Working with a baby, fed up and want to stop

[Hillside1234]

Hi, long time lurker but first post.

So, I work for the family business (kind of) doing cleaning 3 days a week in my parents house and in the business premises. I take my DS who is now 7 month. This has been going on since he was maybe 3 months old? It was a huge relief to begin with as there was no pressure to get loads done (tricky when you take your baby with you). As time has gone on it's become set days, have to get four hours done each day. Seems not a lot but I tend to be there from 9-5 and not get it done. What's more is whatever I do, do, is completely undone by the time I go back in next and I have to do the same job again (no Biggie but does grate on me). Then recently everywhere has been a total tip which feels overwhelming, especially when I can't find anywhere to put DS down. DM is great and has so much stuff there for DS which makes it easier (bouncer, play mat etc) except it's now all gone missing and it's a huge faff to sort anywhere out for him to play. His sleeping has gone bad recently and with some other personal stuff I'm really struggling with my sleep and feel physically sick some mornings from tiredness.

I typically earn about £200 a month, so not a lot but has been helpful. Recently DP has come into a bit of money and we can afford to not have this £200.

I'm looking to go back to work properly in Jan/Feb however I need to take time to write a CV etc etc but I feel like I'm chasing my tail on my days off to get all housework and errands run when time allows.

What's more is I'm actually beginning to enjoy just being at home, playing with DS, giving him my full attention (feel incredibly guilty atm when I work), keeping on top of the house and enjoying the odd nap and sorting for Xmas, and going back to work.

So I guess, AIBU to stop. I can't help but feel lazy, but today I feel physically ill yet again with tiredness and wondering how the hell I'm going to make it to 5pm.

Right, well if someone stops by for tea and a chat you answer with "I'm at work". You don't sit down for a chat when the baby is asleep and you have a paid job to do.

Just because it's at 'home' doesn't mean you aren't working. Tell them you are working.

I’m sorry OP your parents sound like horrible employers I’m surprised previous posters have not been more emphatic if you were working for non family I’m sure it would be illegal to pay you so little.

There's lots of work being going on as they've had all downstairs renovated so it gets very dusty. Combine that with the constantly moulting dog and the request to use a toothbrush around plugholes on a biweekly basis and I have myself a lot of work to do! It drives me potty how pinickity she is but i suppose if it were anyone else employing me I'd get on with it too.

I'd absolutely love to do that Avrannkern but it's normally my Nan, who I'm very close to, and has recently lost her Mum and is struggling a bit, so I really would struggle to say no.

Just stop now

I wouldn’t do it. I’d quit and spend time with the baby, get their sleep sorted ready for your proper return to work.

I’m looking forward to going back to work part time as it will be seperate from my baby, and considering how hard maternity leave has been I think I will find it quite relaxing!

Taking the baby to work sounds stressful, I can barely get my house tidy so this sounds like hell. Hope you get it sorted.

If your family paid a proper cleaner to do the work it'd be costing them over £100 a week; it's not reasonable for them to treat you like this. Honestly, if you can cope without the money, just stop, and spend the next few weeks enjoying time with your son and getting prepared for a better job.

Ghanagirl, they're normally pretty awesome employers and treat their other 'proper' staff incredibly well, including my sister. I think because my role is a bit odd, my Mum plays hardball with it a bit.

It sounds like you are being taken advantage of. Sack it off.

Thanks Perfectpeony, I can't wait either! Just to do something for myself, by myself. As awful as that sounds!

I run my business from home. During business hours, I do not answer the landline and only answer my mobile to the school. I will answer work phone but if it's family I will say I'm at work, I will call you back after work.
If family pop round, I will say I'm at work, and ask them to call later.

You're either at work or you're not. Get the cleaning done then go home or go visit your nan at her house. Or leave the job.

You have the equivalent of a tinesheet system for cleaning your parents plugholes with a toothbrush? Barely minimum wage? It sounds truly awful. And your DM sounds harsh and unforgiving. Cleaning for someone you are not related to sound a lot better than this. YANBU.

Yep Hillside, and taking a lunchbreak. Bliss.

@Avrannakeen, it sounds like you're pretty awesome at drawing the line and getting the balance. Unfortunately I'm not, and really, really struggle to say no. Especially to my Nan. She's so sweet and sad at the moment.

To be really clear here - you want to get rid of your job, we'll ignore the reasoning for a moment for simplicity; and you can afford to do so because your partner works and is getting a windfall shortly, right?

And he is in agreement that you can give up the job once the windfall has arrived but doesn't want to tempt fate beforehand?

I think you'd be unreasonable to give it up until he's happy, really, you'd be putting a lot of pressure on him as the sole breadwinner and it sounds like he's not asking you to wait long. Is the windfall guaranteed?

You'd not be unreasonable at all to give it up afterwards. It doesn't sound like it's going to work for you.

This isn’t a proper job OP. You need proper childcare, set hours and the ability to turn people away from calling for a cuppa while you’re working. You’re right to quit IMO.

Btw once your baby is mobile you will get nothing done.

that is not a job that is slave labour.....just say no ...all that effort hours/not quality time with DS having to account for everyminute... thats really strange for a family job... what woudl happen if you said cant talk to family member dropping in..as have to record the times..
they are completely taking the piss - you wouldnt work like that for anyone else- they couldnt employ anyone on those terms

Oh my goodness @PerfectPeony, a lunch break! The stuff dreams are made of!

It's quite reassuring to see I'm not being unreasonable, or lazy. Thanks so much guys for the reassurance. Guess I need to have a frank chat with DP tonight and my DM tomorrow. Or AIBU to not at least see it through until Xmas and leave her in the lurch.

it sounds like you're pretty awesome at drawing the line and getting the balance. Unfortunately I'm not, and really, really struggle to say no. Especially to my Nan. She's so sweet and sad at the moment.

I'm self employed too. There's always someone who you love who needs you, who has lost someone or is having a bad time.

To stay in business and make money, you have to draw the line harshly and enforce it. You'll have to do that if you're thinking about going self employed, too, or doing anything from home.

You end up being everyone's midday pick me up otherwise; everyone's lift or parcel acceptor or last minute school run. My friends know if it's urgent; I'll help as much as I can, like they would. But nobody can just pop round to talk. If one does it; soon they all will.

I know you’re saying that the time you’re there you’re not cleaning, but the money they’re paying still doesn’t add up! I pay my cleaner £12 an hour, I’ve had quotes for as much as £18. Fair enough my cleaner doesn’t bring her kid, but if you actually do clean for let’s say 3hrs but you’re there for 5, they’re still not paying you enough and seems like they’re making it sound like they’re actually doing you a favour!

What @MotherWol said you get £50 a week for 12 hours!!
I pay my cleaner £10 per hour so if you worked for me you would more than double your salary (and I wouldn’t expect you to scrub plug holes with toothbrush)
it doesn’t seem right that your paid less by family members.
How’s your relationship with them generally and are you the younger sibling?

They are taking the piss, sorry but they are!
Most cleaners are self employed and earn £10 to £12 an hour! so if you're working 3 days a week, let's say for 6 hours, then you should be taking home at least £720 (based on £10 an hour).
Are you a skivvy?
You'd be better off getting your own clients and baby goes to a child minder.

@AnchorDownDeepBreathe, these are my thoughts tbh. He's not asking a lot at all. It is guaranteed, a work bonus that's been confirmed. But he's very cautious with that stuff, and rightly so. I should just get on with it but I've been feeling like this for a while and it just feels too much and I can't go on anymore. Some days I'm so tired I don't feel safe driving to work (I think there's an underlying medical issue but doctors are dismissive but that's another story) so I'm worn out well and truly. DS and DP aren't getting anything close to the best of me at all. I know it's childish but today I feel like I've hit a brick wall and just don't want to do it anymore. So you're totally right and I'm with you, I just don't feel I can. But I really should.

That does sound bad, @Hillside1234.

Do you know when the bonus will be paid? The month, at least?

Would your parents pay you if you needed time off sick? If you've got an employment contract, it should say in there.