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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have cancelled my favour?

122 replies

nottomgates · 04/12/2018 18:53

My friend asked me to arrange her big birthday night out. She is having 4 celebrations from meals out with the girls to a cocktail night out. The cocktail night she asked me to arrange. I was given 20 names and numbers of who to invite( the majority I don’t know). On a group chat one of the girls offered her BF bar as a meet up point and she would provide free canopies and 2 bottles of fizz. Perfect I thought. I checked in with my friend on the arrangements and she became very rude and abrupt. She had wanted to meet in a cheap cheerful city centre pub on a Saturday night. I told her the bar is on the way and that we could decorate the table and make it special. I phoned her and she was still very rude saying that’s not what she had in mind. I ended the phone call by saying that I feel like I’ve upset her and I’ve not done anything with the intent of upsetting her. She said I had upset her. I said we should leave the conversation and think about what we’ve both said.
I think she does know what she has in mind, and I obviously don’t. She knows where people live and where they can meet up, I don’t. With hindsight I then felt uncomfortable asking up to 20 people I don’t know for money. I’m also the only one of her friends who works from home in the evenings. Most nights I have brought home work that needs doing for the morning and I always have work emails that I read and respond to.
A few days later I tried to be diplomatic and not hurtful to my friend. I told her that I think I should pass the baton back to her to organise her own party as she knows what she wants, knows how to ask the others for money without causing offence and I took too much on with work commitments. In truth I know she can be hard work with organisational things and knew we’d still have problems me going back and forth with plans.
She accused me of of spitting my dummy out because I didn’t get my own way with regards to the meet up bar.
I’ve text three times since and got the same response- she’s busy. I tried phoning and she didn’t answer.
Have I been unreasonable? ( I didn’t offer to organise her night out- it was put on me).
Btw I organised my own big birthday night out.

OP posts:

MissRhubarb · 04/12/2018 19:51

Your friend must have a busy life, as I swear she's the same prick who's treating her bridesmaid like shit on another thread on here at the moment. There's no half measures with people like this. Either you do exactly what she says, all the time, no matter how unreasonable it is or you distance yourself/walk away and preferably dump her. List 5 good things about her OP. I bet you struggle to.

ThanosSavedMe · 04/12/2018 19:53

Stop texting her and do not do anything to organise any kind of party.

She is a massive cheeky fucker.

Frankswife87 · 04/12/2018 19:54

Wow! Yanbu , she's behaving like a spoilt princess. Tell her to grow up

MrsSpenserGregson · 04/12/2018 19:56

Is the bar in Maui?

mummmy2017 · 04/12/2018 19:58

If you don't contact her for a week, bet she comes back to you about something.
Passive aggressive to go reply to punish you.... Just enjoy the rest from ear ache...
You now have perfect excuse to never do things like this again...
Well I would love to dear friend but you know what happened last time best not....
Christmas.... If she says a single thing... Oh yes that was when you threw your toys out of the pram because I decided not to be your unpaid party planner.

eddielizzard · 04/12/2018 20:01

WTAF!!!!!!!!!! W.T.A.F! are we to endure birthdayzillas now? God help us all. Nevermind brexit, this'll undo the nation.

Accountant222 · 04/12/2018 20:02

You aren't in the wrong, stop texting the cheeky fucker

LordNibbler · 04/12/2018 20:04

She's behaving badly, but you're allowing her to. She seems to have got you very well trained. Why are you allowing her to treat you like this?

Stormwhale · 04/12/2018 20:09

Stop fawning over her op, it's pathetic! She is clearly a diva who thrives on drama and people begging for her attention. Do you really want to be friends with someone like that? Why are you so desperate to fix this when the friendship doesn't exactly seem like a nice, equal, caring relationship?

There are MUCH nicer people out there op, I suggest you befriend some of them instead.

sackrifice · 04/12/2018 20:09

What a complete twat.

Stop texting her! You are not her staff.

SandAndSea · 04/12/2018 20:10

She sounds very hard work. I think this might end up being a blessing for you tbh. If you'd done a good job (in her assessment - whatever that might be) you'd have been landed with organising far more in the future. I think that making some space between you now will probably be for the best. As someone else said, hold your head up, you've done nothing wrong. She sounds very entitled.

coconutwheel · 04/12/2018 20:13

I always wonder who are these people who behave like arseholes and yet have 20 friends prepared to come at the drop of the hat and offer free venues, food & drink... where am I going wrong?!
I agree with PPs. Move on from her; she's spoilt and selfish.

MyKingdomForBrie · 04/12/2018 20:15

Seriously, why are you entertaining this bitch. She excluded your cousin and you go along with it, she treats you like a complete mug and you beg her forgiveness?!

How dare she say you've 'spat your dummy' what a rude patronising cunt. Delete her number to stop yourself from humiliating yourself any further chasing her.

Foslady · 04/12/2018 20:15

If there’s an atmosphere then laugh at her - I doubt that many people in the family will think that she she’s Being reasonable either!

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 04/12/2018 20:19

Like a PP I always wonder how these people have any friends left at all. It's weird to ask a friend to organise your birthday for you but if for someone reason that's what you've decided to do you need to let them bloody organise it. If you have something in mind just organise it your bloody self!

LagunaBubbles · 04/12/2018 20:20

Stop texting her, she's playing you completely.

LucieMorningstar · 04/12/2018 20:21

Big birthday you say? Which one? 13, 16 or 18?

snowflakealert · 04/12/2018 20:29

Meeting up in that bar was someone else's suggestion and kind offer, not yours, so I don't understand why your CFF is accusing you of spitting your dummy out over it. It was never your idea in the first place.

Just text her back and say that you've decided that on the whole it would be best for her to organise her own party, because then she can have exactly what she wants.

Don't worry about any atmosphere at the Christmas do - seems like everyone knows what she's like by now anyway, and you don't have to be pals with her just because you're distantly related by marriage.

Poloshot · 04/12/2018 20:35

Fuck her off, what a nause.

HollowTalk · 04/12/2018 20:35

Honestly, she's a really spoilt, entitled brat. I would text her, "You are such hard work. Organise your own party - count me out."

londonrach · 04/12/2018 20:38

Simple answer to this...shes a bitch. Op you have had a lucky escape from this cf.

recovery18 · 04/12/2018 20:39

I just really want her to be able to get a bit of perspective and to be less high maintenance about it.

Well then YABU because it isn't your business to do this. She isn't going to see it from your POV because she is a total bitch. The more attention you give her the more she gets off on it.

I don't mean to be rude but how old are you OP? Maybe you haven't come across people like her before but we all have

Where's your self respect?

Tistheseason17 · 04/12/2018 20:40

Why on earth are you bending over backwards for this woman?

She is a controlling CF - if she was your DH we'd all be telling you to LTB.

Armadillostoes · 04/12/2018 20:45

OP-I understand that you want her to be okay with you BUT by texting and pandering like this you are making matters worse not better. She is feeding off the drama. Leave her be and stop rewarding the negative behaviour with loads of attention. What is true for small children aslps works for adults who behave like them.

FascinatingCarrot · 04/12/2018 20:45

So she hasnt even invited her own SIL (your cousin)?

She's a nasty bitch. Stop texting her. These ridiculous birthday nights out with her will be shit now. She will put you down in front of everyone every chance she gets and will call it 'banter', trust me.

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