Irritated by baby group chat..

[igot99problems]

I am due to give birth in the new year and am a member of a mums to be Facebook group.

One of the mums just posted the following:

My consultant said today that I need to be eating healthier and doing an hour's exercise a day. Instead I bought a birthday cake to myself as that's what I'm craving and I plan on eating it all to myself 😂

And all the comments that followed cheered her on, laughed and talked about how she should sit on her sofa and eat more. She agreed and was laughing at the consultant in her comments.

I'm honestly astounded...the level of scorn written about this poor unknown consultant who is only trying to give good advice for the health of mother and baby is disgusting. I know that if the consultant didn't show enough interest in this mum's health she would be the first to complain about it. I responded and said that the advice seems fair and she might feel better if she tried to be more active etc. And it hasn't really gone down well...

Not sure if it matters but this mum to be is quite a bit overweight and was before she got pregnant.

AIBU to have felt the need to respond how I have? Does anyone else feel like this attitude is a problem and entitled? I don't know why it irritated me so much, I know that if I had been offered the same advice I would be contemplating how I could alter my lifestyle somehow to at least try to do what is best for me and my unborn child. I felt I needed to stand up for that NHS worker who is probably doing their difficult job very well...

Alongside remembering obesity is one of the biggest costs to the nhs. And when it’s buckling and I can’t get an appointment with my gp or the care I need in a timely manner, I will be so thankful that people have the right to take no responsibility for their health. And yet demand the nhs pick up the bill. Such a privilege.

How about being respectful towards people's mental health and well-being? The mental health services are certainly overburdened...Can you provide a costing for the effect of poor mental health on society?

Somebody really must tell these uppity fat women that they're not allowed to make jokes about food. Or eat anything that isn't green. Or have children, because no baby wants a fat mummy!

I'm not just overweight, I'm obese. I know. SHOCK HORROR. Completely straightforward pregnancy, birth entirely uncomplicated by my size. Ate so healthily whilst pregnant that I lost a stone in the first trimester, only put on half a stone in the third, and ended up lighter than before I got pregnant the day after giving birth. And I still made jokes about eating cake, because I was pregnant, and that's one of those things that pregnant people do.

FYI, she's too little to ask just now but I'm pretty confident that my daughter would choose me as her mum in a heartbeat, as would I with my own overweight mum. Funnily enough, a person's weight doesn't have much bearing on their parenting skills.

OP, parenting is tough going. You need all the support you can get. Believe me, you'll enjoy it a lot more if you live and let live, and lift up your fellow mums rather than dragging them down.

I don't think I'm 'judging' anyone? Who am you judging?

Of course I know that people who have healthy BMIs also develop pregnancy complications. I was simply saying that the risk is greater if you are overweight.

But I do get a bit when shuns sensible medical advice when in the near future, it could be all that they need should they encounter problems. I'm not judging anyone though, that's my opinion on the matter. Like I said - I don't care what people eat - or whether they are underweight, overweight or a healthy weight.

Our society is so weird about weight and food, can you imagine if you changed the topic of healthy eating and exercise to giving up smoking or alcohol or heroin!
How different the response would have been, on the group and on here to your post too! Okay so maybe eating an entire cake may not quite be anywhere near the level of shooting up but it’s still an unhealthy choice.
I’m not trying to be judgey I’m just really interested in the difference between how these things are viewed!

shuns sensible medical advice when in the near future, it could be all that they need should they encounter problems

Change the 'sensible' to patronising and maybe you'd get the gist of her joking about.

I can only think that if the Consultant hadn't said anything, and the mum-to-be develops gestational diabetes or her baby has problems due to the unhealthy eating, she would probably be the first to complain that 'nobody told her' ...

I can't even imagine the mindset of someone willing to jeopardise their baby's health and their own health when carrying their baby by ignoring sensible, professional advice. Rubbish parent already, frankly.

I’m going to be anhiliated now aren’t I so I’d just like to add... I’m chubby, I’ve always been chubby, I’m really not trying to judge ANYONE about their weight. I’m pregnant and I most definitely eat too many biscuits. Love to everyone chubby or skinny!

I'd get out of that group now tbh. They almost always end in tears. When babies are born it'll fucking explode with various nonsense which often leave members concerned about their own parenting/baby not reaching milestones at same time as others.

If this woman has gestational diabetes - and I'm not sure what other reasons a consultant would have for giving her this advice - then I would would feel the same OP as it is very bad for the developing baby for this amount of sugar and carbs to be eaten and can cause complications. So it depends on that really.

