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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it offensive when people query the paternity of my sons?????

94 replies

tiredemma · 23/06/2007 15:09

??
Ds1 is image of DP, Ds2 is not, he is much more like me and my side of family.

in the past 3 months a few people have asked if my children have different fathers.

A female Rugby coach looked at both of them a few weeks ago and said "have they got the same dad"?

Today- at ds1's 'street- dance' class at his school- one of his male teachers was there, I had ds2 with me as I went to collect ds1 -
male teacher- "they are not real brothers ae they? do they have seperate dads?"

amongst many others!

NO they do not have different dads

then dp says- "Ds2 doesnt look like me at all does he"- almost like his mind is working overtime......

They are like chalk and cheese- am I alone in thinking that people shouldnt be so vocal about it? ( I mean- asking if they have the same dad while dp is standing there seems a tad insensitive to me)

or is it perfectly reasonable to ask such questions? and I being an arse.

(have pics on profile of kids- do they really look SO different?)

OP posts:
kiskidee · 24/06/2007 03:20

no yanbu. those people are tactless.

Bouncingturtle · 24/06/2007 09:55

Good grief, how rude!!!! My friend and her sister look nothing alike, because my friend takes after her dad and her sister takes after her mum. It's only when you see them together with their younger brother that you start seeing family resemblance. Plus my 2 stepsisters are the same - they look nothing alike, again one taking after their mum, the other their dad. So it really isn't that common for siblings not to look alike!
Sometimes some people only seem to open their mouths to stick the othe foot in [hmmm]

FioFio · 24/06/2007 09:57

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FioFio · 24/06/2007 09:58

This reply has been deleted

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DivaSkyChick · 24/06/2007 10:14

My friend had the same experience with her two dds. She responded (jovially) "Did you REALLY mean to say that out loud?"

Flustered woman will not be doing that again!

kiskidee · 24/06/2007 10:29

i really like that response divaskychic.

kimi · 24/06/2007 10:37

TM your children are beautiful,
I think it is the hair colour that people notice, one being dark and one fair, but how rude to ask something like that.
A friend of mine has a son with dark hair and a son with red hair (same dad) the red hair comes from way back as neither parent has red hair, and one child is slim and one a little rounder.
I look like my mums sister and her daughter (my cousin) looks like me but I don't look much like my sister.

I think I would tell people who comment to f* off tbh,

know when DS2 was born the midwife said to DH "oh he looks like his dad" and DH (who is the father of both our children) turns round and says "oh have you met him then?" , he thought it was soooooo funny.

FlossALump · 24/06/2007 10:39

I have been caring for a pt with a tracheostomy recently, which basically means he is unable to speak. He pointed at bump and then lots of gesturing. I answered all the usual q's, ie due date, my second child, little boy already, might be a girl. No none of those fitted. He was coughing and spluttering and really struggling to make himself understood. Eventually after trying different means it turns out if he was asking if the baby had a father!! So I said yes, and also stated that it was the same father who had fathered my DS! Just seemed most odd to be so bothered about whether or not I was making up a nuclear family or not.

Judy1234 · 24/06/2007 10:39

My sisters twins have red hair and black hair and mine have very very blonde and the other fair/brown. Those 4 non identical twins are cousins and all 4 are so hugely different. I think it's fun although they'd prefer to be identical and play tricks on people. It's an issue when one twin is born almost white and the other black though which sometimes happens and because of how people can be to black and white children they end up being treated differently.

mylittlefreya · 24/06/2007 16:13

Emma, that would be hugely annoying. My dd looks just like her dad - and people do say, 'at least you know she's yours!' It is with real insensitivity to how hard these issues can be for some families.

cornsilk · 24/06/2007 16:16

I have been asked this question too. Ds 1 is slightly built, ds 2 is stocky and very tall. Will use Divasky's response next time!

lisad123 · 24/06/2007 16:27

I would be tempted to reply "oh im not quite sure really, they could be half brothers, and cousins at same time
How rude of people to ask, even if they do think it.
Stupid gits have been watching too much jemery kyele. lol

Judy1234 · 24/06/2007 16:29

Well there was no chance for our twins to be muddled at birth - one was born at home and the other in hospital but was with us all day and went home that night with us. A few twins have two different fathers but that's definitely not the case with mine despite their hugely different looks and builds.

