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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having to pick 11 yr old up from school

261 replies

Knitwit101 · 05/12/2018 11:44

Our school has a new head. Been there maybe a month. He has announced that in the winter all kids must be collected from school. I have an 11 yr old in p7 (Scotland) who has been walking home alone since p3. We are really near the school and he has only one road to cross, it has a crossing. This is a ridiculous rule, right? Surely an 11 yr old can walk maybe 4 minutes home alone if his parent says he can? It's not even nearly dark at 3.15pm.

To add to my irritation my 6 yr old finishes 20 minutes earlier. There is nowhere sheltered outside to wait and we are not allowed to wait in the school. There's no point walking home, sitting at home for 10 minutes then going back out again. So I am expected to stand outside (in weather and light that is unsuitable for 11 yr olds to be alone in) with my 6 yr old for 20 minutes to collect an 11 yr old who is perfectly capable of walking home alone.

I have complained, as have several other parents. The school have said that they are not making judgements about the capabilities and journeys of individual pupils, it's the same rule for everyone and that's that.
One parent refused to come and collect her dd. She was made to wait in school and her parent was called to collect her.

Yesterday I offered to 'collect' a bunch of kids and walk them to the school gate then let them go. So i basically collected every p7 kid then let them walk home like they usually do. I half thought the school would have phoned me this morning and complained about deliberate flouting of their policy but they haven't. Another parent is going to collect them all today and walk them round the corner out of sight.

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous policy?

OP posts:
Cachailleacha · 05/12/2018 20:11

That's ridiculous. In England 11 year old children are in Secondary and may have after school clubs too. My 12 year old walked home at 5 today. We just talk about wearing a bright coat and not taking quiet street, the longer way with more cars around is better.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/12/2018 20:13

Billed for an after school club I didn't sign up for?

Fuck that.

If your NT 11 yr old can't manage a short walk home by themselves you have failed massively as a parent and I'd no way be paying cos of someone else's incompetence and a lazy heads blanket ban because of it

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 05/12/2018 20:14

In England these children in Y7 would be at secondary school and it is expected that they will walk to/from school on their own or with friends, not have a parent walk them there and back.

Nicknacky · 05/12/2018 20:14

My 11 year old walked to guides tonight with her 14 year old cousin and will walk back at 9pm. They need independence.

Walking home from school or to a parents car is completely normal.

Bacardibabe · 05/12/2018 20:25

Maybe all the parents should boycott collecting for a week and explain to the dcs why so they are prepared. School will soon get fed up with making phone calls every day! 😃

Graphista · 05/12/2018 21:11

I HAVE read all the thread boohissmiss and I've just gone back and reread your posts - I see NO good reason for a police escort! There's a vague mention to heavy traffic in your area but that's still not a good enough reason and I'd be questioning the ability of any police officer that thought it was! Where on earth in Scotland are you? Because when my dd started coming home from school alone we were in Glasgow - hardly out in the sticks!

And as I read further it seems your original post on this was quite misleading! Are you meaning when there's traffic control or extra presence eg when the orange walks are on? Because that's not the same thing as a regular police escort for getting to school or going to church which is what the original post implied.

"Only on MN will people agree with homework and shirts and ties at 4 because it prepares then for the world of work 20 years layer then expect them to go from being picked up every day to walking to secondary school by themselves having never ever done it befire." Personally I don't agree with uniform or homework (certainly not at primary stage) either. Homework I would say is largely unnecessary until around 14, good teachers KNOW how their pupils are doing. There's been too much withdrawal of support for teachers ability to know their pupils too! And most of the world don't bother with uniform either yet seem perfectly capable of educating their children - often better than uk does!

"Tbh the biggest threat to children is idiot parebts who park like selfish idiots. It would he much safer all round of people stopped worrying their kids would dissolve if they walked more than 3 metres and walked. Or let their kids walk." Totally agree - the behaviour of many drivers in the near vicinity of schools at drop off and pick up times is atrocious! A good case for excellent cctv and possibly traffic police in those scenarios!

Where I used to live before here I knew of parents who always drove the kids to school all year - and they lived in the same street! Absolutely no need for that and the traffic and confusion it caused was ridiculous!

Good for you op, even better if other parents doing same hopefully this numpty head gets the message!

Greensleeves · 05/12/2018 21:12

Children's services would ask the Head if he was feeling quite well Grin

11 years old. I've heard it all now.

ReflectentMonatomism · 05/12/2018 23:04

Children's services would ask the Head if he was feeling quite well

"Are you on glue?"

Nicknacky · 05/12/2018 23:12

I can just imagine he reaction of the social worker at 3.15 (when the dayshift are supposed to finish at 4/5pm)

School. “Hello, we have 60 11/12 year olds who haven’t been picked up as we stopped letting them walk home. Can you come get them/contact parents/sort our fuck up out?”

Social worker. ” 🤔”

melj1213 · 06/12/2018 01:43

If it is more inconvenient to working parents or others who can’t get there I would let them complain rather than getting a reputation for moaning about something that barely affects me but hey ho you need to make a fuss over everything according to some on here.

So you can only complain about a stupid rule if it majorly affects you? Where do you draw the line between a minor inconvenience and a major one?

The OP is inconvenienced by an arbitrary rule change, they have every right to complain and refuse to change their after school arrangements to accommodate this.