If an unborn baby could advocate for itself it probably wouldn't choose to have a mother who was judgemental and seemed unable to teach them empathy for other people's circumstances or ability to to see other people's choices in anything other than a binary way either, but this thread demonstrates a few will miss out on that. Can't have everything eh.

HA! YANBU- more fool the lady in question. I know of several ladies who have ignored doctor's advice and seriously endangered their lives and those of their own unborn children as well. Doctors spend years studying for their initial qualification and then devote their careers to becoming increasingly specialist and only give advice like that if it is in the patients best interest. So, thank you for sticking up for NHS workers. I wonder if she had to pay for his services if she would have treated him with more respect?

Change the 'sensible' to patronising and maybe you'd get the gist of her joking about.

How is a medical professional telling an already overweight person that they need to consider making some lifestyle changes in order to limit complications during pregnancy and/or birth patronising? It's part of their job!!

Get over yourself op. Just leave the group if it bothers you.

The mum-to-be would have annoyed me too. 'Let's all laugh about someone who is not following a doctor's advice and is potentially harming her unborn baby'. But I probably would have just not commented.

Leave the group now. It's likely that there will be more annoying instances/comments. And also, if all the other group members were on her side, it's likely that they'll alienate you any way. Better to leave before that happens.

Eating sugar doesn't cause gestational diabetes. Yes, being overweight increases your risk of developing it - alongside several other risk factors that are not related to weight - but eating sugar won't "give" you GD.

AIBU to have felt the need to respond how I have?

YWB quite U to post what you did on that group - it was only ever going to piss people off. YAB completely U to then copy it all over onto another social media platform (Mumsnet) just so you could show off some more about how superior you are to this woman. Is it a closed group? If so, cutting and pasting from it is pretty nasty.

I’m going to be anhiliated now aren’t I so I’d just like to add... I’m chubby, I’ve always been chubby, I’m really not trying to judge ANYONE about their weight. I’m pregnant and I most definitely eat too many biscuits. Love to everyone chubby or skinny!

I don't actually eat any added sugar, as a general rule. Because of cancer risks. However, this was a choice I made for myself as a grown woman. It is my own choice and I recognise one that may not be strictly necessary. The research is not complete. But I've had cancer so the choice was easy. I still manage to find compassion for people struggling with people telling them not to eat sugar when most people do, when it is so readily available and seen as a 'treat'.

If the NHS was funded properly and run properly then we'd all be able to access decent, humane care.

Take it up with your MP instead of ignorantly repeating bullshit propaganda that scapegoats people instead of attributing blame to the MPs who deliberately underfund it.

And maybe try to have some humanity. Otherwise, what's the fucking point of being here?

And eating junk food doesn't harm the baby. The baby is not eating any of the food and as a PP pointed out, unborn babies are parasites. I lived on nothing but salt and vinegar crisps, multivitamins, and various IVs of antiemetics/Hartman's fluids for months. I asked many consultants if it would harm my baby and the answer was a resounding "no'.

Do you think she doesn't know that the consultant's advice is good? Do you think she will change her behaviour as a result of your advice?

Or do you think she's claiming to eat birthday cake on the couch because perhaps she's struggling or fed up with being made to feel guilty?

And do you think your comment just added to her guilt or do you think your comment actually helped her?

I wonder if she had to pay for his services if she would have treated him with more respect?

Lol. We all pay for the NHS. It's not free. It's not some gift from the gods that we must worship.

We pay for it.

If you already have gestational diabetes, eating sugar and simple carbs in high quantities would potentially harm the baby. I wouldn't care about the mother's weight just the poor baby with no choice. IF she is a gestational diabetic she should have been informed of the risks of this by her consulate anyway which would explain their advice.

How is a medical professional telling an already overweight person that they need to consider making some lifestyle changes in order to limit complications during pregnancy and/or birth patronising?

Because nowhere did it say that the consultant made any efforts regarding finding out what this women was eating and whether she exercised. Or why she did or did not. Which suggests it was advise based on assumptions. It is all very easy to underestimate a patients knowledge regarding diets by not addressing the route cause of eating patterns. A woman could have full knowledge of which food is advised but be struggling due to poverty or emotional eating, for example.

If you already have gestational diabetes, eating sugar and simple carbs in high quantities would potentially harm the baby

The woman being slagged off in the OP doesn't have GD.

Sometimes we all need a slice of cake 🍰 I doubt very much she ate the whole thing. And to the poster who said they don't know any overweight people with straightforward pregnancies....I had two babies while overweight, normal deliveries no problems, lost weight and had a third baby who ended up in scbu. That's the thing with childbirth, you can't write rules.