How much would you expect to spend on a hen do?

[mybumpismostlypudding]

As a bridesmaid? I've got a hen do coming up and it's looking really expensive and it's starting to make me really cross, but I think I might be being a bit unreasonable as I'm not brave enough to actually say anything!

It's already going to be £175 for the weekend, plus whatever I have to pay to travel there, plus we still need to buy decorations etc. and some of the other bridesmaids want to buy loads of bride themed tat novelty gifts for the bride to be AND want to tack on an extra activity for another £70

I'm all for giving her a big send off, but this is looking like it'll be around £250-300 in total, which is my total monthly disposable income I'm having a baby soon, I don't want to spend my all pennies on one weekend!

[StoppinBy]

I would only pay for things that I wanted to do, I would not pay for any organised 'compulsory' activities unless agreed prior.

I would pay for my drinks/meal if I decided to go to a night out but only if it was either a cheap set meal price or I could pick off the menu.

No way would I be spending all the money you have outlined they want to spend.YANBU

[Torsz]

I've just realised we went on a family holiday to Canada for my mums 60th in August. I hadn't realised it was tacky and selfish of her to get us to go away to celebrate something that's about her. Guess we should've just gone out for a meal instead...

[Caprisunorange]

Yeah. In the harvester Torsz 🤣

[Gwenhwyfar]

I've been on a weekend away. It was in a shared chalet so not expensive. I'm not sure I'd do one in a hotel.
Oh yes, and there was one in one of the girls' parents' holiday flat - no accommodation costs there, just travel and a big meal.

[HugoBearsMummy]

@Caprisunorange @Torsz

[Belindabauer]

caprisunorange makes a valid point.
Many moons ago people rarely went out for dinner and drinks with friends, now it's common place, so hen and stag dos have moved on.
The same applies to weddings. I'm guessing most bride and grooms don't ask for bedding, cutlery, crockery, pans etc etc as wedding gifts nowadays, they openly ask for money. This would have been unheard of not so long ago.
Therefore times change. Hen dos change just as wedding gift lists have changed.
60 years ago most brides would certainly not have admitted to being pregnant before the wedding night, never mind have a child before being married. Now nobody cares, times change. I think people need to get with the times.
If you don't want to go on the hen do dont. But don't expect that part of the wedding plan to stay stuck in the past.

[LoniceraJaponica]

I hadn't thought of it that way Belinda. Those are valid points, but it doesn't excuse the fact that for many people expensive hen dos and destination weddings are unachievable.

[Fantastiqueangel]

A hen do used to mean something though. Women's lives did change more after marriage. Now, for most, it doesn't. It did used to be a last night of freedom, a send off. Less need for a big fuss now I'd have thought.

[Belindabauer]

Well I personally wouldn't travel 4 hours plus to someone's wedding who I barely knew, or stay overnight in this country like people appear to do on mn.
I must be unusual as I didn't invite my half cousins once removed and all their partners. We simply couldn't afford it. But it would have been considered vulgar to ask for money when I got married but it seems to be the norm now. People also appear to give an amount of money depending on how much then personally get from the wedding.
I've seen posts on here say "well I had to pay for my own drinks otherwise I would have given them more cash." And so on.
I have enjoyed the hen dos I've attended.
The worst ones have been the go for a quiet meal and a few drinks. No offence but nothing special and although I enjoyed chatting to who I was seated next to, apart from that id prefer to pay more and do something special/more memorable but that's my preference.

[EmeraldShamrock]

My heart falls when I get a wedding invite, especially someone close who you really want to see getting married, I just don't want to have to spend nearly 1000 for the pleasure.
Hen do, outfit, wedding gift, accomadation, spending money.
I know it is an invite, not a summons when it is close friends and family it is hard to refuse.

[AJ1425]

I've just been on one this last weekend, a night at brides home town and then a night abroad, rough cost £550 for travel, accommodations, drinks, activities. Not including clothes and extras. That is too much.

[Purpletigers]

£50- £100 for a meal and drinks or afternoon tea and some cocktails afterwards . Don’t go abroad if you don’t want to . It’s madness !

[LizB62A]

It doesn't matter whether we think it's too much, it matters that you think it's too much

(and - for the record - I think it's unfair to expect people to shell out that much for the hen do, on top of what people will be paying to attend the wedding - new dress, pressie, maybe hotel)