To ask if you grew up poor, what was your life like?

[SilverDoe]

Was it still positive? Did it affect you adversely? Do you still consider yourself to have had a happy/loving upbringing?

Sorry for posting here, not sure where else to post it and I know it’s a popular board so hopefully will get some diverse replies.

non academic, . that should have been

We were poor and I also had an absent father but I had such a happy childhood. We were a really close working class family, all of us lived in the same area so I was always in and out of cousins/grandparents houses. My mum loved me and did plenty with me. My best friend lived on the same street and we were always "playing out", water fights with the neighbourhood kids in the summer etc. I look back on my childhood fondly.

I’m asking because I’m a young mum of 2 and I don’t have much money, I do my very best to ensure that they have lots of positive experiences but I’m worried that I’ve set myself up to fail regarding their childhoods by having them so young.

I want to add to my previous post now that I have seen this.

I was poor and had a very unhappy childhood. But I don't think that I was unhappy because we were poor, it was because I had mentally and physically abusive parents. Being poor, not being able to do things, being left out, didn't help of course.

I mentioned that I was not sure if it affected me adversely s it made me strong. Well, I had an unhappy childhood, but I have had a very happy adulthood and have achieved many personal goals.

I reconciled with my parent's treatment a while ago. For various different reasons they taught me to be resilient, to know right from wrong and to be independent.

That’s good thank you all :) so a lot of it is parental attitude and relationships as well. I do worry about school, however I can plan around that I think, if I work hard, and get into a good area.

I grew up pretty poor, council house, very little money. Overall it was fine, we learned to appreciate free stuff! Like on xmas day we’d always go for a walk, just to get out of the house and things like that I remember fondly. We’d play cards and board games as a family rather than spend money on going out or expensive new gadgets. Food was often home grown in the garden (though appreciate that’s impossible for most people unless you get an allotment), clothes home made or jumble sale stuff. I think over my life time it’s made me appreciate money, appreciate my good fortune to not be still struggling and not to look down on people who are. It made me more compassionate than I might have been. Sometimes it hurt not to have more money, but only occasionally, like the time I wore a nice new top I’d got in a jumble sale and a girl at the school ‘do’ asked if I’d got it there and when I said yes, she breezily said: I thought so – it used to be mine! But she had a lot of bad stuff happen and I liked her, so it was just another lesson for me in how not to behave myself. We learned to budget early, like being told we had X amount to spend on xmas presents each and should go through the catalogue and write a wish list based on that amount. You sound pretty sorted, especially on the accommodation front. I was technically homeless for the first 3 years of my life, which has left me with a terror of being homeless again. I rent, probably never own a place, but you cope. Best of luck!

I do worry about school

Don't even worry about school. Yes some people get an advantage in life and go to great schools. I didn't, I had a crap and miserable childhood, I attended a comprehensive in Oldham that has been bull dozed now. But I have a maths degree, I am a chartered accountant and I am currently studying for a masters.

We were fairly poor, dad worked on a low salary plus commission basis so if he didn't earn we struggled. He wasn't good with money either. Mum was a good money manager and worked when she could- when we were at school or took in language students. We went to the parks, days out, and holidays to family sometimes. ( But we lived by the seaside they lived in a heavy industry area so they came to us!). She was a great cook and baker and always came home to delicious smells!
We were happy but not wealthy. However mum, in particular, was a strong believer in education, so we were encouraged to read and use the library etc. Not going to Uni was not an option for either of us (this was in the 1970's and the course had to be vocational! ).

I have had a good career but I am always a bit worried about money. I don't spend a lot on treats for myself even though I can afford it.

Like some pp's, I grew up poor but was unhappy due to not having loving parents, the being poor was not so much the problem. I was a single mum for the majority of my kids childhood but they always remember experiences over things. For example, sometimes I'd make afternoon tea for me and my DD. I'd get little cakes and stuff and put them on a cake stand, make a proper pot of tea etc and we'd sit and chat. She still has really fond memories of that. Or with my DS, I'd sit and play his computer games with him, we'd have a laugh and joke about. Or we'd all play board games together. These are the things that children remember. Whether you spent time with them.

The other thing I'd say is never squash their dreams! I wanted to be an air hostess when I was growing up and my mum always told me I wasn't pretty enough! It was years before I realised you didn't have to look like a model to be an air hostess! But by then I'd given up on that dream! I've always brought my kids up to believe they can achieve whatever they set out to do.

