Working with a baby, fed up and want to stop

[Hillside1234]

Hi, long time lurker but first post.

So, I work for the family business (kind of) doing cleaning 3 days a week in my parents house and in the business premises. I take my DS who is now 7 month. This has been going on since he was maybe 3 months old? It was a huge relief to begin with as there was no pressure to get loads done (tricky when you take your baby with you). As time has gone on it's become set days, have to get four hours done each day. Seems not a lot but I tend to be there from 9-5 and not get it done. What's more is whatever I do, do, is completely undone by the time I go back in next and I have to do the same job again (no Biggie but does grate on me). Then recently everywhere has been a total tip which feels overwhelming, especially when I can't find anywhere to put DS down. DM is great and has so much stuff there for DS which makes it easier (bouncer, play mat etc) except it's now all gone missing and it's a huge faff to sort anywhere out for him to play. His sleeping has gone bad recently and with some other personal stuff I'm really struggling with my sleep and feel physically sick some mornings from tiredness.

I typically earn about £200 a month, so not a lot but has been helpful. Recently DP has come into a bit of money and we can afford to not have this £200.

I'm looking to go back to work properly in Jan/Feb however I need to take time to write a CV etc etc but I feel like I'm chasing my tail on my days off to get all housework and errands run when time allows.

What's more is I'm actually beginning to enjoy just being at home, playing with DS, giving him my full attention (feel incredibly guilty atm when I work), keeping on top of the house and enjoying the odd nap and sorting for Xmas, and going back to work.

So I guess, AIBU to stop. I can't help but feel lazy, but today I feel physically ill yet again with tiredness and wondering how the hell I'm going to make it to 5pm.

I think if you can do without the money it makes sense to recharge your batteries for a while and concentrate on getting a job later on. A better paid job will allow you pay for some child care so you don't have to juggle everything at work.

Sounds like you are paid very little.for the amount of work you are expected to do!

Even if you were only there the 4 hours a day you were supposed to be, that would work out as about £4 per hour. It sounds as if you are largely there longer than that because you are having to tidy up in order to do the job too? They are seriously taking the piss.

I earn NMW but I rarely manage to do the hours I'm expected to do (and have been spoken to various times about this) hence why it's so low. I worked my balls off last month and managed £300 which is around what it should be. I also get paid for tidying, but then reprimanded when the cleaning isn't done. It just feels like so many hours, and so much effort for so little. I had a tricky pregnancy and couldn't work and spent ages beating myself up for not working, thinking I was lazy. So I guess this was me trying to make myself feel better for that and providing something for the family. But it just feels so futile.

I spoke to DP the other day quite loosely about it and he wants to make sure this money comes in in a few weeks before I do stop as he's very logical and likes to play safe. Which is fair enough but I'm meant to be in today and I just can't face getting DS ready to go. I know I should just suck it up but I'm really at the end of my tether and don't want to go. Which I understand sounds very childish but I'm just worn out. I do have form for anxiety too, but that has been great for the last two years so don't think it's that.

That's way below minimum wage.

Sounds like actual hell. You take a small baby to do a cleaning job at family home and business and can't get it all done so instead of 4hrs you do 8hrs. You get told off for not doing it right (by family?) And you do 12 days a month for maximum 300 pounds.

Is that right?

I don't understand why you would do this if you didn't desperately need the money. What do the rest of the family do? Are you cleaning their home just instead of a cleaner or is this part of the business?

You're breaking your back for £2.50phh max. and that's if you were actually only doing 4 hours per day. stuff that. I would have been long gone!

It's not, as I only get paid for the actually work I do, not the hours I'm there as obviously I have to stop to feed DS, changing nappies, put him down for naps, and play with him if he's not happy playing by himself. So I write down exactly when I stop to sort DS, when I start, when I stop for a break (technically have 15mins all day, which is not enough to make some lunch, especially if DS is up).

YANBU, just stop now.
Look for a better job in January but get proper childcare.
If money is tight make sure you're claiming all the benefits you're entitled to.

