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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it’s not ok for Husband to PM another woman who I’ve never meet?

86 replies

Tab1888 · 30/11/2018 18:02

Please excuse my inappropriate use of abbreviations it’s my first time posting. My husband has been messaging another woman through Facebook and invited her to join him for the weekend with my best friend and partner as I wasn’t able to attend because we have no one to look after our son. Is he of sound mind? Angry

OP posts:
Lovingbenidorm · 30/11/2018 18:03

Not sure if he’s of sound mind but if it was my DH he certainly wouldn’t be of sound tackle by the time I’d finished with him

halfwitpicker · 30/11/2018 18:04

What benidorm said

Sparkles07 · 30/11/2018 18:04

Yanbu! He’s asked another woman you’ve not met to take your place at a function!

TwistedStitch · 30/11/2018 18:06

Wtf?? And also, if it's your best friend why isn't he the one staying at home with your child whilst you go?

RedSkyLastNight · 30/11/2018 18:09

Is this a weekend away? Is the woman friends with your best friend and/or her partner, so it's just a case of inviting someone else who will get on with everyone, rather than specifically someone instead of you iyswim?

Original poster
Tab1888 · 30/11/2018 18:11

Holy F@ck
He has just told me he was being kind as I am always trying to teach him and our son that we should always be kind and help people.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tab1888 · 30/11/2018 18:14

My best friend and partner don’t know her they have never meet her. The event is a music festival that him and my best friends partner are involved in.

OP posts:
Mumshappy · 30/11/2018 18:14

This is really bad. What an absolute knobhead. I hate ultimatums but i think he would told by me if you go dont bother coming home! Why should he get to go whilst you stay home with your son. Disrespecful behaviour

Lovingbenidorm · 30/11/2018 18:14

You’re making me suspicious now

Mumshappy · 30/11/2018 18:17

This would only be ok if the woman was his relative and you had discussed it together and decided together for you to stay home and him invite sister/cousin to take your place

Excellentidea · 30/11/2018 18:18

Has he just offered her your place/ticket, or is he really expecting her to tag along and hang out with the three of them? If he's offered the place so it's not wasted it's not the same thing as inviting her to spend the weekend with him.

1poppy1 · 30/11/2018 18:23

I think it's fine to PM someone your partner doesn't know (as per your title) but not so fine to invite them along to a weekend away. Would it make a difference if you had met her though?

BeanBagLady · 30/11/2018 18:23

Yeah, has he sold the ticket, or his he planning to spend the weekend with her?
Surely that would be a bit tricky under the nose if your best friend?

Bombardier25966 · 30/11/2018 18:26

In what context has he invited her?

How does he know her?

AloneLonelyLoner · 30/11/2018 18:27

This is nuts. I’ve pulled stunts like this and now I realise how outrageous it is. He’s either insane or wants a divorce.

RoboticMary · 30/11/2018 18:28

YANBU. That’s so disrespectful! I’d be very upset if my DH did that and I wouldn’t be shy about telling him so!

Safeandwarm · 30/11/2018 18:33

What? No unless there is some big detail missing YANBU

Lovingbenidorm · 30/11/2018 18:35

Op I think you need to give more details here.
Firstly, you say he’s been messaging this woman, how does he know her?

empmalswa · 30/11/2018 18:43

How about adding some context?

Original poster
Tab1888 · 30/11/2018 18:52

He met the woman last year at the same weekender but has only been messaging recently. He offered her accommodation and suggested my best friend might share a room with her. ( He obviously hadn’t asked her as she would have told him to GTF! ) This messaging took place mostly in the small hours of the morning after I had went to bed. There was occasional flirting but what drove me mental and nearly made me lose my shit was he was pretending to this woman how he doesn’t like people’s mess or messy accommodation and he is the messiest person I have ever met.

OP posts:
Excellentidea · 30/11/2018 18:56

Meh. Could be entirely innocent. From my days of festivalling this doesn't sound so outrageous. Maybe he is just being nice. Do you have reason not to trust him?

Lovingbenidorm · 30/11/2018 18:58

So many flags for me!
Why would your friend share a room with this woman if she has a partner?
Why do you mention late night messaging & flirting?
This is a wind up surely?!

Original poster
Tab1888 · 30/11/2018 19:13

The late night messaging is when he was chatting to this woman and first thing in the morning when he woke up.No wind up I saw the messages myself. It just all seems a bit weird for it too be innocent. Chatting after I’ve gone to bed. I have no knowledge of her. He offered the woman the accommodation and then told me when I confronted him that he had no intention on asking my best friend as he knew that wasn’t an option. He says he has been stupid

OP posts:
Lovingbenidorm · 30/11/2018 19:37

I think you misunderstood me.
I think it’s you doing the wind up. You can’t possibly think this is acceptable behaviour. If what you are telling us is true then DH is totally out of line and your relationship really needs looking at.

LittleScottieDog · 30/11/2018 19:38

You are always trying to teach him and [y]our son that we should always be kind* and help people

Your husband needs you to teach him this?!