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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not invite ex employees to a work Christmas meal?

125 replies

Star2015 · 05/12/2018 21:19

I work with a small team of people. The woman who did the job before me retired last year after 35 years in the job.

She made lots of promises to come in and help me during tricky times of the year, but didn’t. See finds it difficult to come in and see me at ‘her desk’ so I’ve been told, so has now resorted to texting my colleague to find out when I’ve gone if she wants to call into where we work. In addition, she’s organised meals get together with the staff throughout the year and I haven’t been asked (fair enough as I don’t really know her).

Last year the work Christmas meal had already been organised before she left so obviously cane along, as did 2 other ex employees.

This year it was in the back of my mind whatever we chose to do, we would set a trend and would have to continue with. To me it’s a works meal so didn’t quite get why staff who had left were there, but it wasn’t my choice last year.

This year however, I made the decision to only ask current staff (I’m the manager and therefore organise it - everyone pays for their own meal but I buy the first round of drinks).

The woman who used to do my job is now telling everyone she can (we both live and work in a small Village) how upset she is that she’s been uninvited and her and the other two are organising a separate meal. Today I had a call from someone I’m in contact with regularly at work to say this woman was telling an audience of people in church today, with tears in her eyes, how upset she was.

(Just some background, she’s a churchgoer and likes to make out she’s a goody two shoes, however, she constantly makes nasty remarks to people (last meal it was the waitress who she said was too fat to get around the tables!) and who invited me to her leaving do (held at our place of work) during my induction week, to then uninvite me on the day as it wasn’t right I was there!)

Was I unreasonable to only organise the work Christmas meal for current employees or should I have been note sensitive and asked everyone who attended last year?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 05/12/2018 22:04

Yanbu at all, she no longer works at the company so she should not be invited to a works do, what a drama lama. Why can't she organise her own get together with her friends from work.

LL83 · 05/12/2018 22:06

In my work nobody would make a decision on this on their own. Someone would say "shall we keep it to current team or invite xyz?" And we would decide on it.

My team invites ex employees it's not my preference but I am not bothered enough to object.

ChrisPrattsFace · 05/12/2018 22:06

We have this, a lady who’s hasn’t worked with us for over two years and we’ve only seen once since she left. It’s known that no one is in roxy with her, but she has been invited to our meal and is bring her DP and children too!
Bizarre!
Anyways, YANBU, In my opinion!

Alfie190 · 05/12/2018 22:08

YANBU. It is not normal to invite former employees to the Christmas do. I have not come across it even for those that left recently.

Iloveacurry · 05/12/2018 22:09

No she shouldn’t be invited. She doesn’t work there anymore.

topcat2014 · 05/12/2018 22:09

I am a manager, and would not be inviting a predecessor (who, by definition I had not worked with) to a Christmas meal - regardless of who was paying.

If staff want to meet up separately, as 'private citizens' they are welcome to do so, of course - but not for works dos.

If someone left my team, say, in November - and I had worked with them, then I would invite them to the first year only.

Any earlier than that, and I would not do so.

stopinthenameoflove · 05/12/2018 22:10

No Yanbu and if anyone agrees with this woman is deluded Hmm

Gwenhwyfar · 05/12/2018 22:15

"It's a work do so no, it's normal to only invite employees."

No, it's quite common to invite former employees and a very nice thing as well.

theworldistoosmall · 05/12/2018 22:15

The clue is in its name. Work do.
She no longer works there so that's it. She doesn't get invited.
Start crap like that and before you know it, you have 60 people attending a works do that only employs 40 people.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/12/2018 22:17

"It would be odd to invite her"

No, it wouldn't. Inviting former employees is quite common. I'm not the only one on this thread who's experienced it.
The only problem here is that the OP doesn't like this particular person.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/12/2018 22:18

"Start crap like that and before you know it, you have 60 people attending a works do that only employs 40 people."

So what if they all know each other and are paying for themselves anyway.

indieshuffle · 05/12/2018 22:18

Horrible woman. Just say quite blandly but firmly to anyone that might criticise that if she had come in and got to know you then it might be different, but since she has gone to great and obvious lengths to avoid you, what else were you supposed to do. Then say its best kept to current employees only now and change the subject. People will know only to well what she is like, and pussy footing around her will only make her stronger.

Magicstar1 · 05/12/2018 22:19

You could always point out that she’s obviously not comfortable with you being in her old position, so you’re sparing her from the upset Wink

Gwenhwyfar · 05/12/2018 22:19

" It is not normal to invite former employees to the Christmas do. I have not come across it even for those that left recently."

Just because you haven't come across it doesn't mean it's not normal.

stopinthenameoflove · 05/12/2018 22:23

@Gwenhwyfar
It isn't normal and it's not fair on current employees.
If someone left in November/December then that's a exception but not year after year .

EndofTetherReachedToday · 05/12/2018 22:24

Trust me, most of the people she has told will be outwardly sympathetic whilst secretly thinking she needs to get over it and get a life! Nobody expects people to go to any work do after they left unless it was recent!

Gwenhwyfar · 05/12/2018 22:25

"@Gwenhwyfar
It isn't normal and it's not fair on current employees.
If someone left in November/December then that's a exception"

Just because it's not your experience doesn't mean it's not normal. This woman's been away just over a year hasn't she, so not 'year after year'. And she worked there for 35 years and really wants to go.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/12/2018 22:26

"it's not fair on current employees. "

In what way is it not fair? Everyone's paying for themselves here. It's a good way to keep in touch with old colleagues.

EndofTetherReachedToday · 05/12/2018 22:27

Oh Gwen get over it, all the others posts agree it isn’t normal. Perhaps in your workplace it is but that doesn’t make it the case the world over Hmm

Dextrodependant · 05/12/2018 22:30

We often have former employees at the Christmas do, especially of they have put in a long service. We find it fizzles out after a couple of years as people settle into their new role and start socialising with their new colleagues bit those that have retired come for years and I think it's lovely.

We had a restructure and my job and another guys were being joined into one job. He took voluntary and retired early but I live seeing him at the do each year.

theworldistoosmall · 05/12/2018 22:33

If an ex-member of staff wants to keep in touch, they can. There are numerous ways to stay in contact and meet up that doesn't involve intruding on the works do.
And by intruding, she is also forcing the op to buy her a drink. And you know the other two are also going to muscle in. That's now upped the ops spending.

stopinthenameoflove · 05/12/2018 22:33

@Gwenhwyfar
The whole point is the company to get together at the end of the year not ex employees. If a load of ex employees want to go out that's fine that happens all the time . And it's not just 1 time the op has already said she came last year and do you think she will be fine about not going next year Hmm

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 05/12/2018 22:36

Christmas work dos for all their faults are about the current team. I have only known previous employees invited when they are still in regular contact and it wouldn't affect the dynamics.

Previous manager - a definite no no.

thecatsthecats · 05/12/2018 22:36

We have a retiree who hangs on to occasional events - she's the former boss's mother, and takes on a nauseatingly maternal attitude to everyone as a result.

The best I can say is that some staff tolerate her. I find her overbearing, cringey and mood spoiling. You can't get on with everyone you work with, but at least the buggers leave sometimes, and that should be the end of it.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/12/2018 22:36

"Oh Gwen get over it, all the others posts agree it isn’t normal."

No, they don't. Quite a few people have mentioned it happening at their workplaces, only they were negative about it while I'm not.

"And by intruding, she is also forcing the op to buy her a drink. "

Nope. OP could buy just for current colleagues if she wants to. I presume she's not obliged to pay for a round at all.