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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it offensive when people query the paternity of my sons?????

94 replies

tiredemma · 23/06/2007 15:09

??
Ds1 is image of DP, Ds2 is not, he is much more like me and my side of family.

in the past 3 months a few people have asked if my children have different fathers.

A female Rugby coach looked at both of them a few weeks ago and said "have they got the same dad"?

Today- at ds1's 'street- dance' class at his school- one of his male teachers was there, I had ds2 with me as I went to collect ds1 -
male teacher- "they are not real brothers ae they? do they have seperate dads?"

amongst many others!

NO they do not have different dads

then dp says- "Ds2 doesnt look like me at all does he"- almost like his mind is working overtime......

They are like chalk and cheese- am I alone in thinking that people shouldnt be so vocal about it? ( I mean- asking if they have the same dad while dp is standing there seems a tad insensitive to me)

or is it perfectly reasonable to ask such questions? and I being an arse.

(have pics on profile of kids- do they really look SO different?)

OP posts:
allgonebellyup · 23/06/2007 15:12

blimey they're rude arent they??!!!!
cant believe people ask that!!

although theres nowt wrong with kids having different dads (mine have diff dads but look v similar to each other!!)

SoupDragon · 23/06/2007 15:12

Do they have the same father?

[snigger]

They don't look particularly similar but many siblings don't. I'd certainly never think to question the parentage.

Original poster
tiredemma · 23/06/2007 15:13

I know that there is nothing wrong with having different dads- dp has two half siblings.

I find it rude- especially as dp is actually there when they say it!!

OP posts:
brimfull · 23/06/2007 15:13

people have asked me this as I have two dc 11 yrs apart.

I did find it slightly offensive -don't know why really

allgonebellyup · 23/06/2007 15:13

is VERY rude, and not to mention NOSEY..

i would be v cross too if i were you.

hairybumhole · 23/06/2007 15:14

They're extremely different, but both equally handsome!!

I wouldn't have thought it was polite of anyone to question their paternity...

Even if they wondered themselves, how dare they be so rude to ask about it!!

gordieracer · 23/06/2007 15:14

My friend has three children, all of which look completely different, she gets asked if they have three different fathers!!

Original poster
tiredemma · 23/06/2007 15:14

they do look different dont they soupy?

realistically, I can see why people would think it- cant get my head round blatently asking outright!

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredemma · 23/06/2007 15:15

thanks Hairybumhole -( can you please change your name back?- I heave when Im typing it)

OP posts:
hairybumhole · 23/06/2007 15:15

ok

zookeeper · 23/06/2007 15:16

there's nothing wrong with having children by different fathers - why else would you be offended?

Original poster
tiredemma · 23/06/2007 15:17

Because people are querying dps paternity while he is there?

I never suggested it was wrong to have children by different fathers.

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 23/06/2007 15:18

She's offended on her dh's behalf.

I would be too, especially as you now say even he is beginning to pass comment on the boys being very different.

Next person to ask, just reply "That's an extremely rude thing to ask!" I would!

lulumama · 23/06/2007 15:18

they do look different..but mainly because one has such fair hair and one is so dark. i bet if they had the same hair colour, it wouldn;t be an issue

but i cannot believe the brass neck of people actually asking, like it is their business ! and in front of DP too...insensitive, not funny and not necessary. why do people think it is ok to ask..what if they did have different dads and it was an upsetting topic?

my children look nothing like me, am waiting for the day they ask DH who their mother is. When DS was little, i was mistaken for his nanny on more than one occasion ! grrr !

zookeeper · 23/06/2007 15:19

well maybe they assume you had one before you met dp . Facially they look similar to me anyway

DontCallMeBaby · 23/06/2007 15:19

I think it's the question that's offensive, more than the thought that they have different fathers. It's just very nosy. When you're pregnant 'was it planned?' is a similar one - it's not a massive insult that someone thinks your child may be an accident, it's just a very personal question.

zookeeper · 23/06/2007 15:20

god you're a sensitive bunch - they may just be making conversation

cinnamontam · 23/06/2007 15:20

Extremey rude - idiots

Original poster
tiredemma · 23/06/2007 15:22

its the eldest one that is the spit of DP zookeeper, the youngest doesnt- thats why it riles me because they are querying ds2 really, while I am clearly with the father of ds1- so why would ds2 look so different. Thats the problem, thats what people are querying.

" Oh ds1 looks just like DP- but your Ds2 looks nothing like him-"

OP posts:
lulumama · 23/06/2007 15:22

you don;t think it is rude or insensitive to have the paternity of your children questioned in front of their father!?!?!?

crazylazydaisy · 23/06/2007 15:22

I have the same. Blond blue eyed dd1 and brown eyed very dark hair (Spanish looking) dd2. The rest are luckily a combination of them so they all kind of blend
It surprises me so many have said it to you, think I only had the midwife with ds2 asking me.

zookeeper · 23/06/2007 15:23

Ahhhh! I get you now (not very quick today)

Can see why it would bother you - but still think tperhaps more thoughtless than offensive.

Original poster
tiredemma · 23/06/2007 15:25

I thought you were going to shout at me and tell me to get a grip!

OP posts:
zookeeper · 23/06/2007 15:27

moi?

foxinsocks · 23/06/2007 15:32

I get this too tiredemma

normally first line

'aren't they different'

second line

'is she yours?' (looking at dd)

then

'what nationality is her father' (i.e. is he non white as dd's skin is much darker than mine and ds's)

arrrghhhhh

it's just nosiness really - something to talk about I guess!