To ask if you grew up poor, what was your life like?

[SilverDoe]

Was it still positive? Did it affect you adversely? Do you still consider yourself to have had a happy/loving upbringing?

Sorry for posting here, not sure where else to post it and I know it’s a popular board so hopefully will get some diverse replies.

I'm a child of the 60s . Lived in a council house. Dad worked full time, mum part time. The house didn't have double glazing, not central heating. During the winter I had a hot water bottle for bed plus lots of costs as well as blankets for the bed. You'd wake up to ice on the inside of the windows. Didn't get new clothes very often. A lot of my Christmas / birthday presents were made by my parents. i.e. They'd buy a doll. My dad would make a dolly's cot and my mum would make the bedding and the dolls clothes once I'd gone to bed.

From experience - try not to overshare your money worries. Kids can cope without 'stuff' more easily than they can cope with parents who are always openly worried about money.
I'm haunted by 'that look' on my mum's face many years later.

Hi,

Not read all the posts on here but I was from a poor family. My mother had endless affairs when my father broke his back. She left the family home when I was 4, died when I was 12. Little contact in between due to her drinking.
My father lost the family home due to being out of work with his back. We were homeless.
My uncle ended up putting us up in a tiny room until the council helped us.
My relationship with my father is incredibly strong. He’s my best friend. X

I grew up poor, but in a 'good' place to be poor in, if that makes any sense.

There was great state support, brilliant schools, super library access. I got phenomenal opportunities through school so in terms of future prospects I wanted for nothing.

We were very loved by my parents and they always put us first. They were also quite thrifty and good at finding cheap/free things to do so that mitigated the effects.

What bothered me was not having the mod cons other people had (no car, no shower in the bathroom, no fancy gadgets). I also had little in the way of new clothes. I always felt dowdy and this upset me a bit as a teen.

Now I'm very comfortable, but I notice that I'm much more materialistic than my DH who grew up much richer than me.

My sister has spent all her adult life in minimum wage jobs and has been a single mother for most of it, but has done a fabulous job bringing up two sensible, happy children. There's a big age gap between them, and the 23 yr old eldest and her fiance are just about to move into their first home. His family is also poor but they both worked hard at school, (neither has a degree) and prioritised saving for a deposit over other things. I am really proud of them both, particularly when I see articles saying that bank of mum and dad is the only way young people can afford to become homeowners. I don't honestly think family wealth / poverty is linked to happiness / loving family.

I grew up in a lower-income household, my mum was self-employed so money fluctuated and some months were tough. I never went cold or hungry (although sometimes had some odd concoctions from the back of the cupboard), and always had decent shoes, warm coat and clothing. However, I did miss out on some things that I wish I could have experienced.

We couldn't afford lessons for any hobby consistently. I started ballet but had to stop as the local school closed and the others were too expensive. I had a few riding lessons for Christmas or birthdays but couldn't ride regularly (once I was a teen I mucked out stables after school for the odd ride). No music lessons, which I think I would have benefited from.

We never had a car, which is somewhat limiting. I could never call my mum to come and get me if there was a public transport issue, and it felt slightly awkward to get lifts from friends parents without being able to return the favour.

I was an avid reader, and regularly used the library - but I used to find the Book Fairs at primary school hard. Everyone would keep asking why I wasn't buying a book as I read loads. The teachers used to make me walk round the hall with everyone else to look at the books, and I remember being offered to borrow some money by a teacher as they thought my mum had forgot. I was about 8 and it was hard trying to explain that there wasn't enough money that month for luxuries.

I also missed our Year 6 trip as I told my mum I didn't want to go after overhearing her say how expensive it was, and I didn't ask to go on any of the optional trips at secondary school.

Ultimately the hardest thing was being evicted from our rented home of 19 years, when I was 14. My mum was distraught, and we almost became homeless. It caused me a lot of anxiety, but also drove me to prioritise buying a home as an adult, above travelling or having a nice car.

We were poor. My parents regularly went hungry and my mum owned one pair of trousers to her name; a pair of leggings which she constantly had to sew up again at the thighs. I honestly think it wasn’t the lack of money which affected my parents the most; it was being the poor relations and feeling inferior because of it (my dad had a hellish childhood)

Us children didn’t suffer during childhood. Our parents did their best to keep us well fed, clothed and happy. When I needed a PC (I was top of class at school but had illegible handwriting) my parents went into a huge amount of debt to pay for it.

