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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think you can send Christmas cards and give to charity?

164 replies

MargoLovebutter · 04/12/2018 10:40

I don't know why this fucks me off so much, but I've just received my second email of the season telling me that a friend won't be sending me a Christmas card because they are giving to charity this year.

WTAF have the two got to do with each other & why do I need to get a boasty email telling me of their charitable giving?

I'm sure I must be missing something other than the fact I think they can't be arsed to send cards. Enlighten me please.

OP posts:
NoShelfElf · 04/12/2018 12:31

Hallefuckingjula.
Totally with you OP. I don't know how much all of these "I'm giving to charity instead" people would usually spend on Christmas cards, but it's obviously far more than I do if they think anyone is impressed by their generosity. I like to personally let people know I value them, am thinking of them and wish them well. Then I give to charity too without telling everyone how generous and altruistic I am.

QuitewantstogotoBlackpool · 04/12/2018 12:31

Because you are having a go at peole donating to charity without a single thought other than they are boasting
Not very nice -particularly at this time of year .

2rebecca · 04/12/2018 12:31

Agree the 2 have nothing in common. I only send cards to people I don't see day to day, mainly friends and extended family who I have moved away from. I put a brief bit of news in the card and let them know I am still thinking of them. Giving to a charity has nothing in common with this and as I only send about 20 cards the sum raised for charity would be pathetic.
Some people send too many cards if their card giving money translates in to a giant charity donation. They should just send fewer cards.
If someone told me they were donating to charity rather than writing me a chatty card I'd think they just couldn't be arsed to write to me anymore and would feel the friendship had run it's course.
Some people just don't send any cards which is fine. Sending a chatty email or text is fine or not bothering at all if you're not in to Christmas.
Just don't pretend you deserve a halo for giving to charity rather than writing to people who care about you

DontDoitDoris · 04/12/2018 12:33

Its not very charitable of you OP
Not sure why you and all the others have such a problem with it ?Hmm

CalamityJane10 · 04/12/2018 12:34

Totally agree OP.

overandunder9 · 04/12/2018 12:36

Had another thought... if saying that you’ve donated to charity is boasting, is buying charity Christmas Cards also boasting of your charitable giving? Hmm

LampHat · 04/12/2018 12:36

To me it’s almost the equivalent of buying someone a charity gift (like a goat) if they haven’t asked for it. They’re the one that misses out on receiving a card or present, and you’re the one who gets to feel good about giving to charity. It’s all the wrong way round!

WhoTFIsAlanBrazil · 04/12/2018 12:37

It's not laziness - what a mean thing to say - it's caring that there are people here in my own town who are a lot less well off than me. What bloody good are a pile of cards doing me anyway

This

hazell42 · 04/12/2018 12:43

I think it is perfectly reasonable and quite nice at this time of the year, to email your friends and say, 'Merry Christmas. On the off chance that you were considering sending me a card this year, could I please ask you to make a very small donation, to [insert name of favourite charity here] instead. That way we can save the planet together, I can save space on my mantle-piece and you can save getting RSI from writing out all those cards.'

What is NOT acceptable is to email your friends and say, in effect 'My social conscience is greater than yours and I cannot believe that you have doomed the planet by your wasteful sending out of Christmas cards. How dare you. I have tried to counteract your appalling behaviour by making a donation to my favourite charity in your name. I would have asked you about your favourite charity, but I can't be bothered. I hope you feel bad. Oh, and Merry Christmas

KittyMcTitty · 04/12/2018 12:47

ha ha Megan2018 - love this!

I like sending and receiving cards and I got some for some great charities in Waitrose - its nice to let people know you are thinking of them and they do get recycled!

The people that send that were always crap with sending cards anyway - I don't mind as in do what you want but don't act all holier than thou about it!

WillowintheUK · 04/12/2018 13:01

@Margolovesbutter - not sure where I've offended you. Can you clarify please, thanks!

To all those thinking I'm a nasty piece of work - I don't judge people who send cards, and I don't judge those who don't. Each to their own, live and let live, that's fine. Personally, I would like to leave this planet the way I leave a beach - only footsteps. I won't, but I strive to have as little impact on the environment as possible, and to help as many of my fellow men (and animals) that I can, whether that be through my own little donation to my local food bank or through using recycled toilet rolls - yes @Caprisunorange, I am that pious and boring. (And no doubt I'll get some flack about that too!)

