How much would you expect to spend on a hen do?

[mybumpismostlypudding]

As a bridesmaid? I've got a hen do coming up and it's looking really expensive and it's starting to make me really cross, but I think I might be being a bit unreasonable as I'm not brave enough to actually say anything!

It's already going to be £175 for the weekend, plus whatever I have to pay to travel there, plus we still need to buy decorations etc. and some of the other bridesmaids want to buy loads of bride themed tat novelty gifts for the bride to be AND want to tack on an extra activity for another £70

I'm all for giving her a big send off, but this is looking like it'll be around £250-300 in total, which is my total monthly disposable income I'm having a baby soon, I don't want to spend my all pennies on one weekend!

I'm old enough to remember when hen nights and stag nights both consisted of pub crawls around the local town.

I really don't get the fad for weekends away and loads of activities. It seems quite entitled of the bride and groom to expect their friends to fork out so much money to celebrate their big day.

You sound passive about this: you agreed to the weekend away without having full info on the cost first, and now don’t want to say no to additional, discretionary costs, because you’re worried about what your friend the bride and the other women will think.

So it’s a choice between assertiveness, or paying the money.

cariadlet
I also think it’s entitled. Admittedly the one I went to a few years ago was 2 nights away. But that was renting a big house for not much money. Full occupancy. All giving cash for a food delivery and cooking / having fun together. No planned activities apart from going out for a few hours here and there if you wanted for a mooch and ice cream. Bride brought something inexpensive herself, which tbh is how it should be seeing as we were honouring her, she was honouring us for coming.

Just had this ... discussion with family recently. DH and I both expected to go on the each of the bride's hen do's, one wanted to go abroad (about £300 + food/drink/activities) and one wanted to stay somewhere for a weekend (£500 + travel/food/drink/activities). We have a baby and I'm pregnant - no way we could drop that money on a weekend. I flat out refused to go on the £500 one and DH expressed his unwillingness for the other (but would have gone as it was his DS).
Both saw sense and it's now coming to £200 total 😁

When DH and I got married his stag cost £15 per person plus a meal, and my hen do cost a meal.

I read a post on here once from somebody who was invited on a hen trip to Ibiza, where the organiser had decided that they would all be spending one of the days at Ushuaia, one of the more expensive beach clubs, where you had to pay €50 to book a sunbed before you even started buying expensive drinks. She was really worried about it. Feels like some hen trip organisers need to scale back their ambitions a bit: it’s quite selfish to assume that everybody wants to spend hundreds on a hen do, even if they can afford to do so.

Yeah it does sound expensive but you need to start being a bit more assertive op. If you can't afford to do it all then say so!

I was really conscious about what my friends were spending as we got married in Ibiza - but when we worked it out, dh and I were paying for the villa (for a week - hen/stag and wedding) so they paid around £70 each for flights and then £80 for the hen (which covered a day at ocean beach club - it was a minimum spend on food/drink and included entry and the day bed) so it worked out about £150 per person for the whole holiday which we felt was pretty good. I've typically spent around £250 on hen dos but normally that's a weekend away.
I do have one friend who wants to go to Vegas for her hen so I've told her I'll need lots of notice to save up for that one!!

Going away for a weekend with a group of women, some of whom I barely know, is my idea of hell. If I go away for the weekend, I want it to be with my family or maybe 2 or 3 friends. Plus all the cheesy stupid 'activities' etc. It just leaves me cold. When did it become a 'thing' that everyone 'must' do?

I'd rather just go on a night out/nice meal.

So I'd spend 0 pounds because I just wouldn't go.

A meal out, maybe a little towards a tacky sash and balloon for someone else's. I covered the costs of my own for my guests.

I hate expensive hen do's though and don't think weddings should cost guests to attend bar new outfit if needed and transport.

If you’re pregnant then you have that as your get out. You won’t be drinking, will probably be tired. I would just make my excuses and duck out, bridesmaid or not. Maybe you could do something special for the bride to make up for “not being able to travel”.

Love the idea of bbq and drinks in the garden . Every time I see a group on a hen weekend most look miserable and embarrassed to be going round in matching outfits trying to look like they are having a good time .

I think to be fair, £200-300 isn’t bad for a weekend away. Obviously the fact you don’t want to do it is a different matter

I’d expect to pay the same, and £150ish for a night out. I haven’t done dinner and drinks for £50 since the last time i went to pizza express

I think the cost sounds about normal. But if you don't have it to spare just say so and don't go. Nobody is forcing you.

The cost of a meal and drinks so £50 or less. Anything else is ott.

I wouldn't get involved in a weekend-away hen do or an activity. I'd go for drinks and a meal, so the cost of my meal and drinks plus share of hen's costs - £50 - £60?

I didn't expect anyone to pay anything for mine but then we were quite civilised - cocktails and dinner and in bed by 11pm!

I footed the bill because it was my night.

My friends have all done just a night with maybe one or two activities in the day. If say 100 - 150? That

...oops. that includes hen dos for some very high earners who recognised not everyone has the same disposable income

I don't really understand the concept of the whole weekend away in ibiza or something to celebrate your wedding. People are already celebrating the wedding at the wedding. I think expecting people to go on holiday to further celebrate hit big day is very cheeky

Just to clarify as there have been a couple of posts which feel directed at me - our wedding was in Ibiza and we did a hen and stag day whilst out there. Our friends were thrilled to pay less than the cost of a normal hen do for a weeks holiday including the hen and wedding itself - but I understand that not everybody would like this, and people could say no if they didn't want to go.
I'm just hoping others do the same as I've spent twice that on weekends away for hen dos several times (plus travel and a night away for the wedding).

I went on one this year that cost me nearly £300 - petrol, night in a spa hotel, spa treatment, eating out, and fun activity.

I'd try and say something if it's going to be a problem - at least cut out the novelty gifts and maybe rethink the activity.

You must live on a different planet to most mumsnetters Caprisun.
£150 for a night out is a lot of money. Where I live you can get a pretty decent meal with drinks for £50.

If you'd asked me a couple of years ago, I would have said maybe £100, but none of the hen dos I've been on have been less than £150!

Mine is next year and I've begged my bridesmaids to make it as cheap as possible but I have no idea how much everyone is spending

I've got one in July (in Newcastle) which has already cost me £110 and that's just for accommodation.

I was invited to one that was going to be around £600 in total (flights, accommodation, activities, food, cabs etc). Abroad in Europe. I declined as couldn't really afford it. Wouldn't spend that much on a holiday to Europe on myself even!

Why on earth are people so passive about being guilt tripped into going on a hen do they can't afford? This is why so many bridezillas get away with it. Because they have friends who aren't assertive enough to tell them to rein it back a bit.

TBH I do get irritated by these passive posters who can't put their big knickers on and say "no, I can't afford it". It isn't embarrassing or shameful to not be able to afford something like this.

OP you just need to say to the organiser that you have already spent more than you can afford and "please don't guilt trip me into spending money I don't have". End of.

If it's too much just drop out the whole thing and say why. "I'm sorry, with my baby coming I can't spend as much, but have a lovely time". Job done. I think that unless you are close to them why would you want to spend a month's disposable income on it.