I only realised we were poor when I went to uni and later started work; I just didn’t fit in with the middle class people there

, I know my parents did their absolute best; and I couldn’t fault them at all for my childhood; they went without so that we didn’t.

My mum would still give me her last penny. The biggest impact it has on me is that I need to save and have a secure home. My mum totally discouraged me from giving up work or taking a lower paid job when I had my son; she thought that struggling for money makes life so much harder

However I should have mentioned that not having a lot of money was a blessing in disguise. I was part of a loca group who were having a trip. My parents were particularly skint that week so I didn’t ask for money to go.

There was a terrible accident on the way back from the event. I would most probably have been severely injured or killed

I grew up poor, although we were lucky enough to be in a council house with a decent sized garden in the countryside. We entertained ourselves outside year round so didn’t need much by way of toys. Clothes all second hand, bought a couple of sizes too big and worn til at least a size too small. Walked or cycled everywhere instead of driving. Grew a lot of our food. Never went abroad. I feel like it was a very positive childhood.

Although financially poor, we were surrounded by a wealth of love from our parents. Father very often on strike, sometimes we had the same meal three nights running, usually veg grown from our allotment. No central heating, washing machine, fridge, car, phone, tv etc., we made our own entertainment, and had a lovely childhood

Was very poor but it's great now, having things like carpets and hot water when you started life with an outside loo, two pairs of knickers and two pairs of socks. No point being bitter, just glad it's all looked up.

I grew up in poverty. My DM was a 17 year old single parent when she had me. We lived in over 20 homes by the time I was 16 due to having to move around a lot between bedsits and council properties particularly when I was very young although it was much more settled as I got older.

She worked 2 jobs and I had to be pretty independent from a young age.

But I remember my childhood being happy. My DM was extremely loving and caring. Would go without so that I didn't. Spent quality time with me whenever she could.

We are still extremely close, speak every day and see each other most. I have nothing but respect for her.

Until my grandad died when I was 9 we were really hard up. I wouldn't call it poor. The main impact on me was:
Dad was agressive and violent to me, I think because he was being treated like shit at work.
Nasty unfashionable clothes, given to us by people, or knitted by a mad aunt. My little sister then got them third hand off me.
Shitty holidays. We once went camping in Newport Pagnell for our main annual holiday, and back at school the teacher made us write the usual 'what I did over the summer' bollocks.
It wasn't the inherant crapness of the holidays and clothes that bothered me so much, it was the embarrassment at school.
Being really yelled at for minor acts of wastefulness (like putting ham and cheese on the same sandwich).

Then in 1979 my grandad died and I got a scholarship to a private school. We were then theoretically better off, but thrust into a milieu of much wealthier, middle class people. No ski trips for me, no French Exchange (no space). Dad parked his Lada round the corner on parents evening. Rarely invited friends home. Later on couldn't afford to go clubbing, or get a taxi back from town.

So what am I getting at, I don't know. I think the shame attached to poverty is actually worse than the poverty itself. I picked up on my parents shame.

My dh grew up poor and neglected. He remembers being given 2 rich tea biscuits for lunch, not given a packed lunch on school trips and always hungry, this was mid 1970s. As a consequence he has always allowed our dc free access to food as he vowed to himself that his dc would never be hungry, this has brought its own problems. He is also really careful with his money and knows exactly what he has almost to the last penny.

Just reading though the above posts and wanted to add a couple of thoughts - I totally agree on the risk aversion that comes from being hard up. Even now, whatever I announce to my parents that I am thinking of doing, it's 'oooh no, I wouldn't'. They think everyone should 'keep their head down' at work, and never rock the boat.

Also interesting how many people mentioned the clothes shame thing. Luckily clothes are now relatively cheaper compared to incomes than they were in the past.

I grew up poor. Very little money for non essentials. Dad worked, mum SAHM until my teens. I had an amazing childhood. Lots of input from my parents/ grandparents. We rarely had paid days out but we had own free days out. Walked miles with parents (rural upbringing) on weekends. Outdoorsy goodlfe kind of upbringing - chickens/ veg plot. Baked with grandparents. learned a lot of crafts/ skills. 1 holiday (caravan) my whole childhood that I could virtually tell you everything about because it was such a special treat. The not so fun part was the hand me downs. It did get tedious never having something that was just mine alone. And I was envious of my friends going abroad for holidays and having Nike trainers! but those are minor things. I have a wonderful relationship with my family and I put it down to my upbringing.
My situation as an adult is far different, but I try and raise DC in a similar fashion to how I was raised.

