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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you can't be a "nice guy" if you use prostitutes for sex?

452 replies

NotMyOriginalName1 · 06/12/2018 14:22

Or can you?

In short, somebody I've known for a number of years openly admits to visiting sex workers and has deluded himself into believing he's one of the good guys and isn't exploitative. He spouts bullshit about having respect for the women he sees and thinks they adore his charming company.

I've lost what respect I have for him.

Unbeknownst to him I have personal experience of these situations, I was a sex worker in my late teens and what lead me there was an abusive relationship. I never felt respected by one single 'customer' in fact it was the 'good guys' who made my skin crawl the most.

Aibu to say he's an exploitative c-u-next-tuesday or am I jaded as a result my own trauma?

OP posts:
Rudolphie · 06/12/2018 17:22

How has that worked for a hundred years? How has that worked with drugs??
Realising it happens, safeguarding the escorts, having a record.... I think that might help

HestiaParthenos · 06/12/2018 17:22

If Liam neeson offered a kiss in a policeman’s outfit I am sure women would pay!!!

It may be news to you, but just because some women do it (or would hypothetically do it) doesn't make it magically okay.

Women can be wrong, too.

IcedPurple · 06/12/2018 17:25

A lot of sex workers are highly educated

Is this a fact which has been proven by careful research? Or a nonsense invented by punters to make themselves feel good? Oh sure, this 'highly educated' woman could be a CEO or rocket scientist instead, but she simply prefers having sex with complete strangers for cash. As you do.

And has Imogen from Surrey who "paid her way through a PhD
by means of sex work" made an appearance yet?

HestiaParthenos · 06/12/2018 17:25

@Rudolphie: I even went to the trouble of googling the Nordic Model and posting a link to one of the many, many, many sites where it is explained. Go educate yourself, I am not going to spoonfeed it to you in this thread just because you are too lazy to click on a link.

Poor guys, having to pay for sex because women. It’s always the women’s fault.

Yeah, funny how everything always ends up being women's fault.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 06/12/2018 17:26

I think there’s a big difference in us saying it’s okay, and hey we’ll still be friends with you mr nice guy...
(Which to my mind is enabling punters to normalize their behavior)
...and protecting sex workers by making it legal for them. Which might be a good idea (but I’m no expert).

LassWiADelicateAir · 06/12/2018 17:27

If Liam neeson offered a kiss in a policeman’s outfit I am sure women would pay!!!

And so what? 2 wrongs don't make a right. Apparently there are female sex tourists who go to Gambia. Still wrong.

Rudolphie · 06/12/2018 17:27

Ummm because people I know who have done escort work are highly educated and have good jobs. Living in London their wages from their day jobs is supplemented

moredoll · 06/12/2018 17:27

he gets to (in his words) experiment sexually with things that he wouldn't want to ask a wife or a girlfriend to do because they'd likely not be interested

So he's paying to physically abuse women. Does he think that paying makes it acceptable?

Ask him what he thinks his daughter would make of that. His money would be better spent on counselling for the issues he obviously had around women.

moredoll · 06/12/2018 17:28

has

SpamChaudFroid · 06/12/2018 17:29

Why do those allegedly so very "nice" men go to prostitutes in the first place?

Sethis answered, Maybe they're short, or poor.

Because, as indicated by two current active threads, that would turn a majority of women here right off them from the get-go

Yes, but that doesn't answer the question of why they pay for sex.
They could go without sex. Sex isn't a basic human need for survival of the individual, like food/shelter for instance. Do you think people have a right to sex?.

Rudolphie · 06/12/2018 17:29

I have made my point (I hope) and you all have very valued views. There does not seem much left for me to say. I wish you all well and I just hope you don’t judge xx

Tazz18 · 06/12/2018 17:31

This is an odd one. While not all punters are bad, a lot don't treat the workers with respect and would be more respectful to a sex toy/doll than an escort. I was in the industry for almost a decade and it's broken me.

I would be very upset if my son paid for sex. Especially since I would be honest about my past and how the job made me feel.

mumto2babyboys · 06/12/2018 17:31

I really don't believe any sex worker enjoys sleeping with random men for money

It's so dangerous, so many of them need to take drugs to get through it and as soon as they can, they usually quit prostitution and never go back to it.

It must also be very painful to have sex several times in one day and have to do whatever a client asks just for money.

