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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenage sisters- do they socialise together.

81 replies

Realjournal123 · 03/12/2018 22:29

Am I being unreasonable to want my two teenage daughters to want to go out with friends together. It's the eldests 15th birthday coming up and she wants to go to a fancy restaurant instead of the usual movies and dinner etc. It's quite an expensive evening and I just presumed that my younger daughter of 13 would go. The younger one doesn't have many friends at the moment and at weekends finds herself being with her dad and me which I know she finds a bit boring, whilst the other dd is often out with her friends during the day(weekends). I could tell that she didn't want her younger sister to be at the dinner and has asked her if she still wants to go. This has made the younger 13 year old feel awkward and now says she doesn't want to attend. The elder daughter says it's awkward as she doesn't feel like she will fit in. We have just had a heated discussion because I'm maintaining that it's normal to invite your sister ( they are 20 months apart) to your birthday but she's a stubborn monkey and quite obviously doesn't want her there. I've told her that she's selfish and unkind to not want her there. What does everyone else think? AIBU?

OP posts:
Racmactac · 03/12/2018 22:32

Yabu. My ds are 18 months apart but no they are not joined at the hip and I wouldn't expect one to invite the other. They might want to but I would never force it - you are far more likely to drive a wedge between them.

QueenofmyPrinces · 03/12/2018 22:33

Me and my sister were inseparable as teens but we were only 12 months apart.

Your message isn’t clear but is the expensive meal your daughter wants to have with her family or friends?

If family then of course her sister should be there. If she wants to go with her friends then no, I can’t see why she’d want her sister there and I wouldn’t have expected her to want her there either.

Soconfusedbylife · 03/12/2018 22:34

It’s a tricky one. Are you and her Dad going? Would you expect the same if your youngest was a boy?

thecatsthecats · 03/12/2018 22:34

Ye gods no.

15 is firmly into the teens. At 13, sleepovers still dabble in innocence. At 15, that's gone. Nobody will thank you for forcing her presence.

SushiMonster · 03/12/2018 22:35

I think you are pretty U to expect sisters to socialise together just because they are blood.

Some siblings are close. Some aren’t. Some don’t want to hang out at 15 with their baby sister but will become closer later.

It’s not the 15 year olds fault the younger one doesn’t have any friends.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 03/12/2018 22:35

I think you need to give it a couple more years. 13 and 15 are quite different stages.

Thingsthatgo · 03/12/2018 22:36

YABU. I love my sisters, and I was close to them growing up, but I didn’t want them to be part of my social life. They’d have cramped my style.

witherwings · 03/12/2018 22:36

My sister and I did and do socialise as teens but much later on. The social gap at 13 to 15 is too much. When the youngest is 17, they will probably be happy going out together.

MintTeaLady · 03/12/2018 22:37

Yes YABU. At 15, my 13 year old sister would not have been welcome at my birthday party. I realise that sounds harsh to you, but it’s just the way these things work as sisters at that age. Now my sister will fly from another country to be at my birthday dinner!

ExFury · 03/12/2018 22:37

Not to events with friends no. Same age gap as you. Family things yes, but they have their own friends.

And it’s very important imo that one isn’t expected to make friends for the other. I had that with my sister and I firmly believe it’s one of the reasons we have no relationship as adults. I couldn’t do anything without her, then it ended up with things being tweaked for what she wanted, then I had issues with my mates who didn’t want a different aged person out with us.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 03/12/2018 22:37

YABU I'm afraid.

There's a big difference between 13 & 15 and I know of no 15 yr old who wants their younger sibling tagging along.

They grow out of it eventually unless you force it and they become resentful.

Ohyesiam · 03/12/2018 22:38

I can’t think of many teens who would want their little sister tagging along with their friends.

It’s her birthday, let her choose who
to invite. Enforcing it won’t lead to warm sisterly feelings.

rumidumi · 03/12/2018 22:41

Of course YABU. You can't force them to be close. I'm sure as they get older they will socialise more but seriously, there are huge differences between a 15 year old and 13 year old. I'd tell my brothers most things now but the thought of them hearing things I discussed with my mates as a teen... No thanks!

ghostyslovesheets · 03/12/2018 22:41

yes YABU - mine are 16 and 14 (22 months between them - 1 school years difference) - they are totally different people and they move in different friendship groups (one popular and into boys - the other emo and into girls!) they get on fine but have no interest in being joined at the hip!

Justgivemesomepeace · 03/12/2018 22:43

I would not have thanked my mum for making me take my younger sister out with me and my friends when i was 15.
I also dont think my mum would have wanted my 13 yr old sister to be witness to what me and my mates were doing and talking about at 15. Very different stages i think.
We are close now though and have the same group of friends.

titchy · 03/12/2018 22:44

Your older one is not responsible for her sisters friendship issues and it's hugely unfair of you to assume that she would sacrifice her birthday with friends. And it will seem like a sacrifice - imagine you've got your three best friends over for lots of birthday wine, gossip and moaning about your kids, job, husband, and your slightly awkward neighbour turned up - you'd no longer feel comfortable or able to let your hair down.

iLevictoiChete · 03/12/2018 22:45

Yabu at that age. The 20 months difference makes it more difficult to socialise, not less. It's too close. Once they are in their late early 20s they might be better but meanwhile it's just not gonna happen. It would be sooner if the gap was more like 30 months.

crocsaretoocoolforschool · 03/12/2018 22:47

Mine barely sit in the same room as each other, let alone socialise!

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 03/12/2018 22:47

For family events then yes but socially my older girls didn't spend much time together at that age. Now they are in their twenties they are great friends and spend a lot of time together when they are both home.

Yeaididthat · 03/12/2018 22:47

Yabu

Rainbowrebs · 03/12/2018 22:49

YABVVVU. I have a sister 2 years younger than me and we never socialised together.

And I certainly wouldn’t have brought her along to a birthday dinner out with my friends - who would she have talked to? It would have been a pretty miserable experience for her - they were my friends, not hers.

Rainbowrebs · 03/12/2018 22:51

Now that we’re adults, and I have friends from different places and stages of my life (I.e. school, uni, work, dd’s school), I would invite my sister to a birthday dinner.

But back when we were teenagers, and all my friends were in the same year as me at school, and were thus all in a different year to her, no chance.

Rainbowrebs · 03/12/2018 22:52

So in summary, you are wrong - it is not normal for teenage sisters to socialise together and go to each other’s birthday dinners, unless it’s a family meal-our.

Rainbowrebs · 03/12/2018 22:52

*out

MeredithGrey1 · 03/12/2018 22:55

Are you sure your 13 year old wants to go? I’m the eldest (I have two younger sisters) but I can imagine that actually she might feel a bit awkward as they’re not her friends and she’d be a bit of a hanger-on?
You can’t make them be socialise and I think forcing it will more likely drive a wedge between them as your eldest may resent having her little sister tagging along.

To be honest I’m not friends with either of my sisters now we’re all adults, I don’t dislike them at all, but we live nowhere near each other and are three very different people. I see them once a year at Christmas and we send birthday presents but other than that, basically no contact. I don’t think there’s anything my parents could have done differently while we were kids that would have changed this.

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