RosemaryWoodhouse · 24/06/2007 17:26

I have a twin brother who looks nothing like me and we often used to get mistaken for boyfriend and girlfriend when we were out together, I guess because of the affection between us. It sometimes happened in front of friends who would then make remarks like "You're a really cute couple" and "You're so lucky being able to live with your boyfriend" and "Oh you have the same surname? When was the wedding?". It was just kid stuff, nothing malicious but it does get you down if people keep saying it to you.

Pixiefish · 24/06/2007 17:29

Downright bloody rude of them if you ask me

ScottishMummy · 24/06/2007 17:30

ooooo some people are so rude you have two beautiful boys.... u must fume at rude comments

Original poster
tiredemma · 24/06/2007 20:21

Glad to see im not being unreasonable.

Thanks everyone

Dp said "see how your mnetters are saying how good looking the boys are? thats my genes that is....."

OP posts:
pornstarswife · 24/06/2007 20:28

They do look different I wouldn't take offence if they were mine but can see where you are coming from. Infact if you were a new friend of mine I'd probably ask you but then I'm a bit upfront and I know that's not always best!

JennsterFrogLover · 24/06/2007 21:33

Tiredemma your dp is right. They are good looking boys and you are not being unreasonable, it's very rude of people to say it out loud. I think they look like brothers and have similar faces.

theressomethingaboutmarie · 26/06/2007 12:16

I would be peed off with this too. I don't look like my brothers at all. They are all tall and slim with brown hair and blue eyes. I am shorter, rounder and have red hair and green eyes. My dad, ironically, was a postman, so we used to get all of the jokes about them being the postmans boys and me being the result of a fling with the milkman. Having your paternity questioned is incredibly offensive. If someone tried that "joke" on today, I'd quite happily tell them where to go.

amidaiwish · 26/06/2007 12:41

i have 3 sisters, we all look TOTALLY different

eldest is on the fat side , 5'4" dark brown hair, brown eyes, fair skin but tans well

me on the perfectly trim side, 5'3" mousey hair, blue eyes, fair skin which freckles and doesn't tan

next sis is mid - podgy, 4'10", mousey hair, green eyes, white white skin can't even go in the sun

youngest sis is thin, ulrika blonde, 5'6", blue eyes, tans nicely (cow)

and we DEF all have one dad!!

my 2 DDs are the image of DP. i quite often get asked if i'm the nanny.

don't let it get you down. but YANBU, bloody rude. i like xenia's comment re strong gene pool and the one "one is the postman, one the milkman and one the bailiff"

i have 19m between the 2DDs and EVERYONE asks "ooh, was DD2 planned". very irritating!

amidaiwish · 26/06/2007 12:43

actually, eldest sis has green eyes. FWIW.

GameGirly · 26/06/2007 12:49

I have a small skinny blonde DD and a very tall, chunky, dark-skinned afro-haired DD, thanks to a "rogue" gene way back (well, my great-grandmother was from Jamaica!). DH and I are whiter than white, plain boring, don't even tan easily, but I can assure you both my DDs have the same parents! And you can imagine the comments I get ... people should mind their own sodding business, but it hurts, I know!

meandmyflyingmachine · 26/06/2007 12:53

I look very like my dad. It is often commented on. Oddly he isn't my biological father. He is the biological father of my brother and sister, who look nothing like him. Go figure.

Kewcumber · 26/06/2007 12:57

I think I'd be cross cross at people saying it in front of the DC's than DP. I hate people feeling they're entitled to say what they like to relative strangers.