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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say its not a disease its a habit which started with choice. Alcoholism

406 replies

TreeFu · 01/12/2018 17:03

My mother is a prolific binge drinker much to the detriment of myself and others around her, she has accepted she has a problem with drink but cannot be bothered to do anything to change her habits.

She can and does go for periods of time without touching one drop of alcohol, this is when she has no money to access it. During those periods she is just fine without it but as soon as she has access to money, she will binge until it runs out.

AIBU to believe this has nothing to do with disease and is down to her being weak willed, selfish and enjoying booze more than she cares about the wellbeing of those around her.

OP posts:
weleasewoderick22 · 02/12/2018 18:50

Send an ambulance to her house, for a welfare check if nothing else. She could have a major fit if she's stopped drinking and it can kill her.

Original poster
TreeFu · 02/12/2018 18:52

I wouldn't say my aunt is sensible entirely no, she's very in denial about mums health and is happy to just go to bed and see what's what in the morning.

She's not letting me speak to mum because she knows I'm going to tell her she needs hospital and that will inconvenience my aunt who will feel obliged to take her.

I wasn't concerned until I read the latest replies now I'm panicking.

OP posts:
Zulor · 02/12/2018 18:52

I genuinely don't know OP. I'm sorry I'm not much help. It really depends on whether she's still off the drink or is drinking small amounts. Could you call 111, although given that you're not there with her, you won't be able to answer many of their questions.

In my view, she needs A&E, but if she's totally unwilling, I'm not sure what you can do.

DurhamDurham · 02/12/2018 18:54

My brother is an alcoholic and it is horrible, soul destroying and has caused havoc and upset for years. He's a very poorly man. But I don't think it's a disease, it's a powerful addiction and I wouldn't wish it on any family but it's not something which just happened to him. He made seriously bad choices a long the way, ended up loosing his job, wife, home, but that's what addiction does to you.

Zulor · 02/12/2018 18:55

Would the aunt call an ambulance and answer the questions honestly? They sound like a right pair!

Original poster
TreeFu · 02/12/2018 18:58

If I could speak to my mum and tell her what I'm being told here then she would absolutely go to hospital, but the aunt is blocking me from being able to do that. For fuck sake she's infuriating me.

Aunt is of the opinion mums fine which is bull crap, she sounded upset and nervous when I spoke to her on the phone a couple of hours ago so she can't be completely fine if she's tremoring.

I can't even speak to my own mother to assess how bad she is now or how she's feeling, and give her the advice I'm given here.

OP posts:
Original poster
TreeFu · 02/12/2018 18:59

Aunt sees an ambulance and medics as inconvenience and thinks there's no need for it.

Who the hell does she think she is.

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 02/12/2018 19:00

What an awful situation OP I think you should phone 111 for advice.
Alcoholism and other forms of addiction are a disease and a symptom of MH problems in many cases but that doesn’t make them any easier for the sufferers family to cope with. Nor does it mean that you have to accept the lies and broken promises and awful behaviour that comes from someone in the throes of addiction.

CollyWombles · 02/12/2018 19:00

If she has been hallucinating and shaking she needs to either drink or go to A&E. Those are both very obvious symptoms of delerium tremens which should NEVER be taken lightly. It can last three days and become worse. An alcoholic cannot just stop drinking cold turkey. It is very very dangerous.

If your aunt doesn't understand or accept your mother's alcoholism, then there is a good chance she doesn't realise how dangerous going through the DT's is. Every time an alcoholic withdraws from alcohol it gets worse and worse, the DT's which is why do many alcoholics relapse. Drink makes it stop. Your mother needs A&E and benzo's like diazepam.

Zulor · 02/12/2018 19:00

Mild symptoms usually show up as early as 6 hours after you put down your glass. They can include:

Anxiety
Shaky hands
Headache
Nausea
Vomiting
Insomnia
Sweating
More serious problems range from hallucinations about 12 to 24 hours after that last drink to seizures within the first 2 days after you stop. You can see, feel, or hear things that aren't there.

That isn’t the same as delirium tremens, or DTs as you’re likely to hear them called. DTs usually start 48 to 72 hours after you put down the glass. These are severe symptoms that include vivid hallucinations and delusions. Only about 5% of people with alcohol withdrawal have them. Those that do may also have:

Confusion
Racing heart
High blood pressure
Fever
Heavy sweating

Zulor · 02/12/2018 19:04

Hallucinations are very worrying OP.
It would be very sad to think that she was desperately trying to get sober for her son's birthday and has inadvertently walked into hell in the process.

