To ask if you grew up poor, what was your life like?

[SilverDoe]

Was it still positive? Did it affect you adversely? Do you still consider yourself to have had a happy/loving upbringing?

Sorry for posting here, not sure where else to post it and I know it’s a popular board so hopefully will get some diverse replies.

Why are you asking?

For your newspaper article?

Yes I was brought up poor. No it was not positive and no I did not have a happy or loving upbringing. I had a miserable childhood.

I cannot decide if it effected me adversely. In some ways it made me strong.

Wow, people are so mean :(

I’ve been a member for quite a long time you can see my posting history.

I’m asking because I’m a young mum of 2 and I don’t have much money, I do my very best to ensure that they have lots of positive experiences but I’m worried that I’ve set myself up to fail regarding their childhoods by having them so young.

You don’t have to share but honestly you don’t have to take the piss out of me.

*Not so young, I wasn’t terribly young but quite unestablished in life, decent job but live in an expensive area. No chance of ever owning a home etc.

We were rather poor growing up. Poor but happy was our motto :)

I had a very happy childhood with my siblings and my mum. My dad was basically always in work. He was definitely the provider and our mum was the nurturer.

I remember lots of laughter and camping holidays.

It was grim at times. I remember having to be quiet when the baliffs knocked so they didn't think anyone was in.

Also the inventive food my mum could conjure up out of practically nothing 😂

Hasn't affected me adversely at all. In fact the opposite.

We are comfortable financially, but it makes me feel very grateful and I never take money for granted.

That’s good to hear Positive :)

I feel embarrassed now as we’re not in poverty but sometimes my heart aches thinking about the future and if they’re having enough. I’m trying to fit as much in with them as possible and I want them to look back and see themselves as having come from a warm and loving home, it got me wondering how much is down to money and how much is down to other stuff.

When I lived with my grandparents, it was wonderful. We always had enough to eat, my granny was a great baker and I was very loved. Always had presents under the tree and we lived in a small place where pretty much everyone was in int he same situation, so it didn;t bother me. We didn't know anyone who owned their own house, a car or who could afford to go on holiday. it was fine. When I went back to live with my parents, it was awful as they drank and fought a lot and didn't want to stop partying just because a child was now in the house. It was quite dysfunctional, looking back on it. But the money side of things didn't really bother me until I was a teenager. I hated having very few clothes, nothing really nice to wear, not being able to afford haircuts or to go out. I think it is why I am such a clothes horse now! The times having no money really got me down was having to turn down the chance to work with someone very famous in their industry because I couldn't afford to work for six months for free. who knows where my career could have gone if I had been able to afford to do that internship? But my life has turned out well so I am not bitter. Just do the best you can, OP, like we all are trying to do, never be afraid to show your kids how much you love them and put them first when they need you to. You won't go far wrong. x

I had a very happy childhood but was aware that we were poorer than most. As an adult I am quite anxious about money but also prone to binge spending, and would say most of my life choices are heavily influenced by my fear of being poor again, which is not necessarily a positive.

My father was borin in the early 50s to an immigrant family living in a poor area of an already working class city, and I think the level of poverty they grew up in is hard to imagine now, he and his siblings never had a negative word to say about their childhood except for their hatred of tripe

I have mixed feelings about my childhood. We weren't destitute so we were always fed/had a roof over our head, but there wasn't spare money for extras and we didn't have many clothes. One thing that really bothered me (and still does to this day) is that my parents smoked. So while we were always short of clothes/had holes in our shoes and were having to wear the same pair of socks for days on end, they always afforded a daily packet of cigarettes. The one thing I took forward from this was to always put my children's needs before my own, as I felt a bit unvalued by my parents.

Thanks all, it’s lovely to hear your positive experiences

I think actually, the issue lies with me and I need to work some stuff out. I’m worrying about all sorts of stuff related to the kids lately, worried about all sorts of aspects of their lives and future.

They have loads for Christmas and have had lots of fun already. They have 2 loving parents who love each other too, and live in a happy home. Although we struggle financially sometimes I know it’s not as bad as some people’s. I do worry about accommodation but I know that we’d never be without a roof over our heads. I need to relax and it’s odd because I’m a happy and laid back person. There was a lot of dysfunction when I was growing up and a lot of stresses, so perhaps now that I’ve got my own children to look after this is coming to the surface a bit?

Notatall I’m paranoid about clothes and spend more than I should on them! I have a strong need to make sure these basics are met, maybe it’s because I’m worrying about never owning a house. I don’t know what’s going on tbh. I need to step back a bit I think.

Grew up poor in the 80s. But I didn't fully understand we were poor. I mean I knew I got less than other kids but didnt really link it to a non working mother and an abusive stepfather. Mixed childhood feelings, 70% absolutely miserable due to sf but other 30% happy. I don't think my miserableness stemmed from being poor because as a young child I didn't know any better. But by the time I was a teen I knew I was from a poor family. And it wasn't nice. I've arrived to make sure my dc get what I never had. Probably too much and they are a bit spoilt.

Arrived 😖 should be strived.

I didn't know we were poor if that helps. looking back at photos I realise we were , but at the time I was happy, healthy and had what I needed so didn't notice.

I grew up without much money but always felt loved and wanted
It did affect me though - I was too embarrassed to invite friends home and missed out on lots of opportunities eg school trips, swimming lessons etc because I never asked as I knew they couldn’t afford it
I also feel that my parents distress at their situation affected me from too young an age - they overshared
I remember not being able to sleep for worrying about my Mum who was always crying because she couldn’t pay the coalman and or feed us
My DC were not brought up with much money either but I hid it better and did all sorts to improve my situation

When i think back on my childhood, none of the emotions come from money or lack of. We aren’t short of money nowadays, but we were really skint when I was a child. But I think quite fondly of the things we got up to in order to save money or escape paying for things. My memories are of a very happy childhood, full of family and love and stories and fun times. What’s that meme I keep seeing on Facebook? The most important things in life aren’t things. Something like that.

I grew up poor (not in England). we should not have been but to us it appears that our parents had other priorities. Dad was working really hard but mum did not work. However, mum’s extended family was so poor and they all fed off my dad. I’m sure he spent more than 50% of his salary on other people monthly. When I was growing up, myself and my siblings (4 of us) always felt like we don’t have the fun and experience that every one had and we always wished we did.
I definitely was not happy.
Everything went from bad to worse when my dad died when I was 12. My mum wasted all his entitlements (we could have lived happily on this). She was his next of kin and he left no will. We were never her priority, her family was.
I have no fond memories of my childhood but this has not impacted me negatively because I’m so much better now. It taught me to be strong, budget, make a life for myself and think about the impact any decision I make will have on my children and my future.

My family was poor growing up and my childhood wasn't perfect but i don't think i was really that bothered by our lack of money, i only realised how little we had at around 11/12 years old. A lot of my clothes were handed down from a family friend's daughters but i didn't mind as long as i liked the look of the clothes i didn't care where they came from, those clothes were then handed down to my youngers sisters. We never really did days out or holidays. Some years we would go camping in a field somewhere, usually near the beach, i absolutely loved it. At one point we just had mattresses on the floor. But what i remember most about my childhood was how fun the simple things could be, we would play outside for hours, play games purely based on imagination, make dens, climb up trees. I was rarely bored and always found something to do

I suppose we were poor, but we never knew it. I didn't know when my mother went without food, so that we could eat. I didn't even think about holidays, most of my friends didn't have them either. Occasionally we would get some new clothes for Christmas, looking back, the presents we received probably cost very little, but we didn't know.
We were loved, and spent time together. My parents both worked, my mother sewing at home late into the night; I started Saturday jobs at 12, and vowed that I would always work hard and not get into debt, my parents had very little debt. Thus far it has worked, I am not megga rich, but we are comfortable, have no debt and have holidays most years. So I think my childhood has definitely had a positive impact on my life.

We grew up fairly poor (unemployed dad, mum worked at low paid jobs) but we didn’t really feel it. My mum was great at taking us on outings to cheap places, we went on holidays with grandparents and my mum made us have a happy childhood.

We were poor, but then so was pretty much everyone where I grew up. We were one of the poorest families though. I didn't really mind. It was the 70's/80's so maybe less pressure in terms of material things than now? Childhood was cheap as kids just played freely in the neigbourhood and surrounding areas. Kids didn't need adults to organise 'activities' or playdates back then.

Downside was the school was shit. I got good grades but I can seen now how the lack of expectations and generally experience at school was worse for me than people I know now who went to better schools, and left me worse prepared to life in general, with a poorer none academic skill set/ attitude.

Now as an adult, I am relatively poor (not absolutely) compared to the other families in our area and I feel it keenly.