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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people see not going to the Christmas party as a badge of honored

110 replies

Quipsandquotes · 06/12/2018 19:33

Every year you see threads where people seem to be looking down their noses at the very idea of going to the office Christmas do. It's like they think saying "I'd rather gouge my eyes out' " I spend enough time with these people all week" "I'd rather be cuddled up at home with DH and DS" puts them in some kind of superior category to the 'saddos' looking forward to the Christmas party.

AIBU to think that this is a bit pathetic? No problem with anyone not wanting to go, I haven't gone to my own for the last few years. But not because it's beneath me, it just isn't that convenient for me to get into town at night anymore.

OP posts:
dippledorus · 07/12/2018 07:42

Oh to be able to pick a job just because you like your colleagues.

I’ve worked places where I didn’t fit and it was compulsory to attend the work do.

Also worked places where I met my best friend.

Not everyone wants to go and that’s ok.

MsSensibleWay · 07/12/2018 07:43

Why do people think not going = feeling superior to those that do? You're just projecting your own feelings onto other people's decisions. Not one single person on this thread has said they don't go because they're better than the people who do.

Mercurial123 · 07/12/2018 08:00

So many people getting outraged about nothing. I'd love a martyrs badge though.

DuchessofPemberley · 07/12/2018 08:07

Why do people think not going = feeling superior to those that do? You're just projecting your own feelings onto other people's decisions. Not one single person on this thread has said they don't go because they're better than the people who do.

This.

I don’t hate my colleagues. I love my job. I’m just an introvert who feels more comfortable in smaller groups than in a big group setting.

OliviaStabler · 07/12/2018 08:12

I was not told this during the interview process. I am therefore effectively being MADE to go.

But you are being paid so no different to being in the office just less work. Besides you get a chance to get to know your new colleagues.

user1471590586 · 07/12/2018 08:32

As a stay at home mum I would love to have a Christmas party to go to.

scoobydoobydoooooh · 07/12/2018 10:12

As usual, a load of people misreading the OP so that they can go on a defensive whinge and whine.

She has made it quite clear that she hasn't gone to her Christmas party for a few years, because the location isn't convenient. She has also stated that she isn't taking issue with people who don't go to their party.
She is talking about the kind of person who can't just say that they're not going because it's not really their thing, but have to make a big statement about how they have far more important things to do, wouldn't dream of 'wasting' a night on their colleagues, or a smuggie comment about being curled up at home with their kids and mugs of drinking chocolate.
But still you get the posters coming on saying 'YABU I'm an introvert', 'YABU, I don't go but I certainly don't thing it's beneath me'.

Well, that's okay then. She's not talking about you.

She's talking about the 'too cool for school' brigade who like to talk about their office party with a note of contempt.

YANBU OP. I have noticed these posts year after year on here.

scoobydoobydoooooh · 07/12/2018 10:13

Oh, and I have seen people on many threads specifically say the comments that the OP is talking about. Not on this thread, but on many many threads.

Channablu3 · 07/12/2018 11:06

I went to the work Xmas party in a hotel, that included a free hotel room, meal, drinks, entertainment. There was free transport too. I thought that it was a shame that the company spent lots of money and the function was under attended

ShesABelter · 07/12/2018 11:10

Na I don't think they think they are better just that they personally aren't the type of person to enjoy the party. Why would anyone want someone to be there who isn't going to enjoy it anyway so better for all involved if people like that stay at home.

I use to love the Xmas night out at my old work. Worked in cosmetics and we all got glammed up and had a great night dancing at a proper party night. This yesr I work with four male engineers and they are going a pub crawl and getting absolutely pissed, so I'm just going to give it a miss as it's not my idea of fun and I really would rather be at home.

BoringSoup · 07/12/2018 11:13

As an introvert, the idea of going to any do fills me with horror, let alone the Xmas do.

scoobydoobydoooooh · 07/12/2018 11:30

What has that got to do with the OP BoringSoup?

Homethroughthepuddles · 07/12/2018 12:00

I've just seen someone on another thread say 'I work with these people, I don't socialise with them'.

I think that is the kind of comment and attitude the OP is talking about.

But I've seen threads like this one before and you will always get people taking offence because they're introverts, or they can't get babysitters, or whatever. They don't seem to read the OP properly or understand the AIBU being asked.

Satsumaeater · 07/12/2018 12:15

YABU. It's not a "badge of honour" people just don't want to go.

I don't want to go to mine. I'd rather go for a run with friends that evening. I am going but only because we are a small team and it will cause a disproportionate amount of ill-feeling if I don't.

Satsumaeater · 07/12/2018 12:18

Oh and if it's in work time like DH's that's fine. He gets to go for a very nice all expenses paid lunch in work time.

Ours is in the evening, so in my time. It is paid for so that's something but I am still not keen.

