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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you can send Christmas cards and give to charity?

164 replies

MargoLovebutter · 04/12/2018 10:40

I don't know why this fucks me off so much, but I've just received my second email of the season telling me that a friend won't be sending me a Christmas card because they are giving to charity this year.

WTAF have the two got to do with each other & why do I need to get a boasty email telling me of their charitable giving?

I'm sure I must be missing something other than the fact I think they can't be arsed to send cards. Enlighten me please.

OP posts:
Pinkblanket · 04/12/2018 14:10

Yanbu, it annoys me too.
I will be sending cards, predominantly to the people I don't see - as a means of keeping in touch. Not everyone I know lives nearby or is on social media. This does not mean however that I am intent on destroying the planet, or haven't given a considerable amount of my time and money to charity at various times of the year. Mind you I wouldn't be massively keen on someone telling me where to make a charitable donation instead of sending them a card either, happy not to send them one, but I'll decide where my donation goes.

Abby360 · 04/12/2018 14:16

I don't like it either, like PPs have said Christmas cards cost a couple of quid maximum.
Me and my mum privately said to each other let's leave family cards this year and buy a bed for a homeless shelter but we certainly won't be announcing this on Facebook or email.
Not even sending e-cards though, I am truly one of those lazy bastards and proud Grin

anitagreen · 04/12/2018 14:27

This really annoys me to I love sending Christmas cards but I've never received one other than that of my mum and nan. My friends will put a message on whatsapp or Facebook. I swear the internet has killed off Christmas cards Sad

Loyaultemelie · 04/12/2018 14:28

I would love to do e cards but 80% of the people dh insists we have to send cards to can't even switch on a computer never mind a smart phone. I actually think cards are wasteful and we are trying to be so much more waste conscious so I think telling people you have donated to a particular charity in lieu is lovely, and we just might do this

AgentJohnson · 04/12/2018 14:40

I asked to be set straight

People have but you clearly aren’t interested in any explanation that diffuses your self righteous anger. It’s Christmas for crying out loud, this self entitlement is just vulgar.

I send out Christmas cards, on behalf of DD, to maintain a connection with her extended family. Receiving cards in return, has never been a prerequisite.

Inertia · 04/12/2018 14:54

Christmas cards and charity donations are not mutually exclusive. It's possible to do both.

We always buy charity cards direct from charities which are meaningful to us, making a cash contribution at the same time. The other side of the coin is that our awareness of other charities has been raised when we've received cards from other people. Our children choose a charity to donate money to instead of doing the religious group shoeboxes. We also donate money to food banks throughout the year, and have made a conscious effort to cut back on things we don't need in order to be able to do this. However, people would thing I was being Smuggy McSmugface if I posted a message on facebook every week to say that we'd foregone a bottle of wine and a packet of Hobnobs in order to donate to the food bank, and that we've chosen to give up something for ourselves rather than something we would have given to other people.

I wonder how many people wringing hands about cutting down the trees have an actual cut-down tree in their house over Christmas?

The argument about cards being wasteful could be applied to so many other things which aren't reuseable- newspapers, magazines, disposable nappies and san-pro, plastic bin liners, cardboard packaging. Christmas cards aren't inherently worse than any of these things .

If you don't want to send them , don't. It doesn't make you morally superior to those that choose to. Likewise, sending cards doesn't make you morally superior either.

MorelloKisses · 04/12/2018 14:58

It’s bizarre though that this is where the line is drawn. There are sooo many other things that we could forgo and send the money to charity, but we don’t choose to do it for those things. What about ‘I won’t be drinking over Christmas, I’ll donat my gin/Prosecco money to charity’. Ok some might to that, but not many- but the cars thing is EVERYWHERE.

I really do think cards are an important part of Christmas and trying to outmoded them in this way (while virtue signalling) is sucky

LittleTipple · 04/12/2018 15:32

@MorelloKisses I agree! There are so many commercialised aspects of Christmas that could be forsaken in the name of giving to charity/saving the planet.

I think there is something very special about receiving a hand-written card, because people have taken the time to choose/make the cards, write a message, maybe include an updated family pic etc. I cherish the cards I've kept over the years, from people who are no longer with us. Seeing their hand-writing and the design of card they chose, makes me feel closer to them and brings back wonderful memories. Everything is so digital and remote now. Group emails and texts seem cold and impersonal. Several people I send to are elderly and aren't in the digital world. I give to charity as well, but don't shout about it.

GreenandBlueButterfly · 04/12/2018 16:31

I don't send cards, and when I receive them, I read them and they go straight into the recycling bin. I find they just clutter the house otherwise

Zampa · 04/12/2018 16:42

You would be helping me if you did send me a card - helping me feel warm, remembered, loved and festive

This. I'm feeling a bit sad and unloved at the moment so getting a card from a friend would be a real boost.

