DSD pretending to be mum...

[Laci]

Not sure how to deal with this, or whether I need to deal with this at all...

I have a 6 week old baby. 7 year old DSD.

DSD is lovely and very, very clingy to her baby brother. She wants to hold him all the time (very helpful when I want to make a cuppa!) and I'm happy to leave him with her on the sofa for 2 minutes whilst I make a brew (the lounge is attached to the kitchen so she can shout to me if she has a problem).

The thing that is a bit odd to me is that when I'm out of the room, I can hear her saying 'I'm your mummy' and 'mummy is here' etc as if she is mum.

I didn't say anything to her. Should I just let her get on with this little mum fantasy? Or is it a bit odd and should I tell her to stop?

I'm a bit hormonal and know how ridiculous it is to be upset by a 7 year old pretending to be mummy but it just made me feel a bit... weird!

WWYD?

It's quite sweet really OP and show's how much she loves her new baby sibling.

I expect the novelty will wear off in time.

Even if she did mimick breastfeeding, a lot of kids do that too. Whenever my friend's baby cries, her toddler DS lifts his jumper/pyjamas top and just kind of 'leans over'

@Orlande I just don't see that as an excuse to be nasty. A fragile PP woman is exactly that whether she posts in AIBU or in parenting.

I take your point completely, but think it's sad that AIBU has morphed in to a free for all for people to attack other users.

Orlande, that is sort of true but only if you subscribe to the notion that AIBU is full of thick-wits who can't read an OP and think for themselves of what that must be like, think back to those days and hope that OP gets some much needed sleep and help.

I know there are many thick-wits on here but worse than that, there are women (bloody women, ffs!) who see the vulnerability in posts and pry it out for responses designed to hurt.

AIBU isn't special and it shouldn't be a board for 'kickings'. I refuse to see it that way as there are posters who don't post as a race to the bottom.

====

Laci, congratulations on your new baby. I think ZoeWashburne's advice to play up to the 'big sister' role for your DSD is very good advice. I hope you'll be able to get your head down at some point today, you need that, we all do. I remember. It gets better. :)

Overall you've had supportive responses OP so try and concentrate on them.

Never post in AIBU if you're feeling fragile. You could ask MNHQ to move your thread to stepparenting or parenting maybe? Or start a new thread there.

Take a breath and make a cup of tea

DS says he has 2 mums me and his sister (still now at 9 and 6)

But you do need to implement some boundaries to ensure safety - explain to her things such as feeding etc to make sure it is done properly

Ah, bless her-she is playing.

Laci
You’re not crazy. Sleep deprived and don’t have a childhood model to refer to. The comments are unnecessary. You didn’t say anything negative about your dsd.

Where are these sarcastic nasty comments?

Do you mean me? It really wasn’t the campaign of bullying it’s being made out to be you know!

It’s your hormones lovely Give yourself time to adjust to everything. The first few months with my PFB were the hardest time of my life. But it all got better. You can do this and there are plenty of us here who actually care and would love to try to help.

This is quite sweet of her, OP, though I get why you’re a bit mixed up over it.

6 weeks PP with DC1 is still knackered basketcase phase from what I recall (inb4 the “well I was working 13 hour shifts in the field with my baby strapped to my back by then, before serving PIL and DH a 3 course meal when I came home, of course”).

She's playing, but a baby isn't a toy, so I can see why a new mother would be concerned.

As long as she's only talking & not trying to force feed or stick the baby in a hot/cold bath.

She's just mimicking your behaviour. She's 7, she is literally playing/acting out a real life scenario. That she is so kind to the baby shows that what she sees is you being kind to the baby.
I know these first few weeks are hard, and you're tetchy etc., but nobody has been mean to you.
Please don't see it like that.
Try to get sleep if you can. And praise her for being the best big sister.

Congratulations on your new baby! At 6 weeks pp it's very normal to feel incredibly possessive over your baby, it's nature's way of ensuring a strong mum-baby bond for survival purposes. I was a weepy mess at that stage, almost anything remotely emotional made me howl! It's totally normal to feel fragile, don't beat yourself up.

