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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I just want DH to take LO away!!

90 replies

MrsMiggel · 02/12/2018 09:32

Currently sleeping in the spare room with LO who has lately become a cot refuser (breastfeeds to sleep in bed but wakes up screaming if I attempt to transfer to the cot). I’m exhausted and aching. Agreed with DH that he’d get up with LO because he’s slept peacefully all night.

I rang DH to tell him LO had woken up. It took him 20 minutes to come next door into my room. Then he got under the duvet and hung around for another 20 minutes while LO got increasingly wiggly and agitated. In the end I pointed out that I’m not getting a rest unless he pisses off with LO. Now he’s angry because I don’t want them around, I’m nasty and selfish, etc. I don’t see why he can’t just collect LO and leave?!

OP posts:

ichifanny · 02/12/2018 10:07

Go back to your bed with your husband and just take your child in to bed with you , all this spare room stuff is knackering . It was the only way we ever got any sleep and you all get to settle without musical beds .

ButchyRestingFace · 02/12/2018 10:13

You need to have a conversation with him when you are both calm. Get a plan sorted that will work for both of you and keep all happy.

She's not going to be able to agree to a plan. He'd rather play on his phone whilst his child cries and lies in his own dirt. How do you negotiate with that?

Grace212 · 02/12/2018 10:14

"He'd rather play on his phone whilst his child cries and lies in his own dirt. How do you negotiate with that?"

this. He is an unfit parent.

Biancadelriosback · 02/12/2018 10:20

I'll admit I've done the highchair thing before when I was at the end of my rope and just wanted to make the living room feel livable!! But YANBU. Speak with him.

BewareOfDragons · 02/12/2018 10:23

Your husband sounds like a dick, frankly, and completely clueless about babies. Worse, it sounds like he doesn't even want to know ... wants you to deal with all the drudgery.

I'd show him this thread.

Quartz2208 · 02/12/2018 10:24

I recognised your name from a recent thread - your husband is an arse who does absolutely nothing and expects you to do everuthing

That is your issue

No YANBU but I dont think he will see it that way

justmetwice · 02/12/2018 10:24

Not sure I have much to say but I totally understand. I have a 9m old and my husband used to 'take over' by still bring in bed next to me. It has gotten better recently by crying in exhaustion... And he said he didn't understand why I couldn't sleep (he can sleep through the baby's cries). I eventually got to saying that I spend all night listening out for the baby to wake (he wakes every 1-3hrs) and he sleeps through it. Just cos it's the morning doesn't mean I can switch off my hearing. So now he takes him downstairs and normally he gets him changed.

MasterSensei · 02/12/2018 10:27

Co sleep! I have a 7 month old like this and the only thing that saved us was Co sleeping. Done correctly its absolutely fine.
My DH then knows when I've been up all night and he takes her in the morning so I can get a couple extra hours.

LizzieBennettDarcy · 02/12/2018 10:28

You have a lazy arsed DH who puts himself before you and your baby. That's your issue. Do you have family to help? Perhaps go and stay somewhere different for a few days to break the cycle? And you need to sort your LO out to stay in the cot. Mine never slept anywhere other than in their moses baskets or cots - we had more than a few battles but I never once gave in and by 6 months they were reliably sleeping through the night. It's easy to give in when you're so tired, but you're just carrying on the cycle that way. It's not easy but if your DH won't support you, find someone who can.

TheSandgroper · 02/12/2018 10:30

I feel your pain about the night waking. Eventually, at about your ds’s age I decided dd could go a few hours without the boob and it wouldn’t kill her so, after a feed at a reasonable hour, dh had to do any waking up until midnight. I wouldn’t sleep but at least the boobs got to fill up. Then he got to sleep solidly for a few hours.

We also had a few episodes of “has to learn” which distressed me deeply but thankfully there weren’t many.

category12 · 02/12/2018 10:32

Ditch the lazy arse partner and at least you won't have his mess to contend with as well.

