Irritated by baby group chat..

[igot99problems]

I am due to give birth in the new year and am a member of a mums to be Facebook group.

One of the mums just posted the following:

My consultant said today that I need to be eating healthier and doing an hour's exercise a day. Instead I bought a birthday cake to myself as that's what I'm craving and I plan on eating it all to myself 😂

And all the comments that followed cheered her on, laughed and talked about how she should sit on her sofa and eat more. She agreed and was laughing at the consultant in her comments.

I'm honestly astounded...the level of scorn written about this poor unknown consultant who is only trying to give good advice for the health of mother and baby is disgusting. I know that if the consultant didn't show enough interest in this mum's health she would be the first to complain about it. I responded and said that the advice seems fair and she might feel better if she tried to be more active etc. And it hasn't really gone down well...

Not sure if it matters but this mum to be is quite a bit overweight and was before she got pregnant.

AIBU to have felt the need to respond how I have? Does anyone else feel like this attitude is a problem and entitled? I don't know why it irritated me so much, I know that if I had been offered the same advice I would be contemplating how I could alter my lifestyle somehow to at least try to do what is best for me and my unborn child. I felt I needed to stand up for that NHS worker who is probably doing their difficult job very well...

Terrible advice and arguments are what baby groups are for. Enjoy breastfeeding wars when the babies are born and, even more exciting, when somebody dares to wean before 6 months!

Perhaps it's a joke?

Its not your concern though or your place to say anything. If someone want a to eat a whole cake to themselves that's up to them.

It's light-hearted I am sure, you just have different senses of humour

Tbf it's no different to what would be said on here.

I know that if I had been offered the same advice I would be contemplating how I could alter my lifestyle somehow to at least try to do what is best for me and my unborn child

We can't all be as perfect as you.

You mean the mum is obese? Well being told to do an hour's exercise a day is a little late if she is already pregnant though the advice to eat properly isn't.

Ignore them and if it comes to much remove yourself from the group.

I think you just sound like she annoys you generally, in honesty. You're not going to change her attitude by telling her that in your opinion she's a greedy, selfish fucker. The baby groups often get a lot worse. Be prepared to pull your judgey pants high if they are already on in pregnancy.

@mostdays - it's not about being perfect it is about ensuring you don't harm your unborn child.

Lol. Since I've been pregnant I've cut down on caffeine, given up alcohol, take my tablets, do more walking, eat more vegetables and fruit and have actually lost weight due to sickness and food aversions... But I still make jokes about eating entire cheesecakes and having had a bit too much crack cocaine this week. Doesn't mean I'm not listening to my medical team, I just like to make stupid jokes about being a lazy, cake-stuffing fatty while I have the excuse as a pregnant lady.

it's not about being perfect it is about ensuring you don't harm your unborn child.

Ah! Looks like there's at least one other person as perfect as the op.

Give her a break. She's probably sick of people having a go at her for her weight.
I have 2 dc age 30 and 24 and I m glad nobody policed my eating and drinking back then although I wasn't overweight.
When did society become so judgy about pregnant women?

This is one of those times I wouldn't have said anything.

I would have said nothing. Can’t fix stupid.

@mostdays - I was actually thinking of the HCPs I know who complain about women with some conditions particularly diabetes, who don't take their condition seriously until they are pregnant.

I am so so far from perfect!! I have struggled as much as anyone to make healthy choices since being pregnant. It is also so hard to get up and get moving sometimes, so I promise I am not sitting high on any kind of holier than thou pedestal.

But..I do resent someone being so publicly contemptuous towards a doctor who is giving help and support. To me it is the same as if a doctor told me my iron levels are too high and so I post about how I'm going to eat a huge plate of steak with spinach...screw what the doctor thinks! I would expect people to tell me to grow up?

Maybe she was just joking and isn't having any cake, and plans to adopt a healthier lifestyle for her and her child's sake, but I can't comment on that as she hasn't posted that?

I know that baby groups are probably going to drive me mad but I just got a shock at how immature some people can be?

OP yep people can be immature. Definitely don't have to be smart or mature to have children and you'll see even more stupidity in real life baby groups unfortunately. Find a mum to be who you're on the same level with and stick to them!

Does she have GD? If not, I wouldn’t be able to get worked up about it or judge her.

Maybe you should leave the group. It clearly isn’t for you and parenting can be hard enough as it, let alone when you have differing styles.

I think it is very difficult when a woman's body suddenly feels like it becomes 'public property' simply because she is pregnant. So much 'advice' and (intimate) checks and examinations. 'Consent' can feel moot. No wonder women rebel...

The doctor probably knows that every bit of advice they give out isn't going to be followed and I doubt the doctor saw her post about eating the cake or would really care. Don't take on other people's problems and concentrate on your own pregnancy.

I can see why you found it annoying, her comment about eating the whole cake comes across as a f**k you to the consultant.

Mainly because I find it difficult to believe that someone buying and eating a birthday cake all to themselves is normal behaviour, so it’s not like she’s ignoring the consultant and just carrying with her normal diet, it’s like she’s deliberately choosing to eat more badly just to show the consultant who’s in charge. Immature.

But not much point commenting, if she’s not willing to listen to the consultant, she’s hardly going to care what some random woman on Facebook says.

honestly, just wait until your babies are here - it gets a LOT more annoying and very difficult to hold your tongue, but you need to learn to as you won’t be very popular and you need mummy friends.

I see what you mean op.
I have requested an elcs and the comments I have had from people about costing the nhs extra cash are unbelievable.
When my previous difficult birth was no fault of my own.
Then some people take no responsibility for themselves, cost the nhs a bomb, but if you dare to comment on it, you are a considered a judgy fucker.

Then some people take no responsibility for themselves, cost the nhs a bomb, but if you dare to comment on it, you are a considered a judgy fucker.

Well you are being aren't you? No one has any right to judge you on your elcs but then neither have you a right to comment on what they eat. Each is perfectly legal. Why purposely perpetuate the rhetoric that erodes adult women's choices?

It would be legal to feed your 4-5 month old birthday cake three times daily.
I’d disagree with that too.
Not because my eating habits are perfect. But because i don’t think it’s acceptable To collude with people when their behaviour is harming their health. Pregnant or not.
And when you can’t get good care because the resources are taken up by people who are high risk because of their own behaviour, it does sting.

The woman clearly doesn’t need any egging on.
If it were me I’d ignore her comment or say i agreed with the consultant. Her unborn baby has no choice about whether it is fed humongous quantity of cake.