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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people see not going to the Christmas party as a badge of honored

110 replies

Quipsandquotes · 06/12/2018 19:33

Every year you see threads where people seem to be looking down their noses at the very idea of going to the office Christmas do. It's like they think saying "I'd rather gouge my eyes out' " I spend enough time with these people all week" "I'd rather be cuddled up at home with DH and DS" puts them in some kind of superior category to the 'saddos' looking forward to the Christmas party.

AIBU to think that this is a bit pathetic? No problem with anyone not wanting to go, I haven't gone to my own for the last few years. But not because it's beneath me, it just isn't that convenient for me to get into town at night anymore.

OP posts:
YoThePussy · 07/12/2018 04:30

On company I worked for never went back to the same place twice. They couldn’t as they were banned due to the staffs’ bad behaviour. Think throwing food, stealing all the nibbles meant for another group, shouting, screaming. I don’t think it is superior not to want to be part of that. I used to attend as no excuses were accepted for non-attendance and leave as soon as I could. Was jealous of the person who caught chicken pox one year and pulled out.

Trunktecholog · 07/12/2018 04:48

YANBU we also have someone in the office who thinks they are above it all. But during our Xmas party yesterday he was texting me fishing to see how it was going.

Mercurial123 · 07/12/2018 04:54

I have no idea why it's assumed people are superior about not wanting to go to the party. Christmas is not my favourite time of year my brother died Christmas day in a road accident. I'd rather spend time with the people I love. It also depends on your colleagues mine are OK but I don't want to party with them.

MaggieAndHopey · 07/12/2018 04:58

Why on earth would you get cross with people for not wanting to go to their work party? Does it usually bother you this much when people feel differently to you about things?

I really like my colleagues, I enjoy working with them, I think some of them may become friends given time, but I don't drink any more and I increasingly hate parties. Big whup.

Notevenmyrealname · 07/12/2018 05:21

Love the way there are already plenty of posts on here demonstrating exactly what the OP is saying
In what way? Most people seem to be saying they don’t go because they genuinely don’t want to and wouldn’t enjoy it. Would you rather people spend time and money feeling awkward and uncomfortable doing something they don’t want to do, just so a few other people don’t get hurt feelings and made to feel “inferior”?

Yura · 07/12/2018 05:29

@hamburgers we still have thes black tie dinner dj etc parties. i rather stay homr with the kids

Squatternutbosh123 · 07/12/2018 05:37

I don't understand the thinking that not going means people are looking down on those that do...sounds like the other way around to me.

I've not been to any in the 16 years I've been at the company, it's just not my thing. It's nothing to do with feeling superior, it's simply that I can't be arsed

Oblomov18 · 07/12/2018 05:37

I agree with you OP. Martyr badge?
Why do people hate their colleagues so much? You work with them, spend more time at work each day, than you do with dc or Dh. If you don't like them leave and get a new job with the kind of people you do. It's a mystery to me.

Yura · 07/12/2018 05:46

I work full time. my job requires travelling. not a chance i sacrifice an evening with my kids.
if your situation is different, go! you are at the party, i’m home, we are both happy

Notevenmyrealname · 07/12/2018 05:51

If you don't like them leave and get a new job with the kind of people you do
Maybe it has nothing to do with not liking people and just to do with not wanting to socialise with them. Look up the difference between introverts and extroverts. Not everyone is the same as you. Most people aren’t being martyrs - it would be more martyr-like to force themselves into social situations that they hate being in just so as other people don’t get upset. And as you point out, you often spend more time with your colleagues than your family (the ones who you actually love) so why would you want to spend your free time with them too if you’ve got the choice?

Sparklingbrook · 07/12/2018 05:52

I went to mine this year having previously never wanted to go. Not because I was looking down on those that did, just a bit nervous so easier to say no.
Had a really great time. So maybe it's worth a try even if you think a night in with the DC would be preferable?

