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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH annoyed I bought 1yo DD a coat

113 replies

Wingingthis · 01/12/2018 12:40

I picked up DD a coat I saw in the sale last week.
DH annoyed that he didn’t get a say, said he never gets to choose what she wears (told him just to buy stuff no problem he just never does) and in the future wants me to run everything by him before I buy it for her.

AIBU that this is ridiculous?!

OP posts:
VictoryOrValhalla · 01/12/2018 14:56

If it was a woman saying all child purchases had to be run past her I would say she had assigned herself the role of “chief parent”and she needed to wake up and realise her husband was just as much a parent of the child as she was.

0lgaDaPolga · 01/12/2018 15:49

Unless it’s some sort of ridiculously expensive designer coat he is being a knob. I get all our son’s clothes just because my dh couldn’t care less about what he wears and I quite like choosing things for him. If your dh isn’t happy with the situation he can just buy her things himself

Cauliflowersqueeze · 01/12/2018 15:54

I think he’s being a nob.

SpoonBlender · 01/12/2018 16:12

He's being a dick, obviously. Could well be knockons from the work thing, but that's no excuse - bringing frustration home and taking it out on you is pure dick move. You need to call him on it and tell him to sort himself out, it is not acceptable.

That done, is he actually feeling left out of raising DD, and this work stress has brought a real problem to the surface?

Notonthestairs · 01/12/2018 16:17

Oh I'd have a little bit of fun with this. Bombard him with email links to socks, tights, pants, hats etc and keep it going. And he has to order and collect. Mothercare catalogues to his place of work.

I hate clothes shopping. I'd love a little clothes shopping fairy to deliver and put away the clothes in my house (and do the washing).
Sorry that's probably not that helpful.

milly848 · 01/12/2018 16:31

Is it a money thing? ie. is he the only one working, and he's funny about you spending cash without asking him or something?

Aeroflotgirl · 01/12/2018 16:33

Stupid and controlling. There is nothing stopping him buying his dd clothes is there! Plenty of shops out there.

RangeRider · 01/12/2018 16:35

If he's had a crappy week at work then give him the benefit of the doubt & find something over the weekend that you 'need his opinion' on. Everyone has crap to deal with sometimes so be supportive, it doesn't hurt this once. Obviously if he complains every time without cause then ring him daily!

formerbabe · 01/12/2018 16:38

Unless there were serious financial problems, I can see no reason why either parent, regardless of whether they were male or female, would have any issue with the other parent buying clothes for their DC.

Ceilingrose · 01/12/2018 16:43

Definitely smacks of controlling.

rach2713 · 01/12/2018 16:49

Oh me I have 2 girls and always buy them clothes never ask or tell my husband what I have bought until I'm home.

Bought 2 pairs of shoes that they needed for 50 quid and he was ok with it. He leaves the kids shopping to me as he hates it and I love it only thing he does say is as long as all my bills are paid before hand he doesn't care what I spend my money on..

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 01/12/2018 16:55

Make a deal, you choose her clothes while she's tiny and doesn't express an interest. He takes her shopping from about 8.See how far he gets trying to "have a say"
Or just tell him to stop being a cock.

BlueRose28 · 01/12/2018 17:03

DP thinks that it's wasting money buying much needed clothes for DD. She's currently in 12-18month sized clothing but is getting taller by the second. She's gone from it being a bit loose and having to roll the sleeves up to it fitting perfectly in a matter of 2 weeks. I have started buying the next size up clothing in advance because of her constant growth spurts and it wouldn't surprise me if she'll be in the next size clothing by next month. I don't go mad and buy shit tonnes of clothing every day, just the odd bits of clothing that are in the sales or a nice dress or outfit I spot when walking past it. So nothing too major right now. Every time I come home with clothing for her I get moaned at because I'm 'always throwing money away'. Even though when we first got together I paid off his £6000 debt because he thought it would be a great idea to get 4 contract phones and not pay council tax.

HestiaParthenos · 01/12/2018 17:08

Don't be so fucking disingenuous with that "if the sexes were reversed" bullshit. Poor guy indeed.

It is extremely unlikely this would even happen with the sexes reversed.

I, with my female socialisation, usually even shut up and just go with it when my mother gifts me clothes made of 50% Polyester when I have made it very clear I prefer 100% cotton and am willing to tolerate up to 5% artificial fibre.

This guy doesn't seem to have to do any of the work involved in bringing up a child, so if he were female, he'd likely be grateful and shut up, just as I do when I get gifts that aren't perfect.

HestiaParthenos · 01/12/2018 17:14

DP thinks that it's wasting money buying much needed clothes for DD.

Unless you are legitimately poor (in which case I'd advise buying used clothes her size while she still grows), I'd consider this a red flag, as I do the fact you paid off his debt.

What sort of man begrudges his daughter clothes she actually needs?
Do you see a pattern there?

You may have invested 6000 in this man, but perhaps it is time to cut your losses.

KeysHairbandNotepad · 01/12/2018 17:15

Dh expressed some sadness when I picked up some shirts for our son last summer , he just wants to be involved in those decisions. He's not controlling , he just likes it when we shop for his clothing together.

If this is an isolated incident then I don't see the problem.

Onestep2 · 01/12/2018 17:18

Don't even write a list. Tell him from now on he's in charge of dressing DD and being her personal shopper. See how long it lasts lol

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/12/2018 17:26

Of ffs. I bought my DSC winter coats because the forecast looked bad and DSS has suddenly shot up. We both buy them what they need when we realise they need it, or when they ask.

I picked out a couple of options each online, asked them to choose, bought them, told DH new coats would arrive in a couple of days, he said thank you. He’s more than capable of buying them what they need and does do often. On this occasion I was shopping anyway and got the fuck on with it. Kids are happy. DH was saved a very small job. Life goes on.

formerbabe · 01/12/2018 17:29

Dh expressed some sadness when I picked up some shirts for our son last summer , he just wants to be involved in those decisions. He's not controlling , he just likes it when we shop for his clothing together

If it's not controlling then it's just pathetic and needy...neither of which are attractive qualities in a man.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 01/12/2018 17:36

If it's not controlling then it's just pathetic and needy...neither of which are attractive qualities in a man.

Not attractive in women either. Without turning this into a FWR thread men are allowed to have feelings and women are allowed to be strong.

In this case YANBU OP.

KeysHairbandNotepad · 01/12/2018 17:40

@formerbabe I'm unsure if you're calling my husband pathetic and needy , but for him to want to shop for our much longed for baby's clothing together is perfectly reasonable in my eyes. We went through a lot to get to the shopping for a 3-6 month old's shirts stage! I don't care if that sounds soppy and ridiculous to some.

aprilanne · 01/12/2018 17:41

oh jings we must be terrible parents not once has my husband picked or had any interest in our three sons clothing and not once did i ever think to ask him he never even helped pick christmas presents .

BlueRose28 · 01/12/2018 17:47

@HestiaParthenos no we're not poor, we're quite well off. He's just a nob

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/12/2018 18:35

Then why did you do it KeysHairbandNotepad? Or did you find out the strength of his feelings after the fact?

KeysHairbandNotepad · 01/12/2018 18:50

@AnneLovesGilbert I guess I didn't think it would bother him when I chose the shirts , I'd been a single parent for years when we met so was simply used to doing everything myself. It's actually rather nice to have a husband that wants to be involved in every aspect of raising our child and that he doesn't think it's my job to make all of the decisions.

Anyway , it's not my thread. I'll be quiet. Sorry opSmile