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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Irritated by baby group chat..

93 replies

igot99problems · 04/12/2018 14:05

I am due to give birth in the new year and am a member of a mums to be Facebook group.

One of the mums just posted the following:

My consultant said today that I need to be eating healthier and doing an hour's exercise a day. Instead I bought a birthday cake to myself as that's what I'm craving and I plan on eating it all to myself 😂

And all the comments that followed cheered her on, laughed and talked about how she should sit on her sofa and eat more. She agreed and was laughing at the consultant in her comments.

I'm honestly astounded...the level of scorn written about this poor unknown consultant who is only trying to give good advice for the health of mother and baby is disgusting. I know that if the consultant didn't show enough interest in this mum's health she would be the first to complain about it. I responded and said that the advice seems fair and she might feel better if she tried to be more active etc. And it hasn't really gone down well...

Not sure if it matters but this mum to be is quite a bit overweight and was before she got pregnant.

AIBU to have felt the need to respond how I have? Does anyone else feel like this attitude is a problem and entitled? I don't know why it irritated me so much, I know that if I had been offered the same advice I would be contemplating how I could alter my lifestyle somehow to at least try to do what is best for me and my unborn child. I felt I needed to stand up for that NHS worker who is probably doing their difficult job very well...

OP posts:

BumDisease · 04/12/2018 22:05

"Not sure if it matters but this mum to be is quite a bit overweight and was before she got pregnant."

Obviously it does matter to you otherwise you wouldn't have felt the need to mention it.

turquoise88 · 04/12/2018 22:05

Because nowhere did it say that the consultant made any efforts regarding finding out what this women was eating and whether she exercised. Or why she did or did not. Which suggests it was advise based on assumptions. It is all very easy to underestimate a patients knowledge regarding diets by not addressing the route cause of eating patterns. A woman could have full knowledge of which food is advised but be struggling due to poverty or emotional eating, for example.

But it doesn't say that the consultant didn't, either? None of us actually know the conversation that took place.

It may be hard to hear from a consultant that you need to make changes, whatever the reason for overeating. You may feel frustration, guilt, anger, sadness or self-loathing. But it's not patronising for the consultant to give advice based on medical research and expertise.

turquoise88 · 04/12/2018 22:08

And to the poster who said they don't know any overweight people with straightforward pregnancies....I had two babies while overweight, normal deliveries no problems, lost weight and had a third baby who ended up in scbu. That's the thing with childbirth, you can't write rules.

I don't know how many times I have to keep saying that the risk is greater in overweight mums. I know that there are exceptions, that's obvious!

grimupnorth1 · 04/12/2018 22:08

Yes, baby groups are awful for terrible advice and encouraging bad behaviour but in my opinion MN is worse 😂

coolcrispwinter · 04/12/2018 22:14

But it's not patronising for the consultant to give advice based on medical research and expertise.

No, it's patronising advice because it is based on the assumption that women don't know what is healthy for them to eat. It is patronising because it is unsolicited advice. If she had asked about diet or attended a dietary advice clinic, class or workshop it would not be unsolicited or patronising.

Bobswife39 · 04/12/2018 22:16

@turquoise88 I don't think you are the poster I was referring to 😘

CaptainCabinets · 04/12/2018 22:22

I hope she enjoyed her cake!

Meanwhile, here’s a whole packet of for you.

turquoise88 · 04/12/2018 22:26

We'll agree to disagree, then!

I'm all for being sensitive towards certain issues, but an already overweight pregnant woman who is boasting about overeating whilst all of her 'huns' egg her on isn't one of them.

BunsOfAnarchy · 04/12/2018 22:26

Shes probably just joking around.

coolcrispwinter · 04/12/2018 22:31

I'm all for being sensitive towards certain issues, but an already overweight pregnant woman who is boasting about overeating whilst all of her 'huns' egg her on isn't one of them.

Do you think people who are in need of extra sensitivity are likely to be behaving well?

BumDisease · 04/12/2018 22:32

"Shes probably just joking around."

Don't be silly, she's overweight so OBVIOUSLY that means she eats a whole fucking birthday cake every day, because heaven forbid a fat woman (especially one with the audacity to be pregnant) makes a joke about it! /sarcasm

ItIsChristmasTime · 04/12/2018 23:18

Maybe the birthday cake is little, maybe it’s made of vegetables and is healthy, perhaps she plans to eat it all to herself over the next year instead of in one sitting that you’ve assumed, or maybe she has just made it up. 🤷🏻‍♀️

kathmacc · 04/12/2018 23:28

Leave the group now -it will only get worse with bells on -it is so easy to be perfect online- find a decent local Mums and tots group and you will be fine xx

recklessruby · 04/12/2018 23:33

By the way I had severe pre eclampsia and I weighed 9 stone 7 at 5 feet 7 inches tall and 7 months pregnant. It's not always about weight. My son had to be induced at 32 weeks.
Fast forward to daughters birth. All straight forward and on time though I was 2 stone heavier.
It's not all about weight.
God forbid we end up with a society policing everything pregnant women do.
Haven't you heard of Gilead?

BettyBooper · 04/12/2018 23:44

Sheesh. Sounds like you need a dose of sense of humour tbh. Taking everything so seriously must be very hard work. Have a piece of !

recklessruby · 04/12/2018 23:49

Great. I now really want cake but we only have healthy food in the house

Thesearmsofmine · 05/12/2018 00:05

YABU i am sure she was feeling shit after her consultant appointment and made a joke about cake. People joined in with her joke.

TheChickenOfTruth · 05/12/2018 01:16

Lots of people here saying that pregnant women shouldn't be eating all the fat and sugar of cake regardless... I'm a fatty with a high BMI and during my last fatty pregnancy I was actually instructed by my midwife and a consultant to add dessert to my evening meal every day - cheesecake was their #1 recommendation. They would rather I gained weight alongside my baby than him continuing not gaining weight. Because ultimately if you don't have underlying health conditions, it's not the end of the world to be a fat cake eater.

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