Notevenmyrealname · 07/12/2018 12:44

Here’s the thing for those commenting that those excuses come across as insulting to them. I spent years having people say these exact things to my face and behind my back. “Oh not good enough for you are we?”. One manager once took me to one side and said another manager had commented that my lack of enthusiasm for work nights out made me seem like I wasn’t a “team player”, regardless of my attitude to people while I was actually working. I was in a training session once where the importance of going out socialising with your team mates was stressed as an important way of bonding and that it creates fractures in the team when anyone didn’t want to. I couldn’t articulate properly why I had a problem joining in on social occasions and genuinely had low self esteem in one place I worked as I overheard someone describe me as having “no personality” because I was quiet and didn’t really socialise outside of work. I spent a lot of years doubting myself and asking myself whether or not I genuinely did have an over-inflated ego or thought other people weren’t good enough for me, or whether I was just socially inept and I was never going to fit in. I was in my 30s with more than 15 years work experience before I read a book on the difference between introversion, extroversion and shyness and it fell into place. Those excuses are just facts and a lot of the time, people have been made to feel like there’s something wrong with them for feeling that way and just want a bit of reassurance that they’re not alone. I and many other people make excuses for not going out, not because we think we’re better than anyone else, but because we genuinely would rather not be forced to participate in activities where we feel awkward or uncomfortable. If you can’t appreciate that some people aren’t wired the same as you and get no enjoyment out of socialising with people that they aren’t close friends with, I think maybe you need to mix with a wider variety of people.

Polarbearflavour · 07/12/2018 13:13

I’ve never worked anywhere where it’s been commented that that I don’t socialise. I really don’t think people notice me. I wouldn’t want to work anywhere with mandated socialising, urgh. To me a job is just that - a job!

Homethroughthepuddles · 07/12/2018 13:33

But noteven I'm an introvert and I just say 'oh I've something else on that night.'. Anyhow, I think the OP is talking about the people who come on threads about Christmas parties and start making statements on the lines of 'God no, I wouldn't want to spend a night with my colleagues. I have real friends I want to meet' and things like that.

No one on here is complaining about people who don't feel comfortable at parties or don't enjoy them. That's not what this thread is about. You seem to be seeing criticism where none exists, where this thread is concerned. That's unfair on the OP who made it clear in her post that she wasn't talking about people who don't go to work parties, but people who come onto forums like this making sneery comments about them.

I think you've done exactly what you're complaining about; misunderstood someone's motives and tried to make them feel a bit shit about themselves.

chillpizza · 07/12/2018 13:42

Ours is cancelled as less than 10% of staff said they would attend Grin we don’t hate each other and a few of us can have a good drink. It’s forced socialising though. As someone else said you spend more time at work than with your partner/children or any other family/friends why give up more time in December of all time for your work.

Original poster
Quipsandquotes · 07/12/2018 13:52

"If you can’t appreciate that some people aren’t wired the same as you and get no enjoyment out of socialising with people that they aren’t close friends with, I think maybe you need to mix with a wider variety of people."

Or perhaps, just perhaps, you could read my OP properly before making rude comments like the above.

And I say that as someone who is so introverted, the first time I went to an office Christmas party my DH, who was giving me a lift, had to sit in the car for ages with me before I could get up the nerve to go in.

I really find your post, and your lack of care to read my post properly insulting and bad mannered.

OP posts:
A580Hojas · 07/12/2018 13:54

I think the subtle nuances of op's argument are lost on me. I have a funny feeling that she's wearing this calling-out thread aa her own badge of honour.

Original poster
Quipsandquotes · 07/12/2018 13:57

No, I'm not. I'm talking about the many threads I've seen on here where people make rude and sneery remarks about office Christmas parties, while making it clear I haven't been to mine in several years, so not taking issue with people who don't go to them, just those that make 'looking down' comments about them.

Hope that's not too subtle. I thought my original post was pretty clear, but perhaps not.

OP posts:
Fashionista101 · 07/12/2018 14:02

I'd bloody love a Christmas do! I work with one person who I'm always drinking too much gin with 😂 but we've often said we'd love a table for 2 at one of those huge parties with loads of companies.

Notevenmyrealname · 07/12/2018 14:06

Homethroughthepuddles
I can see how you might interpret what I was saying in that way but I don’t mean it in that way. I’m saying that people have made the same comments about me: that I’m aloof and my actions have been interpreted as an insult to others; and I’ve heard it said about other people on occasions when I’ve been perfectly happy to socialise. The OP said they were missing parties and gave practical reasons but if someone says they’d just rather not spend time socialising with people it is interpreted as people thinking they think they’re better than everyone else - as if there’s a hierarchy of reasons and some are OK and some aren't. I’ve don’t think I’ve met too many people who genuinely are so far up their own backsides that they will be that dismissive of their colleagues but I have in fact been accused of that myself when it’s far from the truth and I’ve seen other people like me who feel like they have to defend themselves as they have been judged. Maybe the people who come on here are looking for reassurance that there’s not something wrong with them rather than trying put down others.

Homethroughthepuddles · 07/12/2018 14:16

Noteven

Nowhere did the OP say that people who don't want to go to their Christmas party are looking down on others. But lots of posters have interpreted her post as saying just that, with no evidence whatsoever. In fact, quite the opposite.

She is talking about the people who make a point of coming onto threads to make sneery and judgmental comments about Christmas parties, and often about those who attend them.

I presume you, and other people who don't attend parties because they're introverted (as am I) and just dread them don't feel the need to jeery comments. On an anonymous forum you can just say 'I'm really not a party person. The thought fills me with dread so I don't go'.
That's totally different from saying 'God, it's bad enough having to spend working hours with those people, I certainly don't want to spend time with them outside as well' or 'I have far better things to do with my time that watch my colleagues get pissed'.

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