How much would you expect to spend on a hen do?

[mybumpismostlypudding]

As a bridesmaid? I've got a hen do coming up and it's looking really expensive and it's starting to make me really cross, but I think I might be being a bit unreasonable as I'm not brave enough to actually say anything!

It's already going to be £175 for the weekend, plus whatever I have to pay to travel there, plus we still need to buy decorations etc. and some of the other bridesmaids want to buy loads of bride themed tat novelty gifts for the bride to be AND want to tack on an extra activity for another £70

I'm all for giving her a big send off, but this is looking like it'll be around £250-300 in total, which is my total monthly disposable income I'm having a baby soon, I don't want to spend my all pennies on one weekend!

[OohBabyBabeh]

I would expect to pay no more than £100 on a celebration. I hate weekend hen dos, they're tacky and awkward because you're not all from the same friendship group. One night/day out for around £100 is fine IMO

[mybumpismostlypudding]

Lonicera I know I sound annoying, I'm annoying myself
The bride is a family friend, I've known her my whole life, I'm her bridesmaid, I want to go! I just resent spending all this money when I won't really know anyone else there

Tbh given half of you think £175 is a reasonable amount to spend then I can go for that and stop moaning haha

[TheDustbunny]

There's not a chance in hell that I'd pay £175 or anything close to that for a hen party. I think it's disgusting to expect people to spend a fortune or go away for days at a time with numerous activities. What's wrong with dinner and drinks?

[LegoAdventCalendar]

What Lonicera said. So suck it up and spunk the money if you're not going to say no.

I've been invited to 'big birthdays' that are like this (seems like the latest trend among entitled, self-obsessed people). And whilst technically we can afford it, it's not how I want to spend our money, so I just decline.

^I really don't get the fad for weekends away and loads of activities. It seems quite entitled of the bride and groom to expect their friends to fork out so much money to celebrate their big day.&

Same.

[Torsz]

Wow some people are angry/spiteful on here! Surely it depends on your financial situation and friendships - sometimes people invite me to things I can't afford or where I don't know many people and I make an excuse and decline. Other times it's something with close friends where I'd get to spend quality time doing something that I wouldn't have otherwise had an opportunity to do - and I happily accept.
I don't understand this thing about being self-centred and selfish for inviting people to come celebrate something with you?!

[April2020mom]

£200 is my upper limit. Anything more sounds unreasonable. I’m getting married next summer and we decided to have a hen day instead. We are going to have afternoon tea at a decent hotel and a pampering day that’s it. Nothing too fancy or expensive either.

[LegoAdventCalendar]

I don't understand this thing about being self-centred and selfish for inviting people to come celebrate something with you?!

That's very telling of you then if it involves people spending a load of money or time to do it. 'Come spend tons of cash and use up annual leave time for ME! I'll dictate how you do it, too! Me! Oh, and give me a gift, too!'

[Planesmistakenforstars]

For a sister or best friend, no more than £100.

[BrightYellowDaffodil]

Going away for a weekend with a group of women, some of whom I barely know, is my idea of hell. If I go away for the weekend, I want it to be with my family or maybe 2 or 3 friends. Plus all the cheesy stupid 'activities' etc. It just leaves me cold. When did it become a 'thing' that everyone 'must' do?

This. I don’t want a “girly” spa day; I’d rather chew my own eyeballs than spend a precious weekend afternoon wearing a bathrobe and making polite conversation with people I hardly know. I don’t want to shell out for activities (cocktail making, jewellery making and anything ostensibly “risqué” I'm looking at you - if I wanted to learn these things, I would and without paying over the odds for an ersatz version because it includes “bubbles”).

Anything more than a meal coming in at about £50 and I’m out.

[Lyricallie]

I’m not sure about you all but I love going and doing things with my friends. If it’s for the girls I’ve been a bridesmaid for I probably know them quite well (being as I’m close enough to be a bridesmaid) I wouldn’t see it as “come spend money on me” more of let’s use this as an excuse to all get together and have fun as we all live so far from each other!

The two I went to last year was a night out with cocktail making, boogie bus and dinner and dancing “theme was tacky so makes sense” and was probably about 150-200 as I lived in London at the time (with no money) and had to get to Glasgow. But this was for my best friend of course I’d want to go!

Then the next one was night away in a cottage with friends with flower crown making and we all brought snacks/chipped in for food and we all gave lifts in the car so that was probably about the same as again I had to get up from London. Sure I didn’t know some of the people but I was with my best friends having a laugh and fun!

A lot of you seem like you don’t even want to spend time with your best friends regardless if how much it cost e.g “my idea of hell.”

I’m getting married in 2020 and I’d hope none of my friends would think spending time together and just being silly would be their idea of hell and if so I’d hope they’d rather make up an excuse not to come.

If you really can’t afford it speak to your friend you’re obviously close enough that you’re invited/bridesmaid so surely they’ll have a vague idea of your situation anyway. I’d be mortified if this happened with my friends and no one said anything.

[TheDustbunny]

I like seeing my friends occasionally but I have no desire to spend hundreds to do so unless it involves an activity that we both adore. One day is enough for me. I'm an autistic introvert and one day is generally my limit.

I also don't drink, dance or do anything especially physical like Go Ape(due to phobias and disabilities) so most hen parties don't hold enough appeal for me to throw away hundreds of pounds on them.

