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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to let ex DH take DS to a concert.

103 replies

MissingCalifornia · 01/12/2018 17:21

I saw ex, we only parted ways three weeks ago so I’m prepared to be told that is clouding my judgment.
Today is DS’s birthday and he was gifted concert tickets to an act that I find inappropriate for his age (he’s 13) by DH. STBXH knows how I feel about this act so I’m pretty sure the whole thing is to undermine me and put me in a difficult position.
I’ve said to DS that I need think about him attending the concert which has spoiled his birthday lunch with relatives as he has sulked the whole way through it.
AIBU to stick to my guns and not let him go?

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 01/12/2018 17:54

This definitely depends on who the band is.

Graphista · 01/12/2018 17:55

On this yabu. It's not just up to you what's "appropriate" but your ex too, both of you are your ds parents.

Wow! Your ex not being his dad is a HUGE dripfeed!

What does his biological dad think? How long was your ex step dad?

I also think it's very telling you won't say who the act are.

QueenofallIsee · 01/12/2018 18:00

I am struggling to think of a musical act that is wholly inappropriate for teens OP, unless it’s the harder end of Rap.... even if it is, please think carefully on whether you are being suitably objective? If it’s a band you allow him to listen to regularly enough that he would love to see them live, why wouldn’t he be permitted to go?

ShawshanksRedemption · 01/12/2018 18:01

I'll agree with other PPs in that this should not be a battleground for your DS.

Your DS wants to see the band. Unless he is underage for the ticket, then he should go and see them (because it sounds like your personal preference rather than an age thing).

theworldistoosmall · 01/12/2018 18:01

WHO IS THE ACT?
I hate shouting but you seem to be ignoring this vital question.
And no it's not outing to say who the act is unless is a solo performance.

Poster65 · 01/12/2018 18:04

I get the feeling you know you will be told you are being unreasonable if you tell us the band ...

You know the answer here OP

Iltavilli · 01/12/2018 18:05

Not sure about anyone else, but I’m getting a Josh Groban advert at the bottom of this page. Perhaps his version of O Holy Night is a little too much for the OP?
(Or maybe it’s Rammstein)

Glitteryfrog · 01/12/2018 18:07

Assuming it is some sort of arena/large concert I don't think there is anyone I'd have concerns about seeing.
A smaller gig I'd be a bit worried about it getting a bit pushy, but you can stand towards the back and be fine.
If it's a bit sweary then I'm sure it'll be no worse than he has heard or used.

But who is it?

PowerhouseOfTheCell · 01/12/2018 18:07

Boyzone?

Glitteryfrog · 01/12/2018 18:08

Rammstein - at least Rammstien would be fun.

Iltavilli · 01/12/2018 18:09

Rammstein is in Milton Keynes. Maybe the problem is Milton Keynes?

UserMe18 · 01/12/2018 18:09

YABU expecting opinions but ignorantly refusing to name the act.

jaseyraex · 01/12/2018 18:09

Need to know the act to know if you're being unreasonable. If it was really inappropriate then he wouldn't be allowed in at his age. I'm guessing it's under 16s or 14s with an adult like most gigs? In which case if you're DS likes the act then I wouldn't stop him from going, at least your ex has to listen to the act instead of you.

Original poster
MissingCalifornia · 01/12/2018 18:10

It’s a smaller gig some goth outfit that DH likes and wanted to take DS for his first concert.
I had already admitted to being U earlier up the thread 😳

OP posts:
Starlight456 · 01/12/2018 18:11

So why is it inappropriate ?

gallicghoul · 01/12/2018 18:11

Hmm difficult one. I do see your point but I think I'm going to go with YABU here. I'm assuming you're happy for DS to see his step father and you trust Ex DP with your son's safety.

I accept there are bands I might be wary of a 13 year old seeing but at 13, you should be able to have a conversation with DS to explain why you think it's inappropriate and what your concerns are. At least then he can have a think about what he's listening to.

In the future though, you might need to make it clear to Ex that he does not have parental responsibility and the decisions are yours and DS's dad's.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 01/12/2018 18:11

If he likes them enough to want to go and see them he presumably listens to them. In which case yabu

Iltavilli · 01/12/2018 18:12

In my fairly extensive experience, goth gigs tend to be some of the friendliest, calmest and most accepting.

Bracknellite · 01/12/2018 18:13

A lot of smaller gigs have an under 14s rule which is checked on the door.
This may be out of your hands if he’s 13

TeddybearBaby · 01/12/2018 18:13

I don’t know much (anything) about goth music. Is there a reason it’s inappropriate?

littlemisscomper · 01/12/2018 18:15

YABVVVVU to say 'gifted'. If you're British he wasn't 'gifted' anything, he was given the tickets as a present.

llangennith · 01/12/2018 18:15

A lot of places don't monitor the age of concert goers.
Let your DS go and do so with enthusiasm and a smile even if you have to fake it.

Glitteryfrog · 01/12/2018 18:16

Goths are the most harmless group of people ever! They're the human equivalent of kittens.
Let him go, maybe explain the more 'interesting' choice of lyrics if necessary.

TinselAngel · 01/12/2018 18:17

If it's goths he could go on his own and they'd probably all look after him.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 01/12/2018 18:17

Still struggling to see why it is inappropriate