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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH annoyed I bought 1yo DD a coat

113 replies

Wingingthis · 01/12/2018 12:40

I picked up DD a coat I saw in the sale last week.
DH annoyed that he didn’t get a say, said he never gets to choose what she wears (told him just to buy stuff no problem he just never does) and in the future wants me to run everything by him before I buy it for her.

AIBU that this is ridiculous?!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 01/12/2018 18:55

Glad things have worked out well for you KeysHairbandNotepad and it’s nice to have one of the good ones Smile

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 02/12/2018 17:29

He’s being an absolute bell end!!

DaisyYellow · 02/12/2018 17:34

He is being ridiculous, but maybe this is a sign he feels he is missing out because he’s not the main care giver? If so, this is less worrying than him being a control freak, and it is something you could maybe do something about.

MrsChopper · 02/12/2018 17:43

If this is out of character I am guessing something else has affected him emotionally amd he is letting it out on you. Like pp said he is trying to be in control at home because he is unable to control something else. You should talk to him about this. I would certainly not start running things by him in the future for every single purchase.

Missingstreetlife · 02/12/2018 17:58

Take him shopping on Saturday, with dd to try everything on.

pollymere · 02/12/2018 17:59

It sounds like he's feeling left out of her growing up, rather than anything else.

TulipsInbloom1 · 02/12/2018 18:02

I used to buy most of dc1s stuff purely because i was off and had time. Dh said he would like to choose things for her so i just said crack on. I dont think he realised clothes buying was such a non event. That he could just pop into a shop and pick up a top or a dress or whatever. He thought it was like a Big Event weirdo.

He buys most of the dcs clothes now purely because he now works fewer hours than me.

ToftyAC · 02/12/2018 18:22

OMG your DH is being so precious! Made me LOL. I have a teen with my ex DH and although my son lives with his dad I still buy all the clothes. I have a 4 yo with my new DP and other than a pair of winter boots in last years sale, he’s never bought DS2 a damn thing either. Both exDH and new DP have v good taste in clothes, so I don’t understand it really!

ToftyAC · 02/12/2018 18:24

And I certainly wouldn’t run a damn thing past either guy. If they want to buy their relative boys clothes, they can crack on and be my guest - other than they never know what size either boy is in.... sigh....

Scotland32 · 02/12/2018 18:29

My eldest is 5. My husband once paid for two items of clothing for her in M&S when she was about 2. Everything else both my daughters wear comes out of my salary. So i have say over what I buy them. Things we buy jointly, we have joint say.
He is welcome to shop for them anytime! But doesn’t!

Mummadeeze · 02/12/2018 18:31

My friend’s husband is like this. He got annoyed with her because she decided to move the place where the kept the colander. He also got annoyed when she put a picture up without checking with him. He got angry when she invited her sister to her own graduation because she didn’t ask him. Honestly, watch out. This does sound like controlling behaviour and it might get worse.

Welshheart · 02/12/2018 18:34

This is ridiculous. Or rather he is. I'd tell him to grow up (not so politely as that) that you don't need to run everything by him as you're a grown woman & can make decisions regarding what your child needs.

PremierNaps · 02/12/2018 18:42

I've been with my best friend and she's rang her DH and asked him to look at a picture she sent him and can she buy them because if he doesn't like them she can't get them. Blows my mind.

Batteriesallgone · 02/12/2018 19:13

Hmmm I don’t know. I always run coats past DH tbh. They are used every day in the winter, very visible, and if I was repeatedly putting a fugly or unwieldy coat on a child because DH had impulse bought it in the sale I’d be annoyed.

DH went through a stage of buying slogan tops for the DC which I hated but it’s not too bad when they aren’t wearing them every day.

AssassinatedBeauty · 02/12/2018 19:18

There's no mention that the DH thinks the coat is ugly or unwieldy/inappropriate. Not all impulse buys are bad buys!

lily2403 · 02/12/2018 19:30

I would t be able to refrain from laughing in the face of my DH if he said that to me, how absurd and childish. Like you say if he want to buy her something then go for it

lily2403 · 02/12/2018 19:31

Wouldnt*

junebirthdaygirl · 02/12/2018 19:48

I have to admit if dh had come home with a new coat for any of dcs with letting me see l wouldn't have been happy. So if its fair for dms to care its surely fair for your dh to care.
My dh couldn't have cared less. He would only realise they had no coat when a big snow came.

gindrinkingmarypoppins · 02/12/2018 19:53

I would hazard a guess that this isn't about a coat.

Does he display other control freakish tendencies?

That's a ridiculous thing to be concerning yourself with. Life is too short for nonsense like that. Seriously.

MummyofTw0 · 02/12/2018 20:35

He sounds a bit controlling

Filiboom · 02/12/2018 21:07

If the positions were reversed (and in our house, they probably wouldn’t be), I would probably mind about a coat being bought. I care about what my sons wear more than DH does (and more than they do!). He would quite happily buy them stuff if I asked him to and they would wear it. Because in our relationship it means more to me that it does to them. I have friends whose husbands care more about what their children wear, and they should be allowed to.

I can see myself doing what your DH has done if we were in a similar position and he had bought the coat. I’m not proud of myself and would see that I should get over it, but don’t think that either he or I should be called controlling as a result. It may be that there are other things that are going on that mean he saying he is controlling is correct, but if it is simply that he wanted a say in what his child wore all winter (and children don’t generally need more than one winter coat), then I do have some sympathy with him (even if they do result from my own slightly controlling characteristics!).

MRSsqueak · 02/12/2018 21:09

wow. im glad my husband doesnt insist on having a say in our dcs clothes and shoes. he has rubbish taste in kids clothes Grin and even worse taste in shoes. he doesnt even choose their christmas presents or birthday presents we have chats about what to get them he says what he thinks they would like. its usually a vague idea like oh ds loves cars and trucks or dd would like some youtube merch etc he just isnt interested in shopping he is disabled and always in pain so shopping isnt his idea of fun. he often asks me on christmas day.... who got them that? and i say we did. one of my friends dp pitched a fit because he wanted to choose their babies pram.... mine just wants to know how much it is going to cost Grin

Chucky16 · 02/12/2018 21:09

He’s being silly. Show him these threads so he knows how unreasonable he is being.

Filiboom · 02/12/2018 21:11

Oh and just reread your OP. To run everything by him is ridiculous, but a coat is a big purchase and can be distinguished. Maybe he is just feeling left out, particularly if work is not going as he would like and you are a SAHM (have been there and can see the issues now on both sides, with some distance in time).

Basically, what I am saying is, if allelse is good, treat this a a blip against everything else that is going on in both your lives.

manicmij · 02/12/2018 21:15

He is being unreasonable. Just send him a picture of item telling him you are going to buy it. He is being consulted!