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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just want DH to take LO away!!

90 replies

MrsMiggel · 02/12/2018 09:32

Currently sleeping in the spare room with LO who has lately become a cot refuser (breastfeeds to sleep in bed but wakes up screaming if I attempt to transfer to the cot). I’m exhausted and aching. Agreed with DH that he’d get up with LO because he’s slept peacefully all night.

I rang DH to tell him LO had woken up. It took him 20 minutes to come next door into my room. Then he got under the duvet and hung around for another 20 minutes while LO got increasingly wiggly and agitated. In the end I pointed out that I’m not getting a rest unless he pisses off with LO. Now he’s angry because I don’t want them around, I’m nasty and selfish, etc. I don’t see why he can’t just collect LO and leave?!

OP posts:
peachypetite · 02/12/2018 09:32

Talk to him when you have calmed down.

Sirzy · 02/12/2018 09:34

Can you not just get up and go back to your bed while he is in the spare room with baby?

Yanbu to want to be able to rest!

Wolfiefan · 02/12/2018 09:35

You rang him?
Take LO into DH. Dump and say you’re off back to bed. Please don’t disturb!
Sleep deprivation is horrid.

seventhgonickname · 02/12/2018 09:36

If he doesn't understand haw little sleep you are getting then move back into your room and he can see first hand!

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 02/12/2018 09:38

I must admit, my first thought was: you rang him?

Why not just go into his room, deposit the baby with him, go back to bed, go back to sleep? Would have saved all this angst!

Wolfiefan · 02/12/2018 09:39

How old is LO?

TheFatberg · 02/12/2018 09:41

A phone call might be more likely to wake him up. People fixate on weird things on here.

You're definitely not being selfish. My partner used to do this where if I was in the bath, he'd come in with the baby saying he thought they'd come and see me. I love them both but let me have 30 minutes to myself!

Wolfiefan · 02/12/2018 09:43

A phone call wouldn’t be as sure to get his backside out of bed as a baby dumped on him! Grin

SandyY2K · 02/12/2018 09:43

She rang him.so as not to wake the baby.

Original poster
MrsMiggel · 02/12/2018 09:44

I didn’t want to get up in the cold. Once I’m up the dog will see me and want to go out. And I know DH won’t get up and change him and feed him etc, he’ll just lie in bed with him for ages, hungry and wearing a wet nappy. I wanted DH to take him and actually get up.

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 02/12/2018 09:44

Calm down and speak to him when you’ve both had a chance to chill.

YANBU to want some peace and rest. How old is your LO?

He needs to understand that you do want them around but once you’ve had the chance that he has had to sleep undisturbed!

Wolfiefan · 02/12/2018 09:44

@SandyY2K
Read the OP. She rang him because the baby HAD woken up.

Wolfiefan · 02/12/2018 09:45

Dump baby on DH. He will have to get up and feed him. And then walk the dog.

Original poster
MrsMiggel · 02/12/2018 09:50

He won’t get up and feed him. He’ll lie in bed for an hour playing on his phone while LO is hungry and needs changing. Probably until I get up and yell at him, and take LO away because I want him fed and changed. I can’t go back to sleep until I know DH is up and doing what needs to be done.

OP posts:
Grace212 · 02/12/2018 09:56

"He’ll lie in bed for an hour playing on his phone while LO is hungry and needs changing."

Shock
GaryBaldbiscuit · 02/12/2018 09:58

look after your LO
your DH obviously wont

GaryBaldbiscuit · 02/12/2018 09:59

if she breastfeeds you are more or less tied to her.

diddl · 02/12/2018 10:00

Why won't your husband get LO ready & take them & the dog out?

Original poster
MrsMiggel · 02/12/2018 10:01

To be honest, lately I’m nervous about DH taking LO anyway. He doesn’t take care of him. The other night DH had him while I had a bath, but I had to get out of the bath because of constant screaming. DH had forced LO in the high chair when he didn’t want to go in, and had left him there crying so he could “get on with stuff”. I rescued LO (who was truly sobbing) and DH continued to insist that “he has to learn” to behave so we can get stuff done. He’s 8mo, he isn’t capable of “learning” to behave!

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 02/12/2018 10:02

He won’t get up and feed him. He’ll lie in bed for an hour playing on his phone while LO is hungry and needs changing.

That's a bigger issue. How old is your baby?

Bambamber · 02/12/2018 10:03

Why are you with such an incompetent asshole?

Kahlua4me · 02/12/2018 10:04

You need to have a conversation with him when you are both calm. Get a plan sorted that will work for both of you and keep all happy.

For example, our DS didn’t not sleep well at all when he was a baby so I was up several times during the night. Dh did get up sometimes but I would have to wake him which was pointless as we were then both awake! Our plan at weekends was that I would get up with DS in the morning, sort him out with nappy, breakfast etc and then dh would get up about 9am and take over. By then I was ready for a nap so went straight to sleep, worked really well for us and kept my sanity.

You need to sit down together to work out what is best for you both.

itsnosoap · 02/12/2018 10:06

YANBU at all but why is your DH not seeing to your LO's basic needs? I know you're exhausted and need a rest but it doesn't sound like he can be trusted with his own child.

Is there anyone you can call to come and look after the baby for a couple of hours so you can sleep? Then you can tackle the problem of why your 'D'H is a useless father and husband.

HellenaHandbasket · 02/12/2018 10:07

I really feel for you. You need sleep, but your husband is seriously doing your child a disservice by behaving as he does. How can he stand to listen to sobbing like that?

Fevertree · 02/12/2018 10:07

That's so awful of your husband. I'd have been really upset. Sorry you didn't get your lay in this morning! I'm in a similar situation with my newborn and my husband