I'm a child of the early 50s born in a slum clearrance area, one outside toilet between several families. No hot water on tap, no washing machines - you get the picture. Then we were given a new build council house. We were in heaven! Hot water on tap, a real bath not a tin one hung on a nail outside and dragged in on Sunday nights. Inside toilet yaay! But we kept our thrifty ways i.e.hot water bottles and piling coats on top of the bed to keep us warm. Extra cardigans . Only getting new clothes at Whitsun, one toy plus dad's stocking filled with nuts and tangerines for Christmas. We never knew we were poor because we were all in the same boat. Ahhhh happy days.

I was happy because I didn't know any different, and I didn't have expectations of the things that other children did. Where I grew up, it was normal to live hand-to-mouth, nobody in our social circle had holidays abroad or big houses, and I had everything I needed. I actually felt better off than most because there was no abuse and neither of my parents was in prison.

We had very little.

My mother worked as a home help and my dad did some sort of work in insurance but lost his job in the 90s recession.

My childhood wasn't great tbh but that was because my dad had a temper on him. I was happy around my mum.

I grew up poor but had a lovely childhood. When I grew up, I was able to appreciate the increadable struggle my parents had to make it that way.
I think it unavoidably effects your outlook though. The world feels that little bit narrower.
I've been making reasonable money for a while now and I can notice in myself how much my view of the world has changed. There just feels like more possibilities. Its hard to explain.

We were poor, but the money was divided unequally so the boys in our family always had what they wanted. Maybe I’m a materialistic cow, but memories of being bullied for not having a school jumper, designer trainers or the latest toys just dampens anything I feel about my childhood. Yes my parents were loving but my mum was quite sinister aswell in favouring her boys.

I make sure my children get everything they ask for. We’re not super rich but each child is loved and cared for and provided for equally. I would never ever buy 1 thing for 1 child and leave the other. They all either go without or have something together. They’re really loving kids too as a result. They always share their goodies and sweets and make sure their siblings don’t get left out.

My family is quite complicated. My father has two sets of children. We grew up without much at all, carboot sales, camping, picnics etc. he left us and had more children with his second wife. By then he had established more of a career (plus we were kind of forgotten)

Anyway. They had 5* holidays, had flown business class by then age of 11. Designer bags, clothes, makeup and so on.

I 100% don’t feel jealous of their upbringing. When I fly business class I will appreciate it (yet to happen), when I go on holiday I will appreciate it because I’ve paid for it, I’d rather have cheap clothes and put some money in a savings account. I am grateful for what I’ve got and if I’d been brought up like them I wouldn’t have that.

I don’t want to spoil my children either. You can’t appreciate anything if you’ve always had everything.

My family were a little bit nouveau-riche. Both my parents solidly working class Londoners but my Dad started a business and did quite well (absolutely not rich, don't get me wrong, but comfortable). We had a dishwasher in 1969!

However, my Mum made most of my clothes. One Christmas I had a home made dressing gown as a present and a home made (by Dad) dolls crib, doll, dolls clothes knitted by my grandmother. I never had more than 3 pairs of shoes at a time (school, party, plimsolls) and we went to jumble sales regularly. Socks, tights and sheets were repaired. We had one black & white tv. We went on a package holiday to Spain once a year. We had one car.

My point is, we were relatively wealthy in the 60s/70s but still lived a modest life compared to how the relatively wealthy would expect to live now.

Grew up poor in a very poor rough area. In primary school it was fine, and the poverty level was normal. As a teenager I hated having very few clothes - 2 pairs of trousers, few t shirts, few tops, one pair of shoes.

I was raised in the 70’s and 80’s on a council estate by parents in and out of work and often on benefits. This was relatively ‘normal’ on our estate and we weren’t made to feel poor. I was well cared for and loved. I had clean clothes to wear and food on the table and I never felt that we did without anything but lots of it would have been handed down . It was only when I went to secondary school and I made some friends whose parents were more middle class that it registered with me that not all families were like mine and even more so when I went to university. It made me value things over material possessions to be honest, although I recognise that a family today under similar circumstances would have it much harder than we did.