12/2018 19:11

I would have to ask.

When I first got together with my partner, he let me borrow a pair of his socks as I was cold. When I opened his sock drawer there was a tube of concealer. He said he had no idea where it had come from, so I assumed it belonged to someone he had been seeing before and wasn'tbothered by it.

Fast forward 2 years, it turns out the concealer was his and he was embarrassed to admit it at the time

Original poster

marmeladerose · 07/12/2018 19:11

Whisky2014 That is a good point. I honestly just want to trust him.

OP posts:

KMoKMo · 07/12/2018 19:41

When will you speak to him then OP? I hope there’s an explanation.

JacquesHammer · 07/12/2018 19:43

I found an earring in my room that wasn’t mine.

Turned out it had come in stuck on the underside of boots with a deep tread!

Hope it’s something innocent

OohBabyBabeh · 07/12/2018 19:46

Just ask him! You have reason to be suspicious. If he found a mans watch in your bed he would ask too, I'm sure. If he's a decent guy with a genuine explanation then he won't be angry. If he gets angry then well, that's your answer.

MadeForThis · 07/12/2018 19:50

Just be upfront and ask. After 6 years hopefully you will sense if he's uncomfortable or lying.

ShowOfHands · 07/12/2018 19:56

Ask.

I found women's knickers under DH's bed once. There was a perfectly innocent explanation.

Pfingstrose · 07/12/2018 20:00

What was the perfectly innocent explanation for the knickers under the bed @ShowOfHands? I'm curious!

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