Iruka · 07/12/2018 06:05

Why do people hate their colleagues so much?

This always gets said on these kind of threads, I find it a bit weird. Do you only have two kinds of people in your lives, your good friends who you party with and people you hate?

I get on fine with my colleagues, we have a good laugh and work well together. But we like different things, which is normal in a group of people brought together at work. Some like to party, some like relaxed meals in a pub and some don’t like going out at all. Our work do is a meal followed by going out drinking but some people leave after the meal. Which is fine.

Some don’t go at all, which is also fine.

nanny3 · 07/12/2018 06:22

I dont go because I cant afford to go new outfit,cost of food and drink and taxi home just too much at this time of year

JustanotherCHRISTMASuser01 · 07/12/2018 06:34

I dont want to go to my Xmas party and I'm honest about it I just say I dont want to attend but wish the rest of my time an excellent time and people are happy with it

babbi · 07/12/2018 06:44

I’m senior management and I will be going only as it is expected but will be leaving as soon as I can ..,
Last years “highlights “ with actual police involvement included a molestation charge — male touched 3 females entirely inappropriately ... outrageous...
drug taking openly at the tables ... punch up on the dance floor x 2...
drunkenness to the point people lying on the floor .... female removing her underwear on the dance floor to show people?!?

I’ll never understand why my director insists we have this party ..,
Myself and the other managers are dreading dealing with whatever happens this year ..,

Sparklingbrook · 07/12/2018 06:45

It did seem like the ones that didnt go we're very interested in what went on at the party afterwards!

bimbobaggins · 07/12/2018 07:04

I don’t like it group events. I like going to the cinema. I’d love a works Christmas do to the cinema where we are all sitting in the dark not talking!

weaselish · 07/12/2018 07:07

I don't go to ours, not because I feel superior but because it's a massive event in central London (1,000 plus) and the times I have gone I've lost everyone I work with and have just wandered aimlessly until I found them. It's not fun. I love my immediate colleagues and enjoy nights out with them, but the giant Christmas party is just too stressful.

Polarbearflavour · 07/12/2018 07:12

It’s bad enough going to DP’s wardroom function and having to make small talk with Commander so and so and the bish!

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 07/12/2018 07:13

Surely is depends on a) where you work and who your colleagues are that you will have to socialize with (the number of colleagues and quality thereof can vary massively) and b) what the Xmas event is (whether the location is convenient and fully funded by the company v a pain to get to and expensive). Personally, I love a good Xmas do and have never declined to go, but there have been a couple I really didn’t want to attend. It’s not necessarily just a reflection of how miserable the poster is.

gamerwidow · 07/12/2018 07:15

People are entitled to spend their free tome as they choose. I think it is a shame though that so many people work with people they hate. It must make it very hard to get through the week.

PeonyTruffle · 07/12/2018 07:17

I work in a company where 80% off staff are Plymouth Brethren, and they don't have a Christmas party (or in fact allow any signs of Christmas into the office)

It's my second year here and I really miss the Christmas parties from my previous jobs, used to have such fun! Think it's silly that people that get so high horse about not going, majority people I know DO enjoy them

silvercuckoo · 07/12/2018 07:17

I am not going as evening childcare around Christmas is extortionate, and I am looking at around £60 for three hours (in addition to £50 for the party itself). Literally zero understanding from (all-male)colleagues with stay-at-home wives.

guiltynetter · 07/12/2018 07:23

YANBU. I think this every time I read those posts. some people come across as so bloody superior

MaggieAndHopey · 07/12/2018 07:37

"Why do people hate their colleagues so much? You work with them, spend more time at work each day, than you do with dc or Dh. If you don't like them leave and get a new job with the kind of people you do. It's a mystery to me."

I bet lots of things are a mystery to you, @Oblomov18. As plenty of others have said, not wanting to socialise outside of work doesn't mean people hate their work colleagues. I like my colleagues and I enjoy and value my work. I just don't do well in enforced social situations - never have.