It must also be so gross for the sex worker because anyone good looking and single would be on tinder getting it for free but these men have to pay for it...

because normal dating won't work for them.

Or because they are cheating on their poor wives.

Wasn't there lots of complaints from the residents who live beside the uk legal red light district and instead of making it safer for the sex workers, it made the area even worse and unsafe to walk in, due to the kerb crawlers asking school children for sex

IcedPurple · 06/12/2018 17:34

Ummm because people I know who have done escort work are highly educated and have good jobs.

Ummm just because you claim to know a few 'escorts' (lol!) who are 'highly educated' doesn't mean it's a statistical fact. And anyone who needs to supplement their 'day job' through having sex with strangers obviously doesn't have that good a job.

How did you make the acquaintance of these rocket scientists moonlighting as 'escorts' bttw?

Tazz18 · 06/12/2018 17:34

@mumtotwobabyboys

No. I've yet to me one who loves their job. I used to be a "happy hooker" until I was having panic attacks during the bookings. Even for £160 per hour it wasn't worth it at all! I was so stressed and sick I didn't enjoy the money.

LavenderBush · 06/12/2018 17:35

This thread has been a very interesting read.

There's only one guy I know who I'm aware has been to sex workers... in his case, dominatrixes.

Not sure whether or not he actually has sex with them, but obviously he's getting off on the experience.

I would genuinely say he was a nice guy. Maybe I'm failing to see it as so much of an issue because the women are nominally the ones 'in control' and are hurting him and ordering him around. But does this really make a difference? He's still paying them for services that he gets off on and which they wouldn't be doing for free.

Would be really interested to know what other people think.

BollockingBaubles · 06/12/2018 17:36

Does anyone consider that the people that have left the industry happy and healthy don’t want to publicise it as you are all so judgemental?

I think people on this thread are judging the men who purchase sexual consent, men who don't give to shiny shits wether the woman they are purchasing consent from is happy or not, men claim to be nice.

I think the majority if not all are judging the punters who think it's ok purchasing consent.

HestiaParthenos · 06/12/2018 17:38

And has Imogen from Surrey who "paid her way through a PhD
by means of sex work" made an appearance yet?

Interestingly enough, the woman who gave a talk on how legalisation doesn't benefit prostituted women and Nordic Model is the approach that works also paid part of her way through an academic grade by prostituting herself.

Being educated doesn't mean a woman is happy in prostitution, and it also doesn't mean she's doing it voluntarily.

It just means she's educated.

Anyone here who is educated knows that being educated doesn't equal being rich. Or not suffering from low self-esteem. Or not having experienced childhood sexual abuse.

"A lot of sex workers are highly educated" doesn't prove anything at all. I wonder why it is mentioned.

Newerversion · 06/12/2018 17:40

Quite simply yanbu at all. Sex buyers are not nice guys (or women) they are entitled, selfish and morally deficient.

LegoAdventCalendar · 06/12/2018 17:42

1st rule of misogyny: women are responsible for what men do.

This.

IcedPurple · 06/12/2018 17:42

"A lot of sex workers are highly educated" doesn't prove anything at all. I wonder why it is mentioned.

Because in the minds of those who say it, it justifies the sex industry. No, it's not desperate women who maybe have substance abuse issues and are forced into it. It's all these bright women who could have jobs in business or science but actually prefer to have sex with complete strangers for cash.

Which makes it all OK. Apparently.

vampirethriller · 06/12/2018 17:43

I'm highly educated. Still ended up locked in a room with a man sitting in the room next door waiting for the money.

Rudolphie · 06/12/2018 17:45

Iced purple I know them because I choose to mix with a range of people and yes they do earn a good wage in law firms etc but they supplement whilst they get to their chosen level.

I have acknowledged their are people in this industry without consent and I do not advocate that however I think there are people in the industry willingly

Saffron · 06/12/2018 17:46

HestiaParthenos
How come I'm getting emails saying :

You have been @mentioned by HestiaParthenos on this thread: To think you can't be a "nice guy" if you use prostitutes for sex?

I've not been on this site for months.

Leave me out of your discussion Angry

Rudolphie · 06/12/2018 17:46

I am sorry about that iced purple and I am not ever trying to undermine that there is an issue but that for me is why it should be legalised

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