Berniethefastestmilkwoman · 04/12/2018 17:01

I hate it too. Most people give to charity at Christmas. Most people do not feel the need to email everyone they know telling them this. Send Christmas cards or don't. Give to charity or don't. But don't send everyone an email telling them you will not be wishing them a merry Christmas because you are too busy giving money to charity.

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 04/12/2018 17:24

So true MorelloKisses! There are so many things we could forgo, why pick cards?

OP posts:
Witchend · 04/12/2018 17:46

Or even worse, they are lazy but want to make you think they are so amazing and generous!

It makes me think of the phrase "washing one's clean linen in public".

If you want to give to charity, fine. I doubt most people who do this can't afford both.

I also see people for whom a card means a lot. People who are lonely, don't know how to reach out to people, people who are on their own at Christmas and a card means that someone has remembered them. A card, which to you is small and irrelevant, can mean huge amounts to others.
I've known a few people for whom that is the case.

And why cards? Why not say "we won't have crackers" or "let's not wrap the presents in anything but newspaper" or all the many other things people think of as Christmas?
Why not?
I think there's an aspect that they can't tell everyone about it, but also cards are a hassle. You have to write, buy the stamps etc. It's easier not to.

So what I hear when people say "I'm giving the money to charities" (and I bet most people don't after the first year anyway, charities I know say that despite the numbers of people saying this, they're seeing no evidence in donations) is "I can't be bothered to do something that's a hassle for me and may bring pleasure to others, and I've found a way to do it that makes me sound as though I'm being really virtuous."

Vitalogy · 04/12/2018 17:57

Well, you won't be wondering why you haven't received a card from them now.

WillowintheUK · 04/12/2018 18:22

Ok it's the season of goodwill and all that, but you know something - you've all made me feel bloody awful. I honestly thought I was doing something nice. Over the years I've donated to animal charities, to homeless charities, food banks, etc. I do actually give to my preferred charities throughout the year, specifically the hospice that looked after my best friend who died leaving four young children.

However, according to posters here I'm lazy, I don't care about my friends, I spout to all and sundry about how I'm going to make donations, then don't do it, and so on. I don't mention it - I don't have to because after all these years people - ancient mother in law excepted - know not to send me a card! I don't need a card to know that people care about me.

I'm not being virtuous - I'm just being me!

Merry Christmas!

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 04/12/2018 18:36

You said you send e-greetings, so how can this thread possibly make you feel bad?

No one has suggested giving to charity is a bad thing - particularly at Christmas!

OP posts:
elfer · 04/12/2018 18:36

I don’t like Christmas cards. If anyone expects one off of me I think that’s a bit rude tbh.
Tabby though being peeved at people saying they’re giving to charity instead. They should just say they don’t want to give Christmas cards.

elfer · 04/12/2018 18:36

Yanbu not tabby?!

WillowintheUK · 04/12/2018 18:39

Oh read your damn thread Margo - I and others like me are being called liars. I AM NOT A LIAR!

Now off you pop and think of something else nasty to say. I'm hiding this horrible thread.

babysharkah · 04/12/2018 18:39

I'll give to charity, not send an email, and not send cards. As I have for years.

I send a couple of cards to elderly relatives that still appreciate them.

Ragwort · 04/12/2018 18:45

I agree that there is no need to 'tell people' that you are not sending cards because you are giving to charity, why not just say 'I am not sending cards this year' and then quietly give to charity.

I do send cards, I also give to charity (and the Food Bank for that matter) all year round but I don't need to tell anyone.

What always amuses me is the people who want to save money by not spending on cards but see nothing wrong in spending hundreds of pounds on their children and assorted tat for various relatives. Hmm.

user1487194234 · 09/12/2018 07:09

YANBU This does slightly annoy me too.Send cards or don't send cards just as it suits you but don't do the charity brag.I like sending cards,don't care (notice ) if I get any back.My charity donations are separate and private

FluffyMcCloud · 09/12/2018 07:14

I don’t do cards. Seeing bins (even recycling ones) full of paper in January makes me weep for our environment. The recycling process uses energy! It’s loads better than land fill, obviously, but still miles worse then just not destroying trees!
I don’t do cards and I donate to an environmental charity.
I don’t email people though. They can just think I’m lazy or mean. Meh. People who know me well know my reasons.

Yidette86 · 09/12/2018 08:13

I can't believe this actually bothers people... yabu, let people spend their money on what they want.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 09/12/2018 08:22

YANBU
"I'm not sending cards but giving to charity" has a strong if unspoken "and therefore better than you" about it.

And I definitely agree with Morello that it would be more in the spirit of things to sacrifice something that you'd normally enjoy, rather than something that's nice for other people.