The mere fact you're thinking about this and you care about it, shows that you care deeply for your children. You'll be fine

I did. I remember my childhood being a bit shit, on the whole. I enjoyed certain things we did but day to day i was often cold, hungry and bored. My clothes didnt fit/were tatty and i got bullied. I'm doing better now im an adult and master of my own fate, my mum started digging us out of our hole when i was about 12 and was successful. I intend to build on her work and make sure my daughter has a happier childhood. I've made a few dumb decisions which have held us back but on the whole i think we're doing better.

It affected me negatively, but we were without our mum and just my poor dad bringing us up single handedly.
I remember feeling embarrassed about our house comparing to my friends houses all the time, embarrassed about my clothes, about looking scruffy and never going abroad.
I felt worried about money, was often cold and hungry, mainly it was growing up in a wealthy area but not Being wealthy was really hard. I also felt looked down on by some school staff and pitied by friends parents.
No we're older my sister and I are addicted to money and have to spend everything we get i.e. No savings.
I am currently doing the nurture part of my DDs upbringing and am purposely not going to have another, go back to work full time when she starts school and make sure she never feels that lack as I did.

We had very little growing up Mam was at work dad was a sahp. I had second hand clothes, about ten pounds for my birthday and about £30-£40 at Christmas, was hard seeing friends have all the latest things and clothes. I got a job at 15 waitressing whilst still at school and I loved going to the town with my wages to get new clothes. When I was younger my dad would just tie my hair up in a loose ponytail and I got nits, my dm discovered it when I was riddled with them. Through their faults they will lovely parents and I try to take the best bits from them and but I do things differently birthdays are always celebrated with a cake and several presents, I like to spoil them at Christmas and I ensure they have plenty of nice clothes. Dd I always make sure her hair is done nice and presented well.

I do remember my auntie taking me shopping for clothes age 10 as she took me to Canada it was amazing trying on all those different clothes and being able to choose when I wore for that reason I never get second hand clothes.

We grew up poor but so was everyone else in the Neighbourhood so we didn't really notice(yet I still kinda knew!). We all wore our older siblings cast offs and my mum spent a fair bit of time sewing and mending. We never went out for dinner. We certainly never went abroad or even in the UK on holiday. Days out were rare yet I remember having fun going to other people's houses, to the local park, riding our bikes around the block and just hanging out. I remember my mum always waiting for the red bill before she paid and me helping her count out the pennies. I remember some very cold winters when the boiler didn't work and we couldn't afford to fix it. I know at times it was very stressful for my parents and they did get angry at us but on the whole we were very lucky as they were loving and had aspirations for us. I think this is probably more important than anything else, their belief that me and my siblings would have a better life than them. We very grateful for that.

We were not poor had great Christmas and birthdays, days out holidays etc but all my DM and DD did was argue and my sister and I were treated differently (she got more) , that's what I look back on, not the nice things we had. Money doesn't matter to a child love happiness quality time and a good environment is what matters....

We were poor, not that we were aware back then. Lots of families in the same boat as us, but always warm, fed and loved...material things are nice but not a top priority. I loved family time, still do.

We were poor growing up.
My mum was a single mum to 4 of us, she worked all the hours she could, in any jobs she could to keep our house and keep us fed.
I never realised
Only now as an adult when she tells me stories of how she wouldn't eat so we could, and of how one year she had managed to scrimp together £30 for Xmas to split between all of us for "santa" presents. Then her heartbreak when my brother who was only small asked her why she didn't get us anything when our dad had got us loads 😔

The only bit I remember being shit was at school, because we got free school meals and at the time the free meals kids got a different coloured dinner ticket. Some of the kids used to take the piss.

I would say a big thing is to widen your child's horizons so that they can see lots of potential in their life. My school never did that for us and neither did my parents. Most of the professional careers I wasn't even aware existed, and those that I was aware of (doctor) it never even occurred to me that that could be an option for me. I never even got as far as thinking, that's not for kids like me. Just never occurred to me to think about it at all.
If you can put this horizon broadening and expectation into your kids life they'll have a better start than I did. Also, its not just grades, its the other stuff that matters too, being confident in speaking your own views matters a lot in getting on in life.

