Aibu in thinking that sexual preference is not shallow

[Randomusername01]

Not a taat (or maybe about lots of threads over the years). Having a sexual preference is not shallow, be it for blonde/brunette/tall/short/vagina/penis/intellect/humour/black/white/asian etc. What turns you on turns you on sadly I feel I need to qualify this by saying children and animals are obviously not included before I get jumped on by the what about brigade. Non animate objects are but I'll secretly judge you a fucking weirdo🤣. I'm not offended or think it's shallow that as a fairly flat chested sombreish average Asian woman that I don't tick the boxes for people who fancy say Pamela Anderson or rachel Riley or Chris hemsworth. If they said they'd never date me then there is no hard feelings. It doesn't make them shallow.

@SpoonBlender
Because the poster is saying you may just not have come across a woman you're attracted to yet, not that you are 100% not attracted to women.
So I took her to mean sliding for the individual- not sliding for the population.

i think it is perfectly okay to reject a woman because you're a straight woman and give the reason.

I feel sad for women who only like tall white guys. I think a lot of them are mediocre but think they're gods gift.

Anyone who has spent any time online dating knows there's loads of profiles saying 'I'm 6ft 2, cos that seems to matter!' and I feel like messaging them and saying I don't care, show me something of substance about you.

Like we all know that one amazing funny clever kind woman that men reject because of their weight. I think the same about men and race/height

Hisaishi "Ask young girls (under 18) and tons of them will be into Asian guys these days cos of kpop."

So isn;t that the answer? Rather than berating people for not fancying anyone, just present all races and groups as desirable and set the hero/heroine of stories as different ethnicities etc?

"I know tons of white women in Korea/Singapore who spend all their days moaning about how Asian guys don't like them/only use them for sex and how racist it is. But it's ok in the west to say 'I don't like Chinese (whatever that means) guys'?"

I was one of those women! And yes, it is OK for guys not to fancy me. And I do wonder if there is a lot more going on there than just about physical attraction, also about things like expectations of a partner etc.

Booboostwo "Also I am bi and find it really odd that anyone would consider the possession of a penis/vagina as relevant to sexual attraction, but clearly many people do." How is it odd? is it odd that you don't have a preference, because I am happy to accept that bisexual people are not concerned necessarily with genitalia. Isn't it reasonable for you to feel that some people may be concerned with this?

ReanimatedSGB "...TBH I think it's a little unnecessary to tell someone they are the wrong sex for you, because a polite 'no, thank you' should be sufficient."

Why is it unnecessary to give a reason if you choose to? If a man chatted me up I might say I am married. In a way it's actually politer, IMHO, e.g. it's not you, it's me kind of thing. (I don't get chatted up often so don't need to pontificate on this a lot!) But I agree women (or men) do not need to give a reason not to be interested in someone.

"Rather than berating people for not fancying anyone, just present all races and groups as desirable and set the hero/heroine of stories as different ethnicities etc?"

Who's berating? I think that's what most people are trying to say here.

"I feel sad for women who only like tall white guys. I think a lot of them are mediocre but think they're gods gift."

Jesus yes. They're mediocre but because some women have such a narrow definition of 'attractive', they'll always find someone to date. So they never have to up their game/develop a personality.

While I sort of agree to the principle, I think my own experience is that when I get to know someone I become more attracted to them.

To me, attraction is much less physical.
So I would never say - I am attracted to tall men/blonde men etc. I would say, I am atracted to funny, kind, interesting men. This has meant that the people I have been out with have been hugely varied.

I do know one woman who refused to go out with anyone shorter than her. Met a really nice guy, couldn't get past the height thing. 5 years later they met again, and ended up married.

" I don't see why a man who married a size 8 woman is expected to find her attractive at size 18."

But if you marry a 35 year old, you're expected to still fancy them when they're 75.

" think I could find almost any physical type attractive if they tick my boxes in terms of personality (kind, funny, principled)"

Really? Surely we all know people of the opposite sex whose personalities we like but we could never go out with?

I've seen plenty of conversations where someone has said they wouldn't date a trans person and instantly been called transphobic. It happens, but I agree with you.

" I fyou only mate with those from your village disabilities tend to occur including with first cousin marriages (or worse )."