@GoatFinger, yes family business but I'm predominantly cleaning their home in place of a cleaner. They want me to do more in the business but it's impossible to do with DS with me, unless someone watches him and they rarely do as they're very busy with work.

My partner works so hard to make ends meet (and thankfully now we can relax a little) so I feel if I have the option to earn some money then I should break my back doing it, but it's worn me down now. I just feel awful saying to DP I essentially can't be bothered when he works so damn hard to provide for us.

@AnotherEmma I'm looking to set up my own business and have looked into childcare. I'm really excited but need to sort it properly but before I know it Christmas will have been and gone and it'll be January!

Unfortunately DP earns too much for any benefits but the tax man's a killer meaning things have been tight.

Is there anyway you could do the cleaning in the evenings when your partner is home? You'd be able to get a lot more done without the baby and be much more efficient.

This doesn't appear to be a great career though. Can you do it on weekends while DH looks after the baby? Are you qualified in anything that you could do x3 days a week and get childcare? It just sounds terrible.

NMW is £7.83/hour. If you're working 3 days a week, 4 hours a day, that's 12 hours which is £93.96/week. That £407.16/month. But you say you're earning half that?

How big is your parents' house? Why on earth do they need 12 hours of cleaning a week?

"I just feel awful saying to DP I essentially can't be bothered when he works so damn hard to provide for us."
It's not that you "can't be bothered", you are looking after a BABY, it's hard enough to keep your own house clean and tidy with a baby, let alone someone else's.

Stop being a martyr.

I find it really strange your family are treating you like that. Where has the baby stuff your mum had disappeared to? YANBU by the way!

It sounds like a lot of work for very little return. Quit now and enjoy time with your baby. If the situation changes in the future you will be able to find poorly paid work again. It’s well paid work that tends to be in short supply!

Cleaning in the evenings isn't an option as parents want to stop at that time, plus partners job is all over the place in terms of late finishes, away over night so couldn't do any set days which my Mum wants. Weekends are tricky. We have DPS every other weekend then the weekends we don't have him are spent trying to catch up with everything else and have some much needed time to rest and recoup. It could be done, but it would mean we hardly saw each other and DP hates the idea of it. I do too in honesty.

I want to be with my son for a little longer yet, but he will go to childcare in January February and I will be either pursuing a career I want, or going self employed. I'd just rather have a nice first Xmas with him and sort everything properly.

If you can afford to stop and get yourself sorted independently then give yourself a break so you can regain the energy you will need to do it.

Your wages don’t work out at all. I can’t believe this is for your FAMILY! I know how you feel when you say you are so tired you feel sick. It’s one of the worst sicky feelings.

Baby is still small enough for a sling. Have you tried sticking him in a sling on your back and getting on with the cleaning? I did my own housework that way.
You wouldnt need to for the full 4 hours, but it would mean you could fire through a lot quite quickly then anything which you can't do with the sling on, you can pop baby down to play.

@AnotherEmma, it's a 5 bed, 2 bathroom house and my Mum is quite particular. Plus if I have extra time then I will do a bit in the business. I get about the looking after a baby. And that's what I try and tell myself. My Mum raised 3 of us singlehandedly all under the age of 3 working 3 jobs, which is admirable, but she seems to have a very 'if you're not struggling you're not working hard enough' attitude to life, and if I were to say, look, I'm finding this too much she would very much think of me as lazy. Apologies if this comes across as me trying to be a martyr.

How dirty is your parents house??

@Avrannakern, unfortunately it involves spraying a lot of chemicals so whilst the sling is a good idea, I don't want him around that. For the tidying I could, but that also involves heavy stuff, and being small I'm just not sure I could do that physically! I do love the sling though!

My wages do work out if you just look at the time I spend actually doing the work. When I'm there but not physically cleaning, I don't get paid for that. Can be annoying when it's DS nap time and a family member drops by for a cuppa and a catch up!