To be jealous she's pregnant?

[sadalone33]

My gran had 2 daughters.
My mum and my aunt.
My mum had me who is 33 and my aunt a daughter also 33.
My mum passed away when I was 14.
My aunt lives abroad and hasn't visited in 4 years.
I've became my grans carer for the last 8 years.
I don't have a job or boyfriend or kids.
I've told my aunt for years I can't do it anymore,she has to sort something out and still nothing happens.
I've begged her,I'm suffering bad with anxiety now and I know my life is passing me by.
My aunt called today and announced her daughter is having a baby.
I'm jealous beyond belief ..she has a job,a nice house,a boyfriend and now a baby..I have nothing.
I'm trapped in this hell.
I want a baby,I want a family and this is what I get.
My aunt wouldn't allow her daughter this life yet she's happy for this to be my life.
If my mum hadn't of died my life would be so different.
I'm not a nasty woman but I'm so jealous.
I want a child too.

@Wooooooooaaaaaaaahhhhhhh

I’ve seen this post before, too.

Op, you need to do something if you’re this miserable. What will you do about it? And will you stick to it?

YABVU to put the blame on family members.
Its no more your aunts job to find a nursing home than it is your job and as you are in the country it is easier in practical terms for you to do so.
You don't work but can afford to rent your own home so either the government are paying or you are getting money from your nan for caring.
You are more than entitled to decide you don't want to care for your nan anymore but it is up to social services to sort out alternative provision and not your aunt. So you need to phone them and say that she needs an assessment and that you are no longer able to care for her. As for sorting her house out once she is in a care home there are companies who'll do that and if its her own home you may as well spend the money on using one (as otherwise it'll just go on care costs).

There was a similar thread like this. But the thread I was remember the op worked (I think) and the ops gran lived with her adult ds, who cared as little as possible.

You really need to get this sorted sadalone. Please try to make getting your grandma in a home yourself. Your aunt sounds either selfish or for some reason can’t or won’t have a close relationship with her mother. Even so she shouldn’t want you to suffer. Is it about the inheritance?

Time to get out of the victim role. Your aunt isn’t doing this to you.

Your Gran needs to go into a nursing home, and you need a job and a life. You can have a baby and you will. But you need to give yourself a shake.

Email your aunt tonight and say you are going to put things in motion for a nursing home. She can say what she likes, frankly, if she's not prepared to get involved. Then tell social services your wishes. Be assertive - this is your future you are fighting for. Then start applying for jobs. Coming off your benefits will be very tricky but keep your eye on this time next year.

Set yourself a plan - if you don't meet someone by 38, for example, go for artificial insemination. But in the mean time, you have a life out there - just grab it.

No way have you left it too late! I had my first at 39. It can be more difficult though so I recommend finding Mr Right asap and getting some action. Do make sure he is right though.

It's not too late for you to have a life!

I met DH at 35, enjoyed 5 years of fun together before having 3 children in my 40's.

BUT - You need to start being decisive and assertive. It's time to take control otherwise you will still be in the same position this time next year, in 3 years, 5 years etc!

You need to tell your gran you will help her find alternative carers for her and contact HER daughter and let her know you can't be her carer anymore. Then contact social services and give them the background along with your gran and her daughter's contact details and start to back away and make your own life.

@Foreverexhausted, the OP's gran is 96 and has dementia.

Which makes it all the more pressing for you to get a life, OP. Your Gran needs serious care, and you need a life. You can't expect your relatives to step in because they won't. Even if that's unfair, you need to take responsibility for the situation, and for your own life, and start acting now.

Wow @Foreverexhausted- three kids in your 40s- you did very well. Gives me some hope- I've got one, but having some difficulties at the moment. Have got pregnant okay, but had some difficulties along the way.

You’ve posted several times before about this and you’ve been given loads of good advice. Have you taken any of it?

Mummy, I definitely recall one where the op used to work airline check in but left, went to work somewhere else then full time cared for her gran. But there was more to it, I am struggling to recall what though.

I think the op had basically lost her job due to something else, anxiety or performance issues, it's on thr tip of my tongue and I'm struggling to remember exactly. It's the bit about working airline check in then caring for gran and feeling like she doesn't have a life that's triggering the recall.