ThatOneHurt · 02/12/2018 10:32

Let's all concentrate on the the OP using a phone to call her husband and not focus on the fact that her husband is a feckless, lazy, useless bastard.

Typical MN responses.

ButchyRestingFace · 02/12/2018 10:36

Let's all concentrate on the the OP using a phone to call her husband and not focus on the fact that her husband is a feckless, lazy, useless bastard.

The majority of posts have not been about OP using the phone.

XXcstatic · 02/12/2018 10:37

How old is your baby?

About 34, by the sound of it.

howabout · 02/12/2018 10:39

I have 3 DC exclusively BF for 6 months and then mixed till over 12. Mistake I made with DC1 was to let her turn night into day at about this age because what with teething, introducing food, increasing awareness etc she preferred to eat all night and not be in her cot and then refuse BF all day.

Took 3 painful nights of not feeding her between 10 and 7 and putting her back in her cot to sort. Did not make the same mistake with the other 2.

You sound tired and frustrated but I think your DP has a point if you can't get an 8 month old in their cot having previously done so and you can't put him in a high chair in the kitchen for the length of time it takes to clear up. You should also be able to get up yourself round about your 8 month old rather than needing someone to take him off your hands.

Nanny0gg · 02/12/2018 10:43

You should also be able to get up yourself round about your 8 month old rather than needing someone to take him off your hands.

When you're on your knees from lack of sleep?

Her 'D'H should damn well be helping raise his own son and not leaving it to the OP.

category12 · 02/12/2018 10:46

He's not "someone" - he's the child's father who should be taking some of the strain of childcare and attending to their basic needs.

NoThankyouHun · 02/12/2018 10:47

You can definitely sleep train an 8 month old. You need to get back into a routine of bath milk bed. I assume he's weaned and eating as well?so he/she doesn't need to be fed to sleep. Time to get a routine going OP they all go through bad sleep phases but you have to get the routine back to save your sanity.

pantyclaws · 02/12/2018 10:47

About 34, by the sound of it.

hahaha, brilliant

Yes, your husband needs to step the fuck up.

NoThankyouHun · 02/12/2018 10:49

You also don't need to change an 8 months old nappy overnight if it's just wet. 7pm til 7am is normal in 1 nappy if just wet. I think you could make your life easier OP and get rid of your husband.

howabout · 02/12/2018 10:49

It sounds like the DF is not being given much opportunity to raise his son because Op isn't currently coping due to tiredness and is overruling his every intervention as a result. Parenting as a DF does not mean enabling the DM's misguided coping strategies but working as a team to make things better.

It isn't normal for a couple to sleep separately with an 8 mo and play tag parenting. It also isn't normal not to be able to leave a baby that age in a cot / floor mat / high chair while you get on with things.

HellenaHandbasket · 02/12/2018 10:51

Leaving a sobbing 8 month old in a high chair is cruel.

SchnizzleNo2 · 02/12/2018 10:55

Sounds like you're in a tough situation there OP, having a baby that will only sleep on you is exhausting without having a DH that causes more problems than support. Look after yourself and seek some support elsewhere. Maybe speak with your health visitor? When I had PND I found an amazing support group that had a free creche, it was just somewhere to go and have a rest whilst LO was being looked after - I wonder if you have anything similar in your area? I'm not saying you have PND but I'm sure you could do with a break.

If can you afford it, I would really recommend paying for advice from a sleep consultant. I tried everything to slow down bf and stop my LO sleeping on me and nothing worked. The sleep consultant helped so much, a really gentle approach that really worked and saved my life.

Mxyzptlk · 02/12/2018 10:58

The DF is not 'working as a team', he's undermining the OP's efforts to cope.

SchnizzleNo2 · 02/12/2018 10:59

"It isn't normal for a couple to sleep separately with an 8 mo and play tag parenting. It also isn't normal not to be able to leave a baby that age in a cot / floor mat / high chair while you get on with things."

There's no such thing as normal when it comes to parenting. I don't see the point of guilting the OP for trying to cope in a difficult situation.

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