To be jealous she's pregnant?

[sadalone33]

My gran had 2 daughters.
My mum and my aunt.
My mum had me who is 33 and my aunt a daughter also 33.
My mum passed away when I was 14.
My aunt lives abroad and hasn't visited in 4 years.
I've became my grans carer for the last 8 years.
I don't have a job or boyfriend or kids.
I've told my aunt for years I can't do it anymore,she has to sort something out and still nothing happens.
I've begged her,I'm suffering bad with anxiety now and I know my life is passing me by.
My aunt called today and announced her daughter is having a baby.
I'm jealous beyond belief ..she has a job,a nice house,a boyfriend and now a baby..I have nothing.
I'm trapped in this hell.
I want a baby,I want a family and this is what I get.
My aunt wouldn't allow her daughter this life yet she's happy for this to be my life.
If my mum hadn't of died my life would be so different.
I'm not a nasty woman but I'm so jealous.
I want a child too.

You don’t sound nasty. You sound at the end of your tether.

What you’re feeling are totally normal emotions when someone is experiencing the things you want.

I do think you need to start practical steps to get assistance with your grandmother.

💐 you sound like an amazing selfless person, anyone would feel the way you do. Do you mind me asking how old you are now?

I'm nearly 33.
So maybe my chance of a baby has gone.

You are not nasty! You are amazing for caring for your gran. Your feelings sound reasonable to me. However, use that resentment and anger to make a change. You neee help. I would tell your aunt that you’re only going to be caring for your gran full time for one more month and then it stops. She has to sort out the care going forward

Do you think I've left it too late for a baby?
I've never wanted a huge family,just 1 baby would mean the world to me.
Getting passed all the anxiety,I think I would make a good mum.

You’re only 33!!!

I would contact social services or her GP for advice ; you have to be pushy but this isn't fair on you at all.
I wouldn't even tell your aunt anything ; she clearly doesn't care by the sounds of things ; you've done your bit for your Gran and you need your own life back. I understand why you feel jealous but you need to take steps to help you and to make sure your gran is safe as well. Looking after the elderly is very stressful ; you need to get some help ( it might not be that easy but keep on trying) Good luck. I hope someone can help you on here with some more advice.

So maybe my chance of a baby has gone.

Of course it has not!

I also don't think you sound at all nasty, I think you sound like a wonderful person.

You don't need a man to have a baby these days!! Contact social services they will get carers in x

OP you're still totally young enough to have a baby

I'm sorry you're aunt won't help with her mum, such a huge responsibility for you and I'm not surprised you feel resentment to the new baby announcement.

I don't know what the answer is to your situation but I think you should keep on at your aunt to take some of the pressure off the care of your gran.

I think u can be a carer and get yourself out there, maybe seek some help for ur anxiety.. go on some dates, maybe a part time job to help with ur social skills.. u still have plenty of time

I'm 32 and sitting with DD (15 weeks) asleep on me. I'm planning number 2 in a couple of years so no you're not too old. Go to your local county council website and find their 'contact adult social care' page. Call and explain that you can't continue like this and that your gran needs to go into residential care. Don't feel bad about this as you've done far more than most. Your aunt will probably get shitty but as she isn't helping in anyway she doesn't really get a say. Go and live your life.

You have NOT left it too late to have a baby. My own DD was born when I was 38.

I agree with other pp - I think you are, quite understandably, at the end of your tether. Your aunt needs to sort things out now! Do you live with your grandmother? You need practical help and lots of it. You have done, and are doing, an incredibly selfless thing but your aunt needs to step in.

My aunt wouldn't allow her daughter this life yet she's happy for this to be my life.

^You need to take responsibility for the situation you are in. Your Aunt didn’t hold a gun to your head did she?

Your Aunt doesnt want to care for her mum - its not the nicest or kindest choice but it is her choice to make and its one you are allowing her to make

You need to make your own and out yourself first

Of course your chance for a baby hasn't gone!

But you do need time for a life. I know someone who was stuck being her mums career. Her mum recently passed and she is left with no partner, no children - although she does have a job. Her sister moved away and had chance to have it all.

Life is too short to not chase what you want.

It’s a tough situation which would be much easier if you were half as much as an arsehole as your aunt is.

I’m in a similar situation but a few years ago made the decision to extract myself. It’s so hard (and ongoing with trying to sort out various replacements for me essentially) and the guilt is piled on from every side but in truth that’s nothing compared to the thought I would reach 50 and find myself with nothing having lived my whole life for someone else (who, in my case anyway, is living the consequences of his choices). I was very young when the chain of events that put me in that situation started and was utterly shit on. I have relatives abroad who are forthcoming with opinions but no actual help so they can get fucked imho.

If you walked out tomorrow could you support yourself? You need a plan similar to women who plan to leave their husbands.

Would it be possible for your gran to travel? Maybe get her to your aunts yourself and then walk.

DS was born when I was 34, DD was born when I was 39. It's not too late, OP!

Have you posted about this before? I feel like I recognise your story.

Anyway, depending on your gran's condition, would she be amenable to more help from SS, sheltered accommodation?

I feel so much better knowing other people have had kids later.
I have a godson who is 5 and he is the loveliest little boy,the thought of not having my chance is terrifying.

It's not too late at all, but if you're in a situation where caring for your gran takes up your entire day to the point that you have no chance of living your own life and meeting somebody, then something has to change! Otherwise eventually it will become too late.

I have no experience in this but I'm sure other posters will know how you can try to get help with her care so that it doesn't all fall on you.

My darling mil had her first when she was 33, twins! She went on to have 10 children in total. No way are you too late, OP, but you need to decide if you’re going to continue like this.

Definitely not too late. My first baby is due this week and I'm 36. Please don't give up on your hopes for a family.

I can't offer much in the way of help but I do feel for you.

You definitely need a break. I'd have thought your gran would be entitled to some home care. I know when I cared for my mother in law we had help, very good and nice help too.

You are entitled to have a life of your own, to meet people and maybe a special someone. You're still young girl!

All the best.

You, your aunt and your cousin, her daughter, are all adults.

Your aunt has decided that she is not going to look after her mother which is her own choice to make. Her daughter has made the same choice. You are allowed to make the same choice.

When you do put things in motion to extract yourself and move far away, make sure SS, GP etc are aware your aunt, her daughter, is your grans legal next of kin. If they contact you for any reason except serious illness give them your aunt's details.