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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find it offensive when people query the paternity of my sons?????

94 replies

tiredemma · 23/06/2007 15:09

??
Ds1 is image of DP, Ds2 is not, he is much more like me and my side of family.

in the past 3 months a few people have asked if my children have different fathers.

A female Rugby coach looked at both of them a few weeks ago and said "have they got the same dad"?

Today- at ds1's 'street- dance' class at his school- one of his male teachers was there, I had ds2 with me as I went to collect ds1 -
male teacher- "they are not real brothers ae they? do they have seperate dads?"

amongst many others!

NO they do not have different dads

then dp says- "Ds2 doesnt look like me at all does he"- almost like his mind is working overtime......

They are like chalk and cheese- am I alone in thinking that people shouldnt be so vocal about it? ( I mean- asking if they have the same dad while dp is standing there seems a tad insensitive to me)

or is it perfectly reasonable to ask such questions? and I being an arse.

(have pics on profile of kids- do they really look SO different?)

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 23/06/2007 15:35

but I guess it's the sort of thing they wouldn't say in front of dp/dh isn't it

Hulababy · 23/06/2007 15:36

Yes, from the pictures they do look fairly different. But TBH, so do many siblings IME.

Me, my brother and my sister do not look alike. The differences between me and my younger sister are very noticebale TBH.

I think the people questioning ar ebeing a bit daft TBH!

Groovee · 23/06/2007 15:55

I know how you feel. Dd has dh's colourings while ds looks like me and my colourings. I've often been asked if dd is a child I look after which I take great offence to.

I wish people would mind their own.

MrsMar · 23/06/2007 16:01

Apart from the different hair colour, which is I guess what people notice first, I think they look quite similar facially. Both got very similar eyes and and mouths. You might want to suggest a trip to the opticians next time someone questions their paternity

lissie · 23/06/2007 16:01

my friend has vv dark hair, her brother has ginger (v ginger) hair and her sister is dark blonde, they were often asked if they had different dads and their mum used to say that E was the postmans J was the milkmans and A was the bailiffs. used to shut them up.

seriously, cant believe how rude people can be, your ds's dont look THAT dissimillar

RubyRioja · 23/06/2007 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Desiderata · 23/06/2007 16:24

It's very rude. I can't believe people come straight out with stuff like that.

Any how, I can see the similarity between them the best from Pics 1 & 4 - same nose, mouth and chin.

They're both bloody gorgeous, btw.

Original poster

tiredemma · 23/06/2007 16:28

Gosh- thanks Des.

facially they are similar- its the colourings that differ- some people are so bloody stupid that they dont realise- genetically they dont have to have the same hair colour in order to determine that they are true siblings.

fools.

OP posts:

MrsMar · 23/06/2007 16:33

You're right TE, people don't look beyond obvious things like hair colour. I've got a friend who is really blonde. Both her parents and her brother and sister are really dark and everyone used to joke about them not being related, but facially they are sooooo similar it's hard to see how anyone could question her background. BTW, being really nerdy and all... generally women are better at spotting familial (sp?) similarity than men, the bit of our brains that deals with that sort of thing is better developed than in men.

Desiderata · 23/06/2007 16:34

My dh has four children from his first marriage, and they all look completely different!

Fools indeed.

TheArmadillo · 23/06/2007 16:38

Me and my sister looked nothing alike when we were kids.

My mum was often asked if my sister was adopted.

It used to really piss me off when people at school would refuse to believe she was my sister. I couldn't understand why they thought I would make it up.

NOw my sister looks the spit of my mum and also quite similar to me.

I think sometimes people don't think before they open their mouths. But to say something like that in front of your dp is astonishingly thoughtless.

What do they think you are going to say? I mean do they expect you to turn round to your dp and say, 'Darling there's something I've been meaning to tell you...'

newlifenewname · 23/06/2007 16:43

I've seen your pics before from my 'member profiles' thread and I hadn't even registered the difference between your boys. My little sis is a red head and I'm dark brunette, she has pale skin and green eyes and is several inches taller and broader than me who has brown eyes and sort of olive skin.

We do look alike but to most people we probably don't.

I have 3 dc with 2 dads between them.

I do think it is nosey, irrelevant and rude. I have to try hard to not start explaining the different parentage of my 3 because inevitably one gets awkward looks when one actually does have dc with different dads!

So what, it's not like most people who look aghast have only had one sexual partner so I'm not sure what associations they are making that don't apply to them also! And, anyone can split up, re marry and have more kids so what's the big deal nosey people?!

Your boys are gorgeous and do look alike if you look beyond the superficial.

AlistairSim · 23/06/2007 20:32

I often get mistaken for dd's Swedish au pair.

If I had a pound for every time a strange Swedish man has started chatting to me in Swedish, I'd have ....about a fiver.

TheArmadillo · 23/06/2007 20:53

is that the same strange swedish man? DO you think he might have a crush

sorry

tegan · 23/06/2007 20:58

When dd1 was born dh and his sister took her out in the pram and a stranger said that their baby was gorgeous. Yes she was the spit of dh but I was so offended that thay thought she was anything like my cow of a sil

AlistairSim · 23/06/2007 21:25

heh heh heh!

Nope a different one each time.

I do get chatted up by a chap in the chip shop though. He's chatted me up through two pregnancies now.
Bless him.

Actually, now wondering if I'm the object of some weird-ass fetish.

God, I hope so.

Nightynight · 23/06/2007 22:29

it is extremely rude, and I get this too, because my children have very different looks.

Judy1234 · 23/06/2007 22:30

I've collected the twins from a creche before now and the staff haven't even known they were brothers they look so different!

Judy1234 · 23/06/2007 22:32

I looked at yours. They are gorgeous and I think it means you have really good genes well mixed if children look very different. I have blondes. I have brown haired. I have very skinny. I have rugby player in the making. Full spectrum and then you see other families where they all look like peas in a pod.

mummytosteven · 23/06/2007 22:33

YANBU. Extremely rude.

littleshebear · 23/06/2007 23:36

That is weird -people asking, I mean.

I have 1 son with red hair and blue eyes, who looks like me, then a daughter who is the spit of her dad, with brown hair and brown eyes, then another son who looks like the first one and nothing like his older sister - I have sometimes seen people do a bit of a double take - because dd is so obviously her father's daughter, but the other two look so different and alike - but if my sons had a different father it would have been a bit of a complicated scenario! so I can sort of understand people wondering, but to ask is really rude, imho. (I've now had dd2 with red hair and brown eyes and a real mixture!)

Your kids are lovely, btw - and I don't actually think they look that dissimilar!

themoon66 · 24/06/2007 00:03

Your boys are very handsome and they look like brothers.

I have this too... DD is very blonde and pale skinned and DS has got all my father's jewish genes and is olive skinned.

My OWN sister has made comments... which led to me falling out with her.

themoon66 · 24/06/2007 00:04

so no... you are NOT being unreasonable

RosaLuxembourg · 24/06/2007 00:25

Not unreasonable. Thave three DDs. DD1 and DD2 look nothing alike. Nobody believes they are sisters. DD3 looks like DD1. There has been the occasional suggestion that I cheated with the postman but I laugh it off (nervously).
What really makes me laugh however is that I am one of a family of four adopted siblings (none of us related) and when I was growing up people kept telling me how much I looked like my Dad!!!

Aitch · 24/06/2007 00:30

beeeyootiful boys, tiredemma. i think they do look similar, actually, it's just their hair colour... yanbu, it's rude.

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