Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have cancelled my favour?

122 replies

nottomgates · 04/12/2018 18:53

My friend asked me to arrange her big birthday night out. She is having 4 celebrations from meals out with the girls to a cocktail night out. The cocktail night she asked me to arrange. I was given 20 names and numbers of who to invite( the majority I don’t know). On a group chat one of the girls offered her BF bar as a meet up point and she would provide free canopies and 2 bottles of fizz. Perfect I thought. I checked in with my friend on the arrangements and she became very rude and abrupt. She had wanted to meet in a cheap cheerful city centre pub on a Saturday night. I told her the bar is on the way and that we could decorate the table and make it special. I phoned her and she was still very rude saying that’s not what she had in mind. I ended the phone call by saying that I feel like I’ve upset her and I’ve not done anything with the intent of upsetting her. She said I had upset her. I said we should leave the conversation and think about what we’ve both said.
I think she does know what she has in mind, and I obviously don’t. She knows where people live and where they can meet up, I don’t. With hindsight I then felt uncomfortable asking up to 20 people I don’t know for money. I’m also the only one of her friends who works from home in the evenings. Most nights I have brought home work that needs doing for the morning and I always have work emails that I read and respond to.
A few days later I tried to be diplomatic and not hurtful to my friend. I told her that I think I should pass the baton back to her to organise her own party as she knows what she wants, knows how to ask the others for money without causing offence and I took too much on with work commitments. In truth I know she can be hard work with organisational things and knew we’d still have problems me going back and forth with plans.
She accused me of of spitting my dummy out because I didn’t get my own way with regards to the meet up bar.
I’ve text three times since and got the same response- she’s busy. I tried phoning and she didn’t answer.
Have I been unreasonable? ( I didn’t offer to organise her night out- it was put on me).
Btw I organised my own big birthday night out.

OP posts:
Original poster
nottomgates · 04/12/2018 19:20

I’ve text her again, asking how she is and is she feeling festive. No reply. It’s upsetting me as well know her through family. My cousin is married to her brother. And on Christmas Day my mum and dad are going with me to my cousins house and I know she will be there. I really really don’t want an atmosphere on Christmas Day. Her birthday is in January.

OP posts:
BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 04/12/2018 19:20

4 parties?

Skip them and just post her a tiara as she’s obviously a bloody princess.

Original poster
nottomgates · 04/12/2018 19:20
  • we know each other
OP posts:
category12 · 04/12/2018 19:22

Oh just let it hang, honestly. You're not in the wrong here.

Who on earth asks other people to arrange birthday parties for them? It's not a bloody hen night. {confused]

TemptressofWaikiki · 04/12/2018 19:23

OP, don't be such a door mat!

delboysskinandblister · 04/12/2018 19:24

dodged a bullet there. hire the ball pit for her

Fridaydreamer · 04/12/2018 19:24

Stop chasing her. She’s loving you keep texting her all needy.

Grow a backbone, stop texting her and wait for her to reply.

She’s not a friend btw but I think you know that. Up to you if you want nasty people to be fake friends to use you for what they want.

recovery18 · 04/12/2018 19:28

Is she married? What were the wedding preparations like Xmas Grin ????

Birthdayzilla springs to mind.

Agree with PP - she sounds like a cunt. Stop being such a bloody doormat and cut her loose. If you don't want to see her at Christmas then don't - do something else for that bit. Fuck her.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 04/12/2018 19:30

Who the hell has 4 birthday parties and gets other people to organise them for her? (Are you friends with Mariah Carey? Is it a Kardashian?)

You are not her staff. She doesn’t pay you enough to treat you like that.

RoboticSealpup · 04/12/2018 19:30

She asked you to organise her birthday party? Hahaha, that's not how it works, is it? Did she ask for a surprise party as well? Crazy.

BumbleBeee69 · 04/12/2018 19:32

STOP texting this idiot, once you stop chasing this witch you will feel tenfold better.

You have done nothing wrong, she on the other hand is a fecking clown Flowers

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 04/12/2018 19:33

She asked you for a favour that was going to cost you time and money

You helped out and did a decent job

She then had a tantrum as you didn't carry out this favour to her exact specifications which she had actually neglected to tell you

Despite being the one to have a tantrum, she is now expecting you to apologise

You apologise (for what! ?) and instead of gracefully accepting and trying to make up, she is making you grovel

She is still ignoring you

Can you see how crazy she is acting? Unless she is a hundred in January there is no excuse for this behaviour (including the 4 birthday events).

There won't be an atmsphere if you see her at Christmas as you can hold your head high and be pleasant as you have the knowledge you've done absolutely nothing wrong. Please stop apologising and just nicely suggest she organise it since she has specific ideas of what she'd like and leave it at that

She's treating it like a hen do and you a bridesmaid. Birthdayzilla!

MerryMarigold · 04/12/2018 19:34

I don't know anyone who gets someone else to arrange their birthdays. Even big ones. She sounds Very Hard Work.

Whocansay · 04/12/2018 19:35

Why the fuck are you chasing this bitch? She's utterly unreasonable.

The more you chase her, the less likely you will have any contact with her BECAUSE SHE'S ENJOYING YOUR DISCOMFORT.

Stop. Now. You need to ask yourself why you feel you need to accept this kind of behaviour.

Weezol · 04/12/2018 19:35

OP remember the golden rule:

We don't reward bad behaviour with attention.

MerryMarigold · 04/12/2018 19:35

Grin at "Unless she's a hundred..."

SleepWarrior · 04/12/2018 19:35

All the weirdness and unreasonableness is coming from her direction so if it's awkward at Christmas it really isn't something you can do much about.

You tried to smooth it over, she's not interested. Just leave it.

AhNowTed · 04/12/2018 19:36

You are wasting your time OP.

Stop texting her.

And keep your dignity.

You will be tempted to keep texting her in the hope that you regain some ground. Honestly don't. She's mean and you're not going to change that.

snowflakealert · 04/12/2018 19:36

My cousin is married to her brother

Then she's already going to know what the CF is like anyway. Is your cousin invited to any of the parties?

YourMilkshakeIsBetterThanMine · 04/12/2018 19:39

Ffs stop chasing her! You're validating her behaviour by chasing her. She's acting like a dick.

Starlight456 · 04/12/2018 19:42

Yes stop texting .

I want to know like pp what did she do for your birthday.

Step back from the madness. I would love to hear how she has been in the past bet she has been a cf but you have sucked it up

DonDrapersOldFashioned · 04/12/2018 19:46

SHE’s barking.

If someone said to me that they were planning a ‘cocktail night out’, I certainly wouldn’t be thinking ‘cheap and cheerful pub’.

Original poster
nottomgates · 04/12/2018 19:46

No my cousin hasn’t been invited, as the friend isn’t keen on her.
I do know she is being unreasonable not responding to me, I just really want her to be able to get a bit of perspective and to be less high maintenance about it.
I’ve tried harder than I would with any other friend, I know I should tell her but I only want my text messages to be nice, polite and welcoming.

OP posts:
QueenofallIsee · 04/12/2018 19:50

Stop texting her OP, you are playing into her 'Queen Bee' mindset and validating her behaviour. You did nothing wrong and she is punishing you because she likes doing it!

Katedotness1963 · 04/12/2018 19:50

You’re never going to make her happy because you’re not a mind reader. She apparently knows exactly what she wants and it’s not the perfectly nice evening out you organised. Just ignore her till she gets over herself.