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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you can send Christmas cards and give to charity?

164 replies

MargoLovebutter · 04/12/2018 10:40

I don't know why this fucks me off so much, but I've just received my second email of the season telling me that a friend won't be sending me a Christmas card because they are giving to charity this year.

WTAF have the two got to do with each other & why do I need to get a boasty email telling me of their charitable giving?

I'm sure I must be missing something other than the fact I think they can't be arsed to send cards. Enlighten me please.

OP posts:
PiperPublickOccurrences · 04/12/2018 11:40

that they don't send Christmas cards because of the environment. Card and paper can be recycled!

Perhaps - but what about the trees cut down in the first place, the chemicals used to process the paper, the ink, the energy needed to print them. the transportation..... Being environmentally conscious starts with the "reduce, reuse" part of the theory, only moving onto "recycle" when you can't do one of the first two.

So I am reducing by not buying them in the first place. And any we are sent are reused as gift tags the following year so I can reduce my consumption of gift tags too.

Genderwitched · 04/12/2018 11:43

I agree OP, I like getting cards, I don't get many, and I always make a few to send.

This giving to charity instead of sending cards is showing off and I think that most people are unimpressed.

WillowintheUK · 04/12/2018 11:52

I've done this for a number of years. I worked out, by the time I'd paid for cards and stamps and spent hours writing them out, the £50-£60 was better off going to a food bank. I give one to my 94 year old mother in law, but otherwise none are sent from this household. They just get dumped in the new year anyway.

It's not laziness - what a mean thing to say - it's caring that there are people here in my own town who are a lot less well off than me. What bloody good are a pile of cards doing me anyway? Yes, I donate to the food bank trolley in the local Tesco throughout the year. It just so happens at Christmas I give a cash amount for them to use as they see fit.

Girlfrommars77 · 04/12/2018 11:55

Yanbu. I love and appreciate receiving cards. I totally understand that not everyone has the time or wants to send, but in all honesty I would so much rather have a card and message than just read a FB post proudly stating they’ve given £20 to a charity. I give to charity all year round, and extra at Christmas. I don’t tell my friends about it.

Halloweenallyearround · 04/12/2018 11:57

But giving straight to a charity doesn't mean it's actually getting used all on them either.
Buying food for a food bank is probably one of the only ways to know 100%

FuzzyShadowChatter · 04/12/2018 11:58

Some people probably do it to show off, but I think just as many are pre-empting a family member or friend getting arsey with them. if you say that you think it's a waste, some people are insulted/feel judged/will argue with you on that and if you say nothing at all, the same can happen (every year even when I've never sent them and don't even do Christmas, I've still gotten complaints about it).

While people may complain behind their back, fewer people are directly arsey about giving to charity. I don't use it but I can see why it can be a useful shield excuse.

JoinTheDots · 04/12/2018 11:59

I did a text to a handful of friends last night to tell them I will not be sending a card this year, but wanted to wish them a Merry Christmas anyway, because I am going to donate the money I would have spent on stamps the local food bank.

I did it because I wanted to let them know they are still in my thoughts at Christmas, but I find the cost of stamps genuinely is a lot when I send a lot of cards (and I usually do) so I cannot afford to give things to the food bank as well. The friends I chose to stop sending to are people I see very rarely, speak to very rarely, and really I did not think would be all that bothered.

You have made me wonder if they think I am a stuck up boasty and lazy cow now though!

I am still sending to everyone I can hand deliver to, and I am still sending to some of the older people on my list who I would never think to email or text, and who I think would really miss a card from me.

WillowintheUK · 04/12/2018 12:04

Of ffs it's not an excuse, it's a fact. Why should I spend a ton of money on a pile of crappy cards when there are people in want in this world?

What a mean crowd you all are. Just gaze lovingly at all the rubbish festooning your walls in the next few weeks.

I have no need to proclaim to all and sundry what I'm doing, they all know (apart from ancient mother in law) not to send me a card.

MorelloKisses · 04/12/2018 12:06

I love sending and receiving christmas cards and I'm sad its getting less popular. Mostly I love it from friends that i don't see as often as id like, who live a long way away. Its so beautiful to receive a missive from people around this time and genuinely gives me great pleasure.

As a child i used to love the 'muuuuuum, who are John, Janet and Craig?' type conversations.

it certainly is an effort to do, and it does cost £ but to me it is a really beautiful thing.

And completely separate from donating to charity.

If I really needed to cut down cards, i would say the people i see all the time and get to wish Merry Christmas to in person could do without, its the far scattered people who are still on y mind that bring the most joy.

i don't feel the need to place a card on colleagues desks who i see every day!

Ginseng1 · 04/12/2018 12:08

I don't send cards but find the email saying I donated to charity a bit cringe. I might send a pic n WhatsApp happy Christmas msg to my friends I don't see regularly. Having said that I had to buy 2x6 cards this year kids made at school to raise £ for pa. Am trying to make them write them to grandparents n such who might appreciate their efforts! (neither are gifted at art!)

