How much would you expect to spend on a hen do?

[mybumpismostlypudding]

As a bridesmaid? I've got a hen do coming up and it's looking really expensive and it's starting to make me really cross, but I think I might be being a bit unreasonable as I'm not brave enough to actually say anything!

It's already going to be £175 for the weekend, plus whatever I have to pay to travel there, plus we still need to buy decorations etc. and some of the other bridesmaids want to buy loads of bride themed tat novelty gifts for the bride to be AND want to tack on an extra activity for another £70

I'm all for giving her a big send off, but this is looking like it'll be around £250-300 in total, which is my total monthly disposable income I'm having a baby soon, I don't want to spend my all pennies on one weekend!

[TheDustbunny]

I am not making it about me. I answered the question that the OP asked and I stated that there's no way that I'd pay that much for a hen party. What I didn't say is what I would spend which is £100 max. I would attend one but I draw the line at spending hundreds of pounds or days of activities. I'm not the only one who has stated that they think the expectations people have of their guests over hen parties are becoming ridiculous now.

[cariadlet]

why do something you don't want or 'scale back' to make other people happy when it's your weekend away, as you are the person getting married after all... Most people only plan on getting married once so would like to do something memorable and special for themselves WITH close friends to mark the occasion.

Isn't that what weddings are for?

The bride and groom pay for the wedding so they get to choose the scale/style, wedding venue etc etc.

Hen nights and stag nights used to just be a chance to let your hair down with female/male friends before the big day. Why the need to turn them into expensive holidays?

It's one thing for a group of friends to decide they fancy going away for a weekend or for a longer holiday, choose together where they want to go and what they want to do when they get there. That sounds a great idea.
But the expectation that so many brides have now that their friends should be honoured to be allowed to spend a fortune on a hen do (in addition to the cost of attending the wedding) is ridiculous.

[StinkySaurus]

I think it snow balls, because you end up doing a more costly hen do before any of you have houses, kids and other drains on money. And then as you get older and adulting happens you end up feeling like you have to have a big hen do for Sandra because you did it for Kim when you were young and carefree ish. It’s so annoying! Costs quickly spiral!

[LoniceraJaponica]

"why do something you don't want or 'scale back' to make other people happy when it's your weekend away, as you are the person getting married after all... Most people only plan on getting married once so would like to do something memorable and special for themselves WITH close friends to mark the occasion."

Because, to some of us, having the people you love around you is much much more important than the place or activity.

It is intrinsically selfish to have an expensive hen do and invite people that you know will struggle to afford it. Basically you are telling those people that where you have the hen do is more important than having your nearest and dearest with you.

[feelingverylazytoday]

I'd only do an evening , so however much that costs nowadays.

[speakout]

Zero.

A hen do is my idea of hell.

[maddening]

For mine I did cocktail masterclass for which we got our costs worth in drink - £35, local town but for those who wanted to stay over there was a travelodge which was £50per night (so £25 pp of you shared) a meal where we ordered what we wanted so could spend £5 or £20 and then a cocktail bar where I paid for some bottles of champagne to be on the table when we arrived. Quite frankly why you would want to put your friends out so much money is beyond me.

[Seafoodeatit]

I'm another that wouldn't be happy to spend more that £100 all in, I wouldn't go to a weekend thing either.

[HugoBearsMummy]

So infuriating when people choose to not read comments correctly. Not once did I say that anyone should make their friends or family feel like rubbish because they can not afford to attend their hen do/weekend.

But I do believe that a bride should have the weekend she wants, if this means some people can not attend then the bride must accept this & not take it personally regardless of whether the person is a bridesmaid/sister/distant work colleague. Some people have weekends abroad etc as they only want their closest people in attendance, much like when people get married abroad.
Others have a cheaper night out down the local pub where they know 30 people will be able to attend. It's up to the bride at the end of the day. Jeez!

[HugoBearsMummy]

And I don't think it's selfish for a bride to do what she would like for her hen do, no doubt the bride has been to plenty of their friends hen do's or weekends, now it's her turn to do what she would like!
Ten close friends were invited to mine I gave 1 years notice and booked through a company where you could do a payment plan monthly, only one couldn't come as she was TTC and didn't want to commit to a weekend away.
No one ever mentioned money but if they had done I would not have been offended. They all came & we had a lovely time.
I actually think it'd be very selfish for someone who's invited to a hen do to moan because of a bride's choices!

[Torsz]

@HugoBearsMummy couldn't agree more with pretty much everything you've said on here!
What people don't seem to understand is that normally close friends have things in common and actually like doing the same things. Our friends were begging us to get married in Ibiza as they'd always wanted an excuse to go, and my girls helped me plan the hen so we had a day out that we all wanted. They didn't begrudge spending money as they weren't wasting money doing something that just I wanted to do - it was basically an excuse for our group to have a brilliant girly day out. And the other hens I've been to have been the same - eg a weekend away in Lisbon, a spa trip - and I happily spend the money for quality time with my closest friends.
If I get invited to something which I wouldn't enjoy (which typically means it's not for a close friend) or which I can't afford then I decline - nobody has a problem with that.
Personally I'd pick a weekend away with my best friends over a cheap meal any time - but everybody is different and I don't have a problem with that (unlike several people on this thread!)
We were actually saying the other day how sad it is that nobody in our friendship group is getting married next year so we won't have any girls trips!!

[HugoBearsMummy]

@Torsz thank you for the support !

[LoniceraJaponica]

HugoBearsMummy that's fair enough, but I think you are missing the point that many brides/MOHs don't kow the hen party well enough to know that an expensive hen do may not be achievable for all the invitees.

If I had to be MOH I would find out the top budget for all the invitees before making any plans, then bounce some ideas with them before booking anything.

[TheBigBangRocks]

Weddings seem to be getting out of hand. The focus for many is what the bride wants so expensive hen do that others pay for, a huge party and cash for a honeymoon.

Very few now seem to be about the actual ceremony and the promises they are making to each other. It's little wonder the divorce rate is so high as little thought seems to be given to the actual marriage as it's all about the brides day.

[LoniceraJaponica]

I agree The BigBangRocks

[Caprisunorange]

Honestly weddings have been like this for 20 years now bigbang. Divorce rate is lower than it used to be.

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

The price of a meal drinks at the most. I've never been to anyone else's hen do an never will. Mine was a meal at a chain restaurant and I only did that as other people wanted me to do something.

[explodingkittensexpansion]

Less than £100. Local meal out and drinks. All this overnight stuff is just tacky.

[LoniceraJaponica]

Probably because fewer people are getting married Caprisun

[Torsz]

God it's so tacky spending money on going away with friends. We should be spending all that money on educational materials and trips to museums, not on having fun 😂

[Caprisunorange]

Well the divorce rate is the % of married people who divorce so it doesn’t really make any difference whether fewer people marry.

[Eledamorena]

My hen do was a day out at a festival locally for a small group and then a few more friends joined for dinner and drinks. I told the friend organising it that some people would be on a small budget so she deliberately chose a cheap restaurant everyone could comfortably afford. To be honest the best bit was hanging out with all my friends before we left for dinner!

I'd be too embarrassed to add up how much the most expensive one I've attended cost... It was a weekend in Vegas!! We were very young and carefree, first friend to get married. Thank God we didn't all follow suit with mad hen weekends!

And importantly... We had the money to do it and were happy to do so, the hen thing was just an excuse to finally go. It was originally just the bride and 2 bridesmaids, but we chipped in for one more person to join us who otherwise wouldn't have been able to come. It was great but obviously only in those circumstances, I wouldn't dream of asking anyone to spend more than about 50 quid unless they were clearly totally up for it and we would be doing something they genuinely wanted to do.

Being a wedding guest can be pricey enough without tacking on hen and stag do costs. Especially when you go through that period of everyone getting married in the same couple of years!

[MrsGollach]

This is one of those things that has gone completely over the top and become quite tacky.

Go out for dinner or down to the pub together and have fun.

[NotUsedBySomeoneElse]

Honestly, unless it was a relative or very close friend, maybe a little more than the cost of an average night out. If I was bridesmaid (only likely for my sister) then maybe enough for a night away. If my sister gets married we probably won’t bother though. I never had a hen do. The whole idea didn’t appeal to me.

A very good friend of mine got married a few years back and had what I considered to be an expensive do. £80 for meal and day out and minibus. Transport to and from her house + drinks + other extras made it closer to £150. Good friend so I guess it’s not so bad, but she doesn’t live in the UK (came back for hen do) so her actual wedding involved flights and hotel, + food and drink in expensive hotel she married at as we had to stay for 3 nights due to times of ceremony etc. Going to her wedding cost us £600+ at least so might have been nice to keep the hen do a bit more budget friendly.

[Caprisunorange]

I think the thing is lots of women go for dinner or a few drinks with their friends regularly. So doing that for a hen isn’t special, it’s just a normal Friday night out. What’s the point?