[TheDustbunny]

And I do think it's cheeky to expect people to spend a fortune or days of their time on a hen weekend, unless you've been talking about certain things that you'd love to do together and know that you can all afford it. Fine, have a hen night but why have they turned into days of events or even a week abroad together, as one person I know demanded that her bridal party and friends attend, and wasn't at all happy when most declined.

[HugoBearsMummy]

I'm going to go against the grain here, but surely the Hen Doo should be something the bride WANTS to do and is within her means, and people who she decides to invite along should not feel obliged to go if they can not afford it. I wanted to go to London for 2 nights, have a couple of nice meals out, cocktail making and see a west end show. So that's what I booked. If one of my friends could not come because they could not afford it then I'd have been 100% okay with that & would not have given them a hard time about it, but I also would not have changed my plans either, as that's what I really wanted to do. People who are saying that the Brides or whoever plans the hen doo should do it on the cheap to please the entire group, WHY? Just pipe up and say if you don't want to attend due to cost or whatever other factor there may be.
I knew that the opportunity to go away for a girly break would be very few and far between once married as we were starting huge house renovations and also TTC (now 6 months preg) and have a 3YO, so I wanted to go 'all out' for my hen, Can't see how that's such a bad thing...

[BrightYellowDaffodil]

A lot of you seem like you don’t even want to spend time with your best friends regardless if how much it cost e.g “my idea of hell.”

I always want to spend time with my friends since they are, you know, my friends. Sometimes we do go and do something specific - e.g. theatre or trip away - but the difference is that we all have a say in the matter and everyone is free not to go. You don't need to be guilt-tripped into spending a shit load of money in order to spend time with your friends.

[LegoAdventCalendar]

Hen 'doo' . It's a do.

but surely the Hen Doo should be something the bride WANTS to do and is within her means,

Yeah, sod the guests! It's all about oneself. Why not just go and do what you want on your own then?

[Caprisunorange]

“I like to see my friends occasionally” tbh I think this says it all about some of the attitudes here. Ime my circle of friends love seeing eachother and do so eagerly. And whilst I think most people are sympathetic to keeping costs realistic I don’t think under £50 for a hen party is realistic.

A lot of posters on here obviously have no desire at all to celebrate with their friends and that’s fine. But I think it’s quite a niche point of view and maybe comes from a place where close female friendships aren’t very common.

[HugoBearsMummy]

Yeah, sod the guests! It's all about oneself. Why not just go and do what you want on your own then? Not sod the guests at all, but why do something you don't want or 'scale back' to make other people happy when it's your weekend away, as you are the person getting married after all... Most people only plan on getting married once so would like to do something memorable and special for themselves WITH close friends to mark the occasion. If people can not attend due to cost then they most certainly should not be made to feel shit about it but I don't think they can also grumble that their needs haven't been accommodated for... Just don't go !

And I'll ignore the pathetic 'dig' spelling police...

[HugoBearsMummy]

I don't understand this thing about being self-centred and selfish for inviting people to come celebrate something with you?! Exactly! Bizarre thought processes on this thread.

[LegoAdventCalendar]

Not sod the guests at all, but why do something you don't want or 'scale back' to make other people happy when it's your weekend away, as you are the person getting married after all...

Because considerate people consider their guests if they are going to invite them along to something. Just a thought. No one owns a weekend, or a day.

Pointing out correct spelling is not a dig.

[TheDustbunny]

What bollocks. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to see one's friends occasionally. It's neither inferior or superior to wanting to seeing one's friends regularly. Different people like different things that's all. I'm autistic and have other disabilities and find social occasions physically and emotionally draining so I don't care to go out with friends too often, but we talk regularly online.

[Caprisunorange]

And as I say, I don’t think that’s representative of people who enjoy close female friendships. Which hen parties are generally a celebration of.

[Howdoyoudoit31]

For a weekend away abroad I’d expect to spend £250-£300 plus spending money.

For a weekend away in the uk about £250-£300 all in.

[TheDustbunny]

I'll be the judge if I feel close to my friends, thank you very much, but that doesn't mean that we have to see each other constantly. We talk most nights and meet about every 6 weeks or so.Two of my friends also have autism so it suits us and two live a few hundred miles away. There are people who continue close friendships when they are thousands of miles apart, yet they still have a strong relationship.

Thankfully we tend to have similar interests so anything planned regarding a hen party is likely to be something I might enjoy(a few exceptions aside) but I still wouldn't want to pay out hundreds of pounds for the 'privilege'

[Caprisunorange]

You’re making this very much about you dust bunny, which it isn’t.
You’ve posted on a thread about hen parties to give the very niche view that you only see friends occasionally and don’t like doing anything hen party like and therefore won’t be up for a hen party

[HugoBearsMummy]

Because considerate people consider their guests if they are going to invite them along to something. Just a thought. No one owns a weekend, or a day. But it's THEIR hen weekend as THEY are the one getting married. So therefore not entirely unreasonable to plan how they so wish?? It of course WOULD be unreasonable to make people feel shite if they could not attend.

I was invited on a 4 day break to Ibiza for a hen weekend, I politely declined as I could not afford it, not once did I think 'how insensitive of bride to not think about my personal finances before inviting me' Didn't even enter my mind, and she was totally fine with it. Ended up she changed her mind and decided on a 2 day break in UK instead which was in my budget so I happily attended & had a great time... Can not see the issue.