Your aunt sounds like an ass.

I would ring 111, tell them what you do know and what you don't know and see what they advise. She probably won't go with them anyway, as that's how alcoholics roll, but you at least might get some peace of mind.

Original poster
TreeFu · 02/12/2018 19:09

My aunt is now saying she's "took her sleeping tablets and is shutting down the phone and going to bed now" so that's my last line of contact with mum cut off and I've got no way of knowing how she is or what's happening.

Me being alarmed about the DT symptoms and wanting my mum to be checked out my a medic is an inconvenience to her and she's trying to block me off.

If mum dies in the night it's on her hands Sad

OP posts:
Zulor · 02/12/2018 19:14

Don't worry OP. I'm sure your Mum will be safe and sound in the morning, back to her usual drinking ways and annoying the life out of you.

Apologies for stressing you out, I didn't realise that you were in no position to assist or intervene. I assumed she was close by.
I hope she goes with you to the clinic tomorrow. Please God she'll get through the night safely. Thinking of you and your Mum tonight.
Get a good night's sleep, and be prepared for her to back out at the last minute tomorrow.

At some point honey, you know it's ok to actually disengage, heartbreaking as that will be. But you look after yourself first. Otherwise you're not capable of looking after anyone else.

nomoreusernamesfree · 02/12/2018 19:15

I would ring out of hours GP or whatever your out of hours system is and explain the situation they can do a home visit to check on her.

Zulor · 02/12/2018 19:19

Well if the aunt has taken sleeping pills, and we don't know what state the Mum is in, it's unlikely either of them will wake up if an ambulance arrives.

Original poster
TreeFu · 02/12/2018 19:20

Aunt has just sent a message saying mum's symptoms have magically gone away so can I please respect her wishes (hers not mum's) because she "cannot verbally handle all the stress of playing nurse this evening"

Basically I'm annoying her by asking her to take mum to A&E or phone for a medic and she wants me to fuck off and stop texting.

Hope mum will be OK. I will phone 111 for advice.

How could she be tremoring at 5pm but not now?

OP posts:
TheNavigator · 02/12/2018 19:21

My step father has has hallucinations and tremors & is sadly still with us, so I wouldn't worry too much OP. You've done your best, your mum is an adult & has another adult with her. You need to look after yourself and your baby, just let it go for tonight.

Original poster
TreeFu · 02/12/2018 19:22

Aunt has a significant MH issue and is not somebody who can deal with, emotionally or practically, a withdrawing alcoholic.

I'd prefer mum was here or better still at A&E but my hands are tied from where I am as I can't speak to mum directly.

OP posts:
Zulor · 02/12/2018 19:23

It genuinely depends on whether she has been drinking since the hallucinations or not (i.e. today). If she has had a little to drink, it will stave off the onset of withdrawals. If she hasn't drank today, then she's in a very dangerous period.

I'm not sure whether to say this or not, but in the back of my mind, I'm thinking call the police. That's possibly a complete over-reaction, but again it depends on what stage of withdrawals she is in (or not).
It's impossible to try to give advice OP. I'm so sorry.

Original poster
TreeFu · 02/12/2018 19:23

@TheNavigator I have an awful sense of humour because that really made me smile lol

OP posts:
Zulor · 02/12/2018 19:24

Yes, she could be tremoring at 5pm and not now if she has taken a drink since 5pm. Which I know doesn't sound like a good thing, but it is.

TheNavigator · 02/12/2018 19:25

Glad to raise a cynical smile OP, don't let your mum drag you down, you have your own child to put first now.

Original poster
TreeFu · 02/12/2018 19:26

@Zulor I have absolutely no idea unfortunately Sad

When we spoke she was definitely sober and I can always tell when she's had even a small drink, she hadn't.

She said her hands were shaky but no hallucinations since last night.

I don't think she fully understands the DTs herself, Im only speculating but I believe she thinks they are a sign that she needs to stop drinking instead of a sign of her needing one.

If I could speak to her I'd advise her to have a small glass of wine or something, but I can't get through

OP posts:
Zulor · 02/12/2018 19:32

Ok, well see what 111 advise I guess and then try to relax (difficult I know).

Original poster
TreeFu · 02/12/2018 19:32

I've never seen or heard of her shaking before now. It was only yesterday I was saying she doesn't have those withdrawals. God knows how much she's drank this week to get into that state.

OP posts: