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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to let ex DH take DS to a concert.

103 replies

MissingCalifornia · 01/12/2018 17:21

I saw ex, we only parted ways three weeks ago so I’m prepared to be told that is clouding my judgment.
Today is DS’s birthday and he was gifted concert tickets to an act that I find inappropriate for his age (he’s 13) by DH. STBXH knows how I feel about this act so I’m pretty sure the whole thing is to undermine me and put me in a difficult position.
I’ve said to DS that I need think about him attending the concert which has spoiled his birthday lunch with relatives as he has sulked the whole way through it.
AIBU to stick to my guns and not let him go?

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 01/12/2018 17:23

What is the band?

Gazelda · 01/12/2018 17:24

I think it depends on who the act is. We can't know whether your aversion to the act is reasonable or not. Your ex has as much right to decide whether it's appropriate or not, although in an ideal world you and he would reach an agreement before DS found out about the tickets.
Your ex has been a shit for doing this so that you look like the bad guy.

Howhot · 01/12/2018 17:25

It depends what it is. Unless it's truly awful I don't think it's fair if you to put your foot down. Your DS has two parents .

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 01/12/2018 17:25

Depends on the band but you'll also need to start realising that when with him, his dad can take him to these things if he wishes.

PawPawNoodle · 01/12/2018 17:26

STBXH knows how I feel about this act so I’m pretty sure the whole thing is to undermine me and put me in a difficult position.

I'm assuming your son likes the act? Maybe your ex didn't give you a seconds thought and bought his son something he would like.

As an aside unless it's tickets to a stripper convention or an Adolf Hitler tribute act, I can't think of a situation where your parental outrage will trump him taking his son to a concert.

SD1978 · 01/12/2018 17:26

Does he listen to the band? Are under 18's permitted to go to the concert? Would you have said no if you were still in a happy relationship with his father? I think you are being unreasonable- sorry. You shouldn't stop him- but teach him why you think it's innapripariate to listen to, how it effects your view on women/peaople/etc. if it's during dads time, you need to back off. As long as he isn't putting your son in danger, this is the stress of shared parenting.

MissMalice · 01/12/2018 17:26

Presumably if it was objectively inappropriate for 13yo there would be an age limit on who can go..?

Sirzy · 01/12/2018 17:27

Its hard to say without knowing the act but unless it’s somethinb very inappropriate then yabu.

CosmicCanary · 01/12/2018 17:28

Of course he sulked!

You have just told him his birthday gift to see an act he likes he may not be able to have.

VioletCharlotte · 01/12/2018 17:28

Gigs normally have age restrictions, so if the organisers think it's suitable for 13 year olds, then I'd say you're probably being unreasonable. We need to really know who the act is though to make a judgement.

WorraLiberty · 01/12/2018 17:29

Why have you not mentioned what the act is?

If you're just asking if you're being unreasonable, then I'd say you probably are because why does your opinion trump your ex's?

It's really hard to say without knowing what it is, unless he's like about your DS's age? If that's the case then YANBU.

WorraLiberty · 01/12/2018 17:30

*lied - not like

incognito0 · 01/12/2018 17:32

Good luck trying to explain to DS why he can't go, your ex has played this one well hasn't he.

If you say no you're the bad guy, I'd just let him go and smile through gritted teeth.

BertrandRussell · 01/12/2018 17:33

What's the band?

CrispbuttyNo1 · 01/12/2018 17:34

If under 18s are allowed and it’s a band your son likes then yabu

Original poster
MissingCalifornia · 01/12/2018 17:35

Thank you for the replies. I think I’m more frustrated with the fact that I had said to DH not to buy them and he has. Like I said we only parted three weeks ago so I knew this birthday was going to be hardwork as DS keeps asking after DH who didn’t drop round to see him.
I’ll ask DS’s dad what he thinks about DS going.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 01/12/2018 17:36

Who is the band?

TwistedStitch · 01/12/2018 17:36

Is this his Dad?

WorraLiberty · 01/12/2018 17:36

He's not his dad?

alfagirl73 · 01/12/2018 17:36

No one can provide a proper opinion unless they know what band it is... who is it?

TrueLoveWays · 01/12/2018 17:36

Depends on who the act is.

Urbanbeetler · 01/12/2018 17:37

Poor kid, it’s a tough time when parents split and harder still at this time of year. Unless it’s wildly inappropriate, could you let him go with a little lecture on where and when to repeat what he hears. You aren’t going to win even if he ends up not going.

ShawshanksRedemption · 01/12/2018 17:38

"I’ll ask DS’s dad what he thinks about DS going."

So your Ex-DH isn't DS's Dad? I'm confused!

19lottie82 · 01/12/2018 17:38

I would say YABU unless it’s cradle of filth Grin

Gazelda · 01/12/2018 17:38

Hang on, is ex not DS's DF?

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