To say its not a disease its a habit which started with choice. Alcoholism

[TreeFu]

My mother is a prolific binge drinker much to the detriment of myself and others around her, she has accepted she has a problem with drink but cannot be bothered to do anything to change her habits.

She can and does go for periods of time without touching one drop of alcohol, this is when she has no money to access it. During those periods she is just fine without it but as soon as she has access to money, she will binge until it runs out.

AIBU to believe this has nothing to do with disease and is down to her being weak willed, selfish and enjoying booze more than she cares about the wellbeing of those around her.

It makes a huge difference if people seek or accept help.
My mother was an alcoholic I could never persuade her to seek help at any step along the many years of dependency. She didn't want to cut down, or accept help. If she had tried at least once I wouldn't hold her accountable, but she lied and insisted she had no addiction. It's very hard not to hold her accountable for her choices.

Mine was the same nomoreusernames and I agree.

This is what most professionals are working off.

Most people lie about the amount they are drinking. Also, most treatment services requires the patient to make the first contact. So while she would have been given a leaflet, it's not like she can be referred to the service and they make contact - she would need to make the initial contact herself.

Oh and to explain the diagram, the audit score is the number of alcohol units being consumed per day.

She phoned me upset and said she was hallucinating last night and could see a load of children's toys bouncing around when she was In bed

She said she really feels that she needs medical help in the form of tablets or whatever can be given.

I've found a local drug and alcohol treatment service who offer everything from talking therapies to medical detoxification, they've got specialist doctors and counsellors who work there and from what I've read they sound fantastic. I'm going to take her there tomorrow afternoon and then the rest is on her.

I'm in agreement that the GP and A&E isn't the way forward.

I'm going to take her there tomorrow and then detach myself and concentrate on myself and DC.

It makes a huge difference if people seek or accept help.
My mother was an alcoholic I could never persuade her to seek help at any step along the many years of dependency. She didn't want to cut down, or accept help. If she had tried at least once I wouldn't hold her accountable, but she lied and insisted she had no addiction. It's very hard not to hold her accountable for her choices

Yup.

I really feel for you OP, I have an alcoholic step father. He is a selfish, worthless piece of shit and he is an alcoholic. The disease he now has is dementia as a result of alcohol addiction. The addiction isn't the disease, that is just selfishness and weakness because he is a selfish and weak man. And now my mum has care for a selfish, nasty, pathetic man with dementia. Slow hand clap for him and for my mum for not leaving him despite how he treated me. Karma's bitten them both hard.

@weleasewoderick22 - I actually do think that it would be good for the OP to take the focus off her mum and onto herself, because whilst she can’t change her mum, or her relationship to alcohol, she can make sure that she looks after herself, and makes sure her emotional and psychological well-being aren’t damaged any more by her mum’s actions.

I also think AlAnon, or something similar, would be good for her, because she would get support from people who are going through the same things she is.

I agree with you OP. I come from a family of alcoholics and I myself have a problem with alcohol. It's not a disease, it's an addiction and entirely self inflicted. Saying it's a disease is an insult to all those with actual diseases.

YANBU. Your mum needs to hit rock bottom like my dad did last year - he almost died in November and it was quite literally a sobering experience for him. He's been teetotal and mostly healthy since. My ex-husband went through the same thing a few years back and he's also sober now, though as selfish as ever. When they want to change they can, but too many alkies think they are indestructibe until they find out otherwise.

I hope she goes with you OP. Just one thing, is she still drinking or abstinent at the moment, as if she's not drinking now after a period of heavy drinking, she needs A&E.

It's just that if she's not drinking now and is hallucinating, she's in a very very dangerous place where she could die from a seizure.

She phoned me upset and said she was hallucinating last night and could see a load of children's toys bouncing around when she was In bed 

Is she hallucinating from not drinking? If so she needs a+e NOW. Could be a sign of delirium tremens and is life threatening if not treated!!!!

SDT. You are right, I was projecting my feelings on to her situation and not taking into account her individual situation.

@Zulor she's at my aunts now, sober but she said her hands are shaking. I asked if she felt she needed to go to A&E and she said no. I've not known her to tremor before so it sounds like she's had quite a big session over a period of days.

I'm the other side of the city and they don't want me to go round, plus I couldn't as my babies in bed

It sounds like delerium tremens (commonly known as DTs). But you usually get that coming off alcohol, not while on it.
There is another thing, if she is drinking which it might be which is alcoholic psychosis.

Your Mum will be absolutely petrified, so try to be a little kind to her. I know she's an asshole and a drunk selfish asshole, but I wouldn't wish either of the above on my worst enemy.

Has she someone to stay with her tonight? The friend perhaps who you mentioned had rang?

She was hallucinating last night and that's stopped now, from what I'm told she hadn't drank since this morning but I can't be sure as my aunt does tend to lie on her behalf so I'm a bit in the dark as to where she's actually at

Treefu. I mean this with the urgency I'm going to say it. SHE NEEDS A&E NOW OR SHE WILL DIE.

It's actually better believe it or not, if she is actually drinking a lot. No doctor advises cold turkey. They tell the patient to gradually try to reduce. She needs hospital treatment to safely detox. Whether she comes straight back out and goes on a bender is anyone's guess, but hallucinations will have scared the living daylights out of her.

Not 'a lot'. I meant 'a bit'.

If she is ill, confused or hallucinating or. Shaking and unwell she needs medical attention as she may need medicated detox which is done in the hospital setting
As well as assessment as to what is wrong. My mum went on a huge bender after my dad died and developed korsakoffs psychosis and became very ill in hospital.

For yourself, check out NACOA and COAIsathing x

She definitely needs A&E. My DH mother died in her early fifties from the DT's. She had ruined her digestive system and kept throwing up alcohol so she started withdrawing. She went into hospital one evening and died the next. She is shaking from the withdrawal and will be suffering extreme anxiety. She needs urgent help.

I'm panicking now.

I'm WhatsApping my aunt where she's staying and she's saying she doesn't need to go to hospital is refusing to take her and saying she's in bed.

I can't speak to mum directly as her phones off and the aunt is not letting me call, trying to get me to stop texting.

Do I ring an ambulance or what? When I spoke to mum she said the hallucinations had stopped, that was in the night, but she was tremoring when I spoke to her.

Ok, is the aunt a sensible enough person? Is she with your mother now?