Hi OP-I agree that AIBU can be a bit vicious at times. Your DSD sounds lovely and this kind of role-play is very normal and positive. Sadly, if you had an abusive and deprived childhood you might not appreciate that. But please believe the majority of posters affirming that everything with your current set up sound s Great and that you are blessed with a sweet DSD.

Personally, I wouldn’t leave a 7 year old holding a baby on a sofa by themselves for any length of time, unless an adult was sitting beside them. 7 year olds are unpredictable, it would only take a second for her to stand up and accidentally drop the baby or unintentionally hurt the baby in some way.

When you’re going to the toilet or make tea, etc. put the baby in her Moses basket/pram/cot.

It is usual for children of that age to act out adult roles. I would be surprised if she didn't act out being mummy to your baby.

You will learn a lot about your approach to parenting from what she picks up - so have fun!

At the age of 7, my Dd had a new brother, and was very into acting out being a surgeon and doing operations. Baby wasn't in any danger, but I did watch out, especially when she had friends around to 'assist'.

It will take a while for hormones to settle down, and it is hard work caring for a new baby. Everything about this is new to you, so you will be uncertain about things. But be reassured- you don't have to worry about your DSD's behaviour in this respect.

All normal - which I’m sure you know by now judging by this thread. I remember doing it myself with my little sister who is 8 years younger than me and still my best friend.
Magnified of course by new baby hormones which are a killer aren’t they? It does relent I promise - my littlest one is 5 months old and I was a wreck this time for the first couple of months.
Massive hugs to you - you don’t deserve the roasting you got initially here it does seem to be unnecessarily harsh sometimes. Congrats on the baby too! Get some rest if you can it will help with the hormones

I'd get your baby's big sister involved in lots of things too - preparing his bath, getting the water just right. My eldest was very interested in doing this, checking the water temperature and admonishing me if she thought it was too hot or too cold. Also, less helpfully, filling the bath with toys for him to play with...

The first days, weeks and months can be so, SO hard. I was never without a sleeve/bra full of tissues as everything made me cry but, it doesn't go on forever even if it feels like it sometimes.

Lovely days ahead for you and your DSD - and baby, of course.

Dilly Depends very much on the 7 year old. Some are very sensible and will do what they are told with a new born baby.

@Laci..ignore all the horrible messages. It shouldn't matter where you post a message. There is no need for people to give you crap. I'm with you, I am completely shocked at the way people speak to others on here! It's disgusting! There is no way they speak to people in real life, like that..or maybe they do 🤔

To answer your question..Every mum goes through exactly the same. Your maternal instinct has just kicked in full force. I use to get weird about people holding my babies, I heard my sister say "Oh baby!" to my son once. I flipped! Shouting "he's not your baby, he's mine! Don't call him that!"
Completely irrational 😂
It will soon calm down over the next few months, I promise!

It just means your a very good mummy, and have an extremely strong bond with your baby xx

@laci

Some people are just nippy sweeties

Don’t let them get you down!!
Just enjoy your lovely family and have a wonderful Christmas

She's just playing.

You're doing grand op. It will be ok

Does anyone else find it quite sad the number of women that are quick to make sarcastic or nasty comments to vulnerable women looking for advice?

Yes! I do. And I'm sure they wouldn't say those comments in RL. Safety behind a screen...and very cowardly. I genuinely think some posters just look for where they can be nasty, sneering and/or derogatory.

And I don't mean necessarily on this thread - although some of the replies ARE somewhat sneery. But on some threads I am at the sheer cruelty of posters who gang up and launch into the OP like playground bullies.

It's not just on here either. Im just overly sensitive at the moment as the comments on here were fairly mild. Some of the AIBUs I've read have been vile. I don't think the answer is to avoid the forum, but maybe we should be shutting people down who are nasty to vulnerable women looking for help.

Thanks to those who have posted. I'm less worried now! I've already cried twice today as my hormones are so up and down. I understand I'm probably being stupid but it's hard to tell sometimes when you're feeling so... ugh.