To think you can't be a "nice guy" if you use prostitutes for sex?

[NotMyOriginalName1]

Or can you?

In short, somebody I've known for a number of years openly admits to visiting sex workers and has deluded himself into believing he's one of the good guys and isn't exploitative. He spouts bullshit about having respect for the women he sees and thinks they adore his charming company.

I've lost what respect I have for him.

Unbeknownst to him I have personal experience of these situations, I was a sex worker in my late teens and what lead me there was an abusive relationship. I never felt respected by one single 'customer' in fact it was the 'good guys' who made my skin crawl the most.

Aibu to say he's an exploitative c-u-next-tuesday or am I jaded as a result my own trauma?

I'm so sorry you went through what you did, OP, and I absolutely agree that YANBU. I'm involved in a Christian charity project that helps Central Asian women that have been trafficked into prostitution and I've heard so many stories. This man who supposedly has respect for these women really is either deluding himself or, more likely, just wants to convince other people.

The fact is, he wouldn't have a clue whether the women he's paying for sex are there because they want fo be. They're hardly going to tell him if they're not, are they?

Actually I think judging either the women offering the serice or the men using and paying for it should not be judged with a random sweep

You don’t sound particularly open to being understanding.

I am afraid I just can't fathom how someone who really has empathy and all that, would think it a good idea to pay for sex.

Perhaps my definition of niceness just differs from yours.

YANBU. Paying for sex is not a good thing to do.

I doubt it, nice is nice

@hestia lovely to know you are so fun an forgiving.

Have a super Christmas x

A kiss with Kate Moss was auctioned off for charity a few years ago.... is that guy a predator as well??

If kate moss had actually wanted to kiss him she would have done. With no audience, and no money changing hands.

Speaks volumes when "prizes" arent money or books or holidays etc they are people. Their bodies. Their looks. Etc

I'm.mot rich or famous nor do I have droves of men and women fantasizing about me. But I bet the train of thought that "I've put up with a load of crap sober and skint that one more time for a good cause makes no difference to me"

How much she wanted to do that we won't know.

But paying for a kiss, well that's pretty low too. I think I'd rather have sex with someone I didn't know it like than have to kiss them.

Actually I think judging either the women offering the serice or the men using and paying for it should not be judged with a random sweep

It is not random, I assure you.

I really don't see any downside to judging the men.

What is, in your view, the negative consequence of judging men who use prostitutes?

lovely to know you are so fun an forgiving.

You aren't just trying to guilt me into being fine with punters ... are you?

I'm a feminist, in case you haven't noticed. Being fun or forgiving is not my job.

For fun, you have comedians. For forgiveness, you have Christians.

Why do those allegedly so very "nice" men go to prostitutes in the first place?

Maybe they're short, or poor.

Because, as indicated by two current active threads, that would turn a majority of women here right off them from the get-go.

@hestia by driving people to think it’s socially awful you drive it more underground

Maybe they're short, or poor.

Because, as indicated by two current active threads, that would turn a majority of women here right off them from the get-go.

1st rule of misogyny: women are responsible for what men do.

luxurylaunches.com/auctions/kate_mosss_kiss_auctioned_for_raising_charity_fund.php

Here is the Kate Moss story. It was crass on the part of everyone involved, including Kate Moss who said she would do it dressed in a police
uniform. After all who doesn't love a sexy police woman?

@hestia I love females!! I love males too. I think we are all equal

Person in question has been married and had other long term relationships, his tales of chatting up women on his recent holidays abroad tells me he's not without the ability to approach and engage a woman in conversation. He uses prostitutes because its convenient, requires no real effort on his part and he gets to (in his words) experiment sexually with things that he wouldn't want to ask a wife or a girlfriend to do because they'd likely not be interested.

It’s the same old stuff being trotted out to defend prostitution.

@hestia is just as fun / funny as anyone else I imagine! And others who have posted saying people who use prostitutes aren’t being nice - I’m sure are just as liberated and into sex and fun.

Being humane and not wanting women to be harmed, emotionally or otherwise, is just basic human kindness and compassion.

No idea how Kate moss figures in this, and kissing isn’t really comparable to daily sex with strangers.

Maybe they're short, or poor.

The latter, I very much doubt. For obvious reasons.

Because, as indicated by two current active threads, that would turn a majority of women here right off them from the get-go.

If the majority of women is turned off by them, then why do they expect that prostituted women will find them attractive and voluntarily have sex with them?

Because if they know that the prostituted women find them as unattractive as all other women and only have sex with them because they need the money ... then they are not nice, not according to my definition of it.

If Liam neeson offered a kiss in a policeman’s outfit I am sure women would pay!!!

He uses prostitutes because its convenient, requires no real effort on his part and he gets to (in his words) experiment sexually with things that he wouldn't want to ask a wife or a girlfriend to do because they'd likely not be interested
So basically it's his wife/partners faukt for a) being too much effort.
B) being too boring.

Even though you love someone enough to marry them you can't actually have a conversation about what you are and aren't willing to do in the bedroom.

Why didn't he just ask them? Many people are willing to try lots of things. Why assume they wouldn't be up for it.

He's just trying to justify it to everyone

Yanbu

Rubbish. I know a good guy who has been single for 8 years. He can’t find a girlfriend but is a really nice person

Well, many people seem to think sex workers are there because they love and want sex and that they become friends. That their clients often like the companionship and it's just a job etc.

Your male friend could go into sex work, I'm sure the nice women who would buy his consent will mostly after companionship and will treat him as an equal. Can earn himself some extra cash on the side and be taken out to fancy restaurants and stuff. It's just a job and all that.

by driving people to think it’s socially awful you drive it more underground that’s a terrible way to think! Should we do the same for drink driving and domestic violence then?

It is socially awful. Punters need to feel it’s not acceptable.

Sex workers can be helped in many ways, but making it socially acceptable has not made it better in places like Amsterdam where women are trafficked on a huge scale.

@bananas no one wants women to be hurt or abused. I think we all agree on that! I guess we disagree with prostitution and people who pay for it

No idea how Kate moss figures in this, and kissing isn’t really comparable to daily sex with strangers

It was meant to be a "gotcha" moment. Poster was expecting we'd all be fine with it (we're not ) and obviously it's just the same as prostitution (not )

Because, as indicated by two current active threads, that would turn a majority of women here right off them from the get-go

Poor guys, having to pay for sex because women. It’s always the women’s fault.