Your Grandma owns her house. Tomorrow go and look at nursing homes. Her house will.pay the costs and free you up.

your gran would never want you to be this unhappy either hun.you sound like a wonderful person.one who has reached her breaking point.your trapped in a situation you are happy to do but now not at the expense of giving someone a life and it stealing your own.your grna wont be here forever so you need to have yours to surround yourself with now and then continuing.
you can still care for your gran and be there but have a fly of your own you just need help.
deff not to old for kids.and heaven foribid if you cant have them naturally there are other options to become a mum.
this might not have been your ideal dream path you thought youd have but start it anew from now.and this then is your path and however you make it can be the new dream the new yay for life.
either tell your aunt or don't.might be worth saying im drowning in this either you get something in place for gran or after this month being her soul carer im getting help in and taking control.tell he rwould she have her daughter live this life with no children or friends or family...that will make her think.
get her an assessment and they will then tell you what care they can give.it usually involves an ot coming to see how the home is laid and what ur grans needs are.then they can come from anything to one time to get them or and to bed to any number of times.
my grandad has just had to be heightened in his level of care.he now has someone in four times daily.for getting up breakfast.dinner.tea then to bed.of course we all have a little guilt but we are now just his family too.so we don't cross those wires and we jut love him.still go round AAAALLL THE TIME.listen to him waffle and be his family.we can still help but its the other stuff now he needs more than we can give an that ok.
you need your respite and your lfie to be the best you can be for your gran.

I don't know how you can say it's not my aunts responsibility to sort out my grans nursing home ..
It's her mother !
Bloody hell

You need to tell social services that you aren't prepared to be your gran's carer anymore. You have done a wonderful thing being her carer for so long - it's been a real sacrifice.

But you matter too. It's time for you to start out in your own life. Go out and live it.

@sadalone33 you’ve been given very good advice on here. Its up to you to get on with it now. I’d call social services first thing in the morning.

I agree sadalone it is your aunt’s responsibility to sort out your gran’s care, she’s her daughter. She sounds monstrously selfish.

Your gran has dementia it is quite wrong that you should be coping with that alone.

I agree that you'd think that her own daughter would want to choose her mother's care home.

But if not-what are you going to do?

I think I’d be tempted to move abroad for a few months and allow other people to sort things out for gran in my absence, then if I chose to return it wouldn’t be to the same situation I am in now.

So OP when you posted before and were told to contact adult social services, did you? There is something really unpalatable here that is not quite being said as forcefully as it should be, so here goes - social services are likely to make it very difficult for you and this wont be easy; you need to get advice. This company is licensed by the NHS to give 90 minutes of free legal advice when a loved one has to go into care:

www.beaconchc.co.uk/how-we-can-help/free-information-and-advice-on-nhs-continuing-healthcare/

Alternatively try Carers Uk there is usually a local drop in. But basically no one is going to force your aunt to step up, if she'd wanted to take care of her mum she would have done it years ago. I imagine when your gran dies your aunt will be on the plane very quickly. But for the time being you need to sort this out for yourself now. Get on the phone in the morning.

You’ve had the same advice as before OP. I think you’re still waiting for your Aunt to suddenly decide to do something but she isn’t going to. She doesn’t want to. Unless you do something about your situation nothing will change.

The thing is, OP, although it is your Aunts’s responsibility, she isn’t going to take it on, so you need to act now in your own best interests. Only you can change things. You need to take action and start to live your own life.

33 is not too late but you need to take this into your own hands and stop expecting your Aunt to step up to the plate when she obviously isn't going to!

For heaven's sake.
You are a 33 year old woman.
Stop wasting your life waiting for help that is never coming.

Your aunt isn’t going to step up. You have to make the arrangements or contact social services and tell them you are unable and they need to take over. I think you would be happier doing it yourself. Pick a nursing home and move her there. Get a job. You
Can visit your grandmother several times a week if you want, but also have a life.

Your aunt might have a moral responsibility, but she has no legal responsibility here. She is fine leaving it to the state, you are the one who is not.