My parents were poor, my dad was a manual worker who worked every hour he could, my mum was a SAHP until my younger brother was past being a toddler, then she started work on a twilight shift at a local engineering factory. We never knew we were poor, we had clean clothes & shoes, a warm home, good food & lots of love, we had the same car until I was 10, my dad used to repair it himself if it broke down, he repaired the washer & Hoover if they broke, we hadn't the money to replace them. We didn't get a colour television until I was about 7, we lived in a rented terraced house that my parents decorated & maintained themselves, we didn't go on holiday every year, if we did go it was to a rented house or bungalow on the East coast for a week. Going out at weekends was to the local park or to visit relations, we took turns about once a month to go to tea at my God parents or they came to us on a Saturday. When I was growing up there was no rich & poor divide between the children in my class at school, we were probably all poor in some way, we were all clean, dressed & fed & grew up being loved.

We were poor in the 70 s .
I think it stressed my mum out, which was hard, but the actual poverty wasn’t so bad.
My mum bent over backwards to make sure we had presents at Christmas and birthdays.
We didn’t do much, but again I think that was my mum being too overwhelmed to be adventurous.

So i think if you can find ways to deal with your stress, and still get out and about, even if it’s just go to the woods and build a den, I think your kids will have lots of happy memories.

I remember being cold and hungry a lot and our house was massively overcrowded. I think the worse thing about that though just us was all having to sit in the one room to stay warm whilst my stepdad smoked (I'm asthmatic). Had 'free' days out to the beach etc. which were fun.

I visibly looked poor so was a bit of an outcast at school. If you can pick and choose I would say make sure your kids have decent uniforms more than home clothes as this is what they'll get seen in most. I get upset when we have my DSD's after school and their mum has put them in saggy horrible tights and scraped their hair back - it gives me flashbacks of just always feeling like the scruffy kid.

My family also never took any risks that might have improved our living situation from fear of the unknown. This took a long time to train myself out of and I stayed in rubbish jobs I absolutely hated for far too long, effectively setting back my career by miles because that was what I knew.

I remember feeling ashamed and not good enough many many times.
Trying to stretch down too short sleeves, put my hands over holes in clothes to cover them up. Painful feet because of shoes too small.
Overwhelming shame though.
We were fed, probably loved but not liked.
Domestic abuse, alcohol abuse and mental health were the contributions to my childhood.
We knew no different so it was the way it was, we got on with it.
I had a job at 14, began buying my own clothes and stuff for my siblings.
Now I don’t give it a second thought.
I’m happy, my kids have all I can give.
Also interestingly I have a very good relationship with both of my parents who both acknowledge the shit times quite openly.
My siblings have very sharp memories of our childhood, dunno, I may have blocked a lot out but don’t remember half of what they say went on and I was the eldest and at the forefront of most of it.
I’m not affected by it particularly.

Slightly different situation to many on here, but interesting none the less. We were middle class but poor. I didn't realise it until I was in my late teens. My parents bought their house on two good incomes, but then my mum got very ill and they had to survive on one with large outgoings. I know they managed to 'keep up appearances' but they didn't do it without juggling a lot of debt.
They are not flashy, but come from solidly affluent back grounds, so they weren't used to cutting their cloth.

My mum recovered and returned to earning well. She tells me how she would panic when we needed new shoes etc, and she was always scraping at the bottom of her overdraft, but she never let on. I now know my dad didn't sleep at night for worry

We never holidayed abroad, but thanks to friends with second homes we always holidayed in 'naice' places.

I'm in no way comparing us to pure generational poverty, but I think it's interesting how my parents cultural capital papered over the cracks. Their friends and the circles they moved in meant we never went without experiences or opportunity. I had 'nice' hand me downs and my mother was an excellent cook so knew how to make meals on a bootstrap. They did not drink or smoke and Mum made a lot of clothes. However on paper their financial situation for nearly two decades was incredibly depressing.

So in short, no. Because my parents concealed it well, and they made sure I had the positive experiences you are giving your children.

Not taking the piss OP. Asking as journalists do have a habit of coming on here.

We were poor in that my DF was a farm labourer and my DM a SAHM. We had free school meals. Very few toys. Rarely new clothes. It didn't matter though as we were loved, given attention and read to.

DSis and I were expected to go get degrees and did. We're both doing well.

DF on the other hand grew up poor, no affection and little attention. He's seriously messed up emotionally.

Re. school- reading to your DC lots from when they are young seems to make a big difference. DS's school is always emphasising this.