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 04/12/2018 13:04

So what are they doing QuitewantstogotoBlackpool? Why are people telling me they are giving to charity in lieu of sending me a card? What is their motivation?

It’s all very well agreeing with those who call me mean and spiteful but I asked to be set straight and calling me names singularly fails to achieve that!

OP posts:
Biancadelriosback · 04/12/2018 13:09

I don't want people to think that they don't matter. If I sent an e-card someone might think they they didn't "make the cut" for the real cards IYSWIM.
I hardly think it's a stealth brag, plus it's another way or making people aware that this is a viable option. Yes my £20 won't go very far, but if everyone did it then it would!
I like Christmas cards, they look nice. But I recognize that they don't do anything good and are a waste. That being said, I always keep my cards until the next year, so I'll always have the last card from someone if anything happened to them. So I've got the last Christmas card my nana sent me before she died. It makes me smile to think of her hand writing that out.

Girlfrommars77 · 04/12/2018 13:11

It’s a really odd argument to see not sending Christmas cards as a way of helping others. You would be helping me if you did send me a card - helping me feel warm, remembered, loved and festive. I think that’s why I find it an odd thing to say.

hazell42 · 04/12/2018 13:15

I think that it just feels like a rebuke. Saying you are letting people know that there is another option, is like saying that they have chosen the wrong one.
Its nice to donate to charity. Its especially nice at Christmas. But its also nice to acknowledge your friends/family with a card.
They do not have to be mutually exclusive. If you choose to donate, just send your friends an email and say Merry Christmas.And maybe, cut the lecture.

littlemeitslyn · 04/12/2018 13:20

Don't think George will be donating now !

LampHat · 04/12/2018 13:21

@hazell42 yes! That makes much more sense. If you want to donate to charity in lieu of cards, you should ask people to donate instead of sending you one.

MondayImInLove · 04/12/2018 13:26

Completely agree!

To the ones that do it, why do you feel the need to say you are giving to charity?!
I don’t mind not receiving a card, I wouldn’t judge that, I will judge the person that has to brag about being generous...

Genderwitched · 04/12/2018 13:29

is buying charity Christmas Cards also boasting of your charitable giving? hmm

No, totally different.

KC225 · 04/12/2018 13:36

In had one of those emails yesterday - citing waste of resources and bad for the environment, as her reason for not sending christmas cards. As if that wasn't bad enough she added a line 'please respect our lifestyle choices and do not send us Christmas cards, an email or text will be more appreciated and better for the environment' I wouldn't mind but her DH is pilot for a private airline. Last time we all met he was regaling us with stories of flying solitary pets and flights for a couple of suitcases. They both drive 4x4's in central London and take numerous European breaks. But I will respect her 'lifestyle choice' and send fuck all.

MizzMimi · 04/12/2018 13:37

Why don't you just say that you think sending cards is a waste of time and money, so you're sending an email?

Because then you risk inadvertently criticising the people you're emailing who do still write and send paper cards.

And the family I know who give to charity in lieu of buying cards mention it in the email in case their recipients think they're just being lazy and cannot be arsed writing and posting paper cards. That way they've given a solid reason for not sending a paper card out.

Can't see the issue myself.

OhioOhioOhio · 04/12/2018 13:37

Yadnbu

whiteroseredrose · 04/12/2018 13:39

We've not sent cards in years - ever since DH and I both thought it was the other's job. Don't send an email either. Do give to charity every month as part of give as you earn but nobody knows that.

I think Christmas cards are a chore and are pointless. Weve been in our house nearly 20 years and a card still arrives addressed to the couple that lived here before the family we bought from. Obviously not been in touch for 25+ years so why send a card?

littlemeitslyn · 04/12/2018 13:49

Not at all, I give to a charity rather than give cards to people I never see

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 04/12/2018 13:55

YANBU. I don't mind if people choose not to send cards. I don't like it when they dress it up as a virtue. They could just as easily save the environment / cost by cutting down on Christmas dinner, or presents, but they cut down on the thing that they regard as a chore

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