On the other hand, an Icelandic study showed that those who mate with distant relatives (e.g. 3rd and 4th cousin) are more fertile. That might help explain the 'familiarity' thing. Or it could be the idea that our love map is 'planted' in us when we're small so as adults we look for the familiar.

"I do think that's the kinder thing to do, no matter the gender. Because it's not you they are rejecting, it's just that they aren't into men/women."

A man who pursued me once wrote me a letter with a line that I first read as 'It's OK if you don't like me', but which I then realised was 'it's OK if you don't like men'. So basically, it was fine to say no to him if I was a lesbian, but not if I wasn't!
You seem to be acting in the same way. Someone can reject you for whatever reason they want.

"I think my own experience is that when I get to know someone I become more attracted to them."

Me too, but there are some people I can tell from the beginning that I will never fancy them.

I don’t find women sexually attractive at all. Not one bit. I have loads of female friends who I love to spend time with, but not one bit do I fancy them.

I’ve been chatted up by a woman before and early doors said “you do know I’m straight” to stop it going any further. I don’t owe anyone sex or even a date.

I’m dominant sexually and the number if times I’ve had blokes think that means I’ll definitely shag them or even worse that I’ll definitely switch just for them because they are the possessor of the golden cock is astounding.

I agree op, only on mumsnet have I seen the thought that you're shallow if you're not willing to shag anyone as long as they are a nice person.

It is beyond odd. As a pp said, it's not an equal opportunities thing.

I think there is a difference between finding a certain characteristic/facet generally attractive and actually being attracted to an individual person.

There’s a kind of an abstract appreciation aesthetically, and an actual felt physical attraction.

So generally speaking I tend to prefer blondes. But I’ve been attracted to plenty of brunettes too.

I have also met people who tick all or most of my boxes and felt nothing. And had raging chemistry with people who totally aren’t my type.

think I could find almost any physical type attractive if they tick my boxes in terms of personality (kind, funny, principled

Seriously? You'd fancy or shag anyone as long as they were a nice person? You're not remotely discerning?

I can see men (or women) aesthetically attractive.

I won’t find them sexually attractive unless they are male born male with a dick that is what they were born with AND unless they’re sub. Women don’t turn me on.

"I agree op, only on mumsnet have I seen the thought that you're shallow if you're not willing to shag anyone as long as they are a nice person." - are you sure you've seen that opinion? Because I don't think that's what anyone is saying here.

"Seriously? You'd fancy or shag anyone as long as they were a nice person? You're not remotely discerning?" - "I COULD find almost any physical type attractive..."

Don't you know the meaning of the word 'could'?

Some people are seriously lacking in reading skills on this thread.

"Who's berating?"

I think berating goes on, whether or not it is happening on this thread, I think it dies go on.

Would, could, you can play semantics all day long, the point remains the same, you are not remotely discerning about what someone looks like as long as they are a nice person, you could fancy or shag them?

bluntness the difference between 'would' and 'could' is not semantics. They are words with different meanings.

"I COULD shag someone" - it's a possibility
"I WOULD shag someone" - it's a hypothetical, if the situation arose, then it wouldn't be a possibility but what would absolutely happen.

I think you need to look 'could', 'would' and also 'semantics' up in a dictionary because you haven't grasped the meaning of any of those words.

In my rather limited experience men tend to be attracted to 'types' least like those that predominate in their family of origin. I'm sure one of the reasons an ex wasn't that into me was that I was similar in build, height and colouring to his mum (he was also a bit of a prat, so no great loss ). I know a man with a very attractive petite blonde sister who definitely goes for tall brunettes. And in fact if I were to be told that this was the reason a bloke wasn't attracted to me I'd feel the same kind of relief as if he were gay - because at least I'd know I hadn't done anything wrong.

In my rather limited experience men tend to be attracted to 'types' least like those that predominate in their family of origin

Yeah I'm not sure that's true actually, but looking like his mum I can see as a passion killer. 😝

Yeah I definitely have types I fancy more, although there are exceptions. I've fancied non-white men, but all the white men I like the look of tend to be fairish, and I definitely don't go for men with very short hair, whatever else they look like. DH is very tall but I think I fancy him "in spite of" that - normally I like the look of slightly shorter, chunkier men. I don't like smart/smooth men, I like a bit of stubble and scruffy outdoorsy clothes. I've never knowingly fancied a woman, but I think I could theoretically fancy a trans man, if the rest of the package was right.