MadameJosephine · 04/12/2018 12:09

I don’t do Christmas cards, I think they’re a massive waste of time, effort and money. If I receive one I simply send a quick message of thanks also saying please don’t be offended if I don’t reciprocate as in my family we don’t ‘do’ cards

What I don’t do is send some virtue signalling crap about giving money to charity. I do donate to charity and genera make some specific donations at this time of year but that’s my business, I don’t feel the need to tell anyone about it!

WinterfellWench · 04/12/2018 12:10

YANBU. It grates on me too. It's so smug and narcissistic, having to let everyone know they are 'giving to charity.' Who cares? Hmm

It's just that they can't be arsed to write and send cards, and also they are trying to look good/edgy/cool by not sending cards...

They think it makes them special. Wink

Don't send THEM one!

Dotty1970 · 04/12/2018 12:11

It's an excuse to not send cards..... I don't send cards because I can't be arsed and that is what I tell people.

one2three4five · 04/12/2018 12:12

Totally agree! I hate Christmas cards, I hate receiving them, and I don't send them. If I get them they go straight in the bin. If you don't want to send Xmas cards then don't, but don't send a boasty email about charity donations, just don't send the cards!

Mind you, I'm a massive Scrooge. We don't buy presents for anyone except DC. I love Christmas, but hate how the world and his wife give each other gifts, why?!

Caprisunorange · 04/12/2018 12:12

“Why should I spend a ton of money on a pile of crappy cards when there are people in want in this world?”

Well your £50 is hardly going to have any impact on that is if?

Hohocabbage · 04/12/2018 12:13

Why couldnt the email just be an e version of a Christmas card? Why does it need to say what you are not doing rather than just doing something else?
I like cards from people i don't see anymore, i hardly get any now though agree they are dying out.

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 04/12/2018 12:13

WillowintheUK, I don't see good wishes and intentions sent to me in the post, by email, text or any other form of communication "rubbish".

I also see taking the time to have my friends in mind and think about them as I write the cards / emails / messages as a good thing to do. It is another way of keeping in touch. I think Christmas cards are pretty too, so I would never see a card thoughtfully sent to me as "rubbish on my walls".

I also like to support charitable causes too and do so throughout the year and I raise money to help remember people who've died from horrible illnesses, in wars and so on - but I don't see that as something that replaces the sending of Christmas cards / emails / messages.

How is any of that mean, or spiteful as someone else suggested?!

OP posts:
bringincrazyback · 04/12/2018 12:13

I do both. Doesn't bother me in the slightest whether other people do cards or not, but I enjoy making my own cards, and I do my bit for charity whenever I can, as I think we all probably do, and a little extra at Christmas.

I think quite often people make these announcements so people won't think they just haven't bothered sending a card (although also, I do think some people choose this option because it's easier than writing and posting cards, lol) but they can come off sounding a bit virtue-signal-y, regardless of whether they mean to or not. I do sometimes feel slightly 'preached to' by people for choosing to make and send cards, as though they think it automatically means I don't give to charity at Christmas too. That baffles me.

OnlyonplanetMN · 04/12/2018 12:13

I'll bet half the people boasting about donating what they would have spent on Christmas cards to charity don't even bother to do it.

WillowintheUK · 04/12/2018 12:18

No it's not , but out of little acorns mighty oak trees grow and all that. Not being a billionaire, I can't save the whole world, but I'm trying my best on what little I have.

You have the mindset of a non-recycler, am
I right? Your children get a pile of plastic on the 25th? Thought so.

Caprisunorange · 04/12/2018 12:21

Wahh wtf? 🤣 what a pious bore you must be.

DontDoitDoris · 04/12/2018 12:21

I might not want to share the difficulties Im having .
Seriously have some compassion for others and stop needing to find fault .
Not in the Christmas spirit really Wink

SuzieBishop · 04/12/2018 12:27

I don't understand why people are so bloody precious about cards - they're an absolute waste of time and money . I give family one's and that's it. I donate to charity, do a foodbank shop and donate toys to a local Christmas collection but I also give throughout the year so it's not just a one time a year thing.
I just think the tradition is an old one and won't be bothered when it dies out. I don't need a card saying "To Suzie, Merry Christmas from blah and blah" to know that they're my friend.

WillowintheUK · 04/12/2018 12:27

Yes @caprisunorange, I am indeed a pious bore. I shall now go and self- flagellate and reflect on all the lessons I have learned from this thread.

Anyway, going back to the original question, as we've somehow lost our way on that one I think - yes you can do both. However, if I do one then charity, food bank, whatever, gets more.

As it happens I do what many people do these days, and send e-greetings.

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 04/12/2018 12:27

Make all the assumptions you like Willow you will find they make something out of you - not me! Nothing could be further from what you've suggested, but as you have made up your mind about who I am, (that suits your narrative) there is little point me telling you otherwise.

Doris err, where is your compassion? You called me spiteful?!?

OP posts: