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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD pretending to be mum...

133 replies

Laci · 02/12/2018 10:37

Not sure how to deal with this, or whether I need to deal with this at all...

I have a 6 week old baby. 7 year old DSD.

DSD is lovely and very, very clingy to her baby brother. She wants to hold him all the time (very helpful when I want to make a cuppa!) and I'm happy to leave him with her on the sofa for 2 minutes whilst I make a brew (the lounge is attached to the kitchen so she can shout to me if she has a problem).

The thing that is a bit odd to me is that when I'm out of the room, I can hear her saying 'I'm your mummy' and 'mummy is here' etc as if she is mum.

I didn't say anything to her. Should I just let her get on with this little mum fantasy? Or is it a bit odd and should I tell her to stop?

I'm a bit hormonal and know how ridiculous it is to be upset by a 7 year old pretending to be mummy but it just made me feel a bit... weird!

WWYD?

OP posts:
continuallychargingmyphone · 02/12/2018 12:46

Don’t be ridiculous lying. You have posted far more ‘chippy’ posts than a Hmm face yourself.

continuallychargingmyphone · 02/12/2018 12:46

And the thread clearly is about me as nearly every subsequent post is about the terrible behaviour of nasty posters!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/12/2018 12:48

My last post to you, continually, you're so attention-seeking. I'm the first to admit that I can be very chippy indeed. But not on a thread like this, because I have a brain.

I'm ignoring you now because you're derailing the thread.

Sunisshining5346 · 02/12/2018 12:48

@GreatDuckCookery no she shouldn't have to post about her life history on here. People should just have enough common sense to realise that everybody in life has problems / issues. And there is an actual real life person sat behind that message.

I dread to think of the children raised by some of these people, if this is the example parents are setting!

KurriKurri · 02/12/2018 12:49

I think any new Mum feels protective over their new born and you wondering about DSD's behaviour is totally normal. As you say some people on this forum are very quick and ready to stick the knife in - they hang round AIBU like vultures - just ignore.

Your DSD sounds like a sweet little girl, she is only playing, just give her some important sister jobs (looking after baby while you get a cuppa is one of them - and you can say stuff like ' here you go baby have a lovely cuddle with your big sister while I get a cuppa' etc. if you want to just reinforce that she has an important role too)

But playing Mummies is totally normal for 7yr olds, - it is wonderful that she loves him so much, and she is going to be a great asset to you when he is a toddler because she sounds like one of those fabulous children who will happily play with toddlers so you can do stuff - my ds was like that with his baby sister (similar age gap to your baby and DSD) and they had a brilliant bond.

Flowers
continuallychargingmyphone · 02/12/2018 12:51

You are being utterly ridiculous lying.

There are no nasty posts here whatsoever. That’s why I have asked as I genuinely thought I’d missed one. I haven’t. I will also leave it there but I am justifiably pissed off at the daft posts here. There is nastiness all over MN and the post that gets flames? Hmm

Tiredofit · 02/12/2018 12:54

DO speak to your health visitor OP. With your history you will be at a higher risk of PND. Do you have any family or friends who could have dsd for a morning or afternoon to let you snatch a bit of sleep if baby’s sleeping or someone who would sit with them both to let you have a sleep. I’m so sorry for the loss of your little girl.

WinterfellWench · 02/12/2018 12:56

@Laci

is the Hmm really necessary? I'm just asking for a bit of advice. I'm 6 weeks pp and hormonal, sleep deprived and stressed. Sarcastic face not necessary...

Welcome to AIBU ... Some people can be sarcastic and rude, and some can be brutal and nasty, and it's never, ever called for.

Hope you get some well earned sleep, and rest soon.

You DSD is doing nothing wrong, she is just playing. I used to stick my mum's tights on my head, (with the legs hanging down) and pretend I was little little girl out 'little house on the prairie.'

Also used to shave my face with my dad's razor (to copy him,) and even tried pissing standing up once. (Don't do that it makes a mess.) And my cousin used to grunt and groan up the corner, with her legs open, and pull a doll out, and pretend she had just has a baby. (She was 11, and I was only 8 and it scarred me for life tbh.)

Anyway, chill. Kids do weird shit, and do try to emulate adults sometimes....... It's OK (what she's doing.) Do keep your eyes open though, in case she does something (unintentionally) dangerous.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/12/2018 12:58

Also, can you speak to your health visitor about your mastitis, Laci? I found mine quite helpful. Do you have a chance to get your head down for a bit during the day when the baby sleeps? Cat naps are better than nothing and you must be very tired if you're surviving on 3 hours sleep a night.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/12/2018 13:01

Sunisshining5346 people should have some sense to realise that others have problems in their lives I agree, but where's AIBU is concerned some posters don't seem to have any common sense or thought. You can't change that. It's how some people are.

So with that in mind for those feeling vulnerable and sensitive AIBU is the last place they should be posting.

Strongmummy · 02/12/2018 13:01

She’s playing fgs ! Give the kid a break and thank her for helping.

Lunde · 02/12/2018 13:04

Congratulations on your lovely baby - I really understand that with your background everything is very stressful and raw and adding the hormones and lack of sleep it is making everything worse. Do you have anyone who could come over to help out so that you could get some more sleep.

I don't think that you need to worry about DSD she is not trying to take your role but role-playing by copying what you do by pretending to be "Mummy". She is learning about family relationships by watching you. So you are doing a really good job by being the role-model of a "good Mummy" that you never had yourself. While she is so excited you could harness this and get her to help out by fetching things - nappies, clothes, wipes etc.

dontticklethetoad · 02/12/2018 13:05

strongmummy I'm assuming you haven't rtft?

Strongmummy · 02/12/2018 13:05

Also OP, if you have anxiety, youre hormonal etc....the internet is really not a good place to be. I’d suggest not using AIBU to “help” as you are in a very vulnerable position here

Strongmummy · 02/12/2018 13:06

@dont no, but I have now and stand by my second response. Get off line. It does nothing positive for mental health and I speak from experience

Yura · 02/12/2018 13:10

She loves the new baby and does pretend mum play - and she isn’t jealous. lioks as if you dud an amazing job as stepmum!

brizzledrizzle · 02/12/2018 13:11

She's playing at being Mummy. My eldest two did the same when my youngest was born.

Yura · 02/12/2018 13:12

(one of the ollder girls at my childminder and my oldest son love to play mummy, daddy baby with my youngest ag the childminder - as youngest gets oldervthe roles are getting swapped around - its lovely and funny)

Sunisshining5346 · 02/12/2018 13:15

GreatDuckCookery well we will have to disagree on that one. I think that anybody should be allowed to post wherever they like and not receive a tirade of vile abuse.
Some threads I have seen have been beyond appalling.
We might not be able to change them, but we can call them out and tell them to stop!

I'm a very strong minded woman, and even I have felt vulnerable when people have made sly, mean comments to me. Even though I know they don't know me and will never meet me, it's still extremely intimidating!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/12/2018 13:18

I'm not disagreeing with you, of course everyone should be able to post where they like but that will not stop some posters being an arsehole and upsetting an already vulnerable new mum.

TheMagician · 02/12/2018 13:21

Never post in AIBU Brew

I've been on mumsnet since you were doing your a levels probably! and I wouldn't have the nerve.

Whether it's a six week old baby or a teenager, if you're running something around in your head and you just want to put it out there to read other views, don't do that on AIBU!

What annoys me on AIBU is that the whole premise is that you're ASKING for opinions but then the replies are given on the basis of you having decided that your question is right. iyswim.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 02/12/2018 13:23

I do think people in general on mumsnet could do with being a little less aggressive in replying to posters. We all sometimes get annoyed about things we shouldn't. That's partly why people start threads because they have the awareness to realise they may be over reacting. We a give them genuine advice without being nasty to them.

JellyBears · 02/12/2018 13:28

She’s 7 I mean she’s at that age where they love babies etc. Lol 😆 I thought you were gonna say an adult step daughter. Sorry if people are being harsh but you need to chill out or youll make yourself ill.

onlyonmumnet · 02/12/2018 13:28

Totally normal and very cute. Don't worry op people forget how weird your emotions are in the early days. Thanks for you. It sounds like you have a lovely trusting relationship with her. It's very sweet. You will feel a lot better soon. Mastitis is horrific. As is sleep deprivation. You have my sympathies! In about six months time you'll be delighted to hear dsd wants to plat 'mummy' and you can sit and get a cuppa and a read of a magazine Xx

KingLooieCatz · 02/12/2018 13:31

Sounds like you are a better role model for DSD and the baby than anyone was for you at that age, not to mention a better carer in general. Well done, be proud of what you have achieved and if there are people around you that can help you out, let them. I didn't, I should have, if someone offers to take baby out for an hour, let them get on with it.

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