My DD is 10, she splits her time between my house and her dad's every other week.

On my weeks she walks home as her school is an 8 minute walk from my house. She only has to cross one road which is right outside the school and has a lollipop lady on the crossing. Some days I am already home when she gets home, other days I am not yet home from work.

When she is at her dad's he picks her up most days as he lives a 40 minute walk (on busy roads) away from school and he has flexitime in his office so can leave to collect her at 3.30. Occasionally he can't collect her so she gets the bus to his house - the bus stop is about 20ft from the school gates, she has a monthly bus pass and the bus drops her a 2 min walk from her dad's front door.

If my DDs school brought in a collection rule she would be fine on her dad's weeks but she would be stuck on my weeks as I physically cannot be at the gates at 3.30 every day. I could arrange for other parents to collect my DD or for family members to do pick ups but it would be inconvenient for them to have to arrange their schedules around being available from 3.30 to 3.38 to walk DD home.

Boohissmiss · 06/12/2018 06:55

Graphista again I think you should actually read posts. I have said multiple multiple times in this thread that my children get the bus to school as we live over three miles away . I have NEVER said they get an escort to school not once . I said to the church service and my vague mention also stated that our school has over 500 pupils and that is why the police come and stop traffic to let the children cross the roads and accompany them. ANother poster has already told me this is nothing new as it happened at her school too and the police were simply controlling the traffic . As is said if you actually read the posts ...

Silkie2 · 06/12/2018 07:13

I bet HT doesn't have to pick their own kids up.

Dragon3 · 06/12/2018 07:42

I like your email OP.

Boohiss I think that confusion arose over 'police escort' rather than 'traffic control'. Police escort makes it sound like you live in a war zone to me!

I'm also surprised that the police have time for traffic control to get kids to a church service, TBH. Teachers, TAs in high viz jackets do this job elsewhere.

cheminotte · 06/12/2018 08:04

Looking forward to seeing the outcome.

Pig - if you are picking your DD up occasionally as a favour, fair enough, but if you are doing it every Tuesday and Thursday and it dictates what else you can do on those evenings then yes I’d find that strange. The 18 year old I’m talking about would otherwise have a 20min walk home, not an hour and a half commute.

Boohissmiss · 06/12/2018 08:06

Yes dragon as I’ve already said I used the word escort as that what the school calls them. Ie church service at 10 tomorrow our local police escorts will be attending again. I guess it’s no different to the police attending Christmas light turn ons and the like .

Boohissmiss · 06/12/2018 08:08

Sorry I should have added teachers etc can not stop the traffic like the police can .

Nicknacky · 06/12/2018 08:10

booh I’m unsure even what the relevance of the kids getting a police escort.

It’s as relevant to this thread as me saying “I like oranges”

Boohissmiss · 06/12/2018 08:14

Yep Nicky it was a throw away comment within a comment that seemed to get picked up on. Should be a thread of its own 🧐

Nicknacky · 06/12/2018 08:16

booh Well, no wonder it did get picked up on, it was after comments about child protection and you made it sound like the police were offering protection from the general public rather than traffic control.

Weezol · 06/12/2018 08:21

I bet HT doesn't have to pick their own kids up.

Very good point!

Boohissmiss · 06/12/2018 08:25

Lmao Nicky 🤪

Nicknacky · 06/12/2018 08:27

That last reply is the most sensible thing you have posted on this thread.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 06/12/2018 08:31

If I don't pick my DD up in time she doesn't get put into after school club. She sits at the office until collected.

Here's a thought, if you have to pick up both your kids could you just stop picking up your youngest on time for a few days. Until time to pick up eldest. When you, inevitably, get asked why then explain that as you are now obliged to pick up eldest from their school as well you are unable to pick up youngest on time. Watch that HT get onto the other one!

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 06/12/2018 08:32

Sorry, realised they are at the same school. Still. My suggestion stands.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 06/12/2018 08:43

Maybe he thinks he's Charlton Heston in the Omega man and the kids need protecting from nocturnal mutant albinos?

@Bananasinpyjamas - I see the point you are making but in half a year Scottish P7s will be starting secondary school and ok it will be "summer" (which in Scotland is just winter but a tad warmer) but most will be doing a longer walk in amongst groups of teens, getting pushed and shoved, mucking about etc - they need to develop some street wiseness before that so they can cope with the transition.

And for OPs who say there "must" be a parent at home - in an ideal middle class world yes - but in the real world, many parents have to work, look after elderly relatives etc. The parent could be ill or disabled and at home but unable to make the journey. My friend had to have six weeks radiotherapy for breast cancer and was away every afternoon - as a single parent, her 2 DC (10 and 13) really stepped up and let themselves in, made their own dinner, put the washing on etc - it really helped their life skills to have that bit of independence "forced" onto them - friends offered to help but her DC wanted to support their mum by showing her they could cope - they thanked her for trusting them - it was really quite touching.

Anyway OP - I'm in Scotland too and we chose our house as it was walking distance and lots of bullying goes on on the bus to and from school - I would have been raging if I'd had to collect DC at P6/7.

Also - the walking bus is not a bad idea but sadly I suspect the same level of hysteria causing this problem would mean the adults would all need to get PVG clearance (Scottish equivalent to criminal records check).