To be so annoyed with 'MIL'?

[PurpleRose01]

I'd like some other views on this, as I freely admit to not always keeping things in proportion.

DP's brother lives in London, but always comes up for Christmas. This year, his gf is coming up between Christmas and New Year. 'MIL' has announced that she will be hosting a buffet for family while she is up. Invited are me, DP, DP's cousin and her husband and DP's aunt.

My mum moved down to the town we live in back in 2016. She now lives about a 20min walk from us and 'MIL'. No mention of her being invited. Now, for many years it was mum and me against the world so I do take things to heart on her behalf. She might not even want to come along, but it's the fact she hasn't even been invited. AIBU to be annoyed?

I don’t see why you are annoyed? I’ve been invited for dinner with my mil on Boxing Day but my dad hasn’t been inited, it never actually crossed my mind to be annoyed.

Your Mil has done nothing wrong

You're getting yours knickers in a fankle when
A- it's not your buffet.
B- you don't even know if your DM would want to attend
C- nothing is stopping you having a get together and inviting anyone you want. Hth.

So MIL is inviting some members of your DHs side of the family (her family?) to much for one day her house during the Xmas hols (not even for Xmas or NY just a random day) and you’re offended she hasn’t invited your DM?? Why?? Why would she invite her?

It seems a bit like your trying to find something to be offended about... do you dislike your MIL?

Lots of typos. Sorry.

I'm going to my BF mum and dad's on boxing day. it hasn't even occurred to me that my dad should come too. Why would he?

I dunno.. Maybe there's a backstory that changes the tone or something?

*lunch not much

I don't think it would ever occur to me to invite my son's girlfriend's mum, if we were just having a buffet on one random day between Christmas and New Year
^this, just like every one else!

She's not even your MIL, why would she invite your mother?!? She isn't her family

If DM was travelling a way to stay at yours I might see why you would want her to be invited rather than at your place alone, but not when she lives in the same blinking town!

BTW, I assume DPs DB and GF are invited and you missed them off the list?

Thought you were going to say GF wasn't invited, despite coming to meet MIL - Now that would be odd...

YABU.

I feel sorry for your boyfriend’s mother here. She’s having a nice get-together for her son’s girlfriend, and her other son’s girlfriend is bitching about it online.

YABU. I don’t think it’a the norm in most families to do what you’re suggesting.

In my family my parents have invited my MIL and PIL to say, a big birthday party of one of them in a function room or something, with a large number of guests. And vice versa. My parents also went to DH’s nan’s funeral. They all see each other occasionally at get together a that WE have but I wouldn’t expect my mum to invite my in-laws to a regular small family get together in her house, and the same for MIL.

I think an exception would be if your mum was on her own and this was the only night you had to see her, if you were visiting from hundreds of miles away for the weekend. But this isn’t the case, isnit?

Just ask MIL if your Mum can come, too - simple.

If she says, "no", then come back on and we can say YANBU! :)

lol I do not get a choice, DIL and her family come as a package. She says she cannot leave her mum alone over xmas, birthdays, etc....

So confused. Are you really upset that you MIL didn't invite her son's girlfriends mum to her own family get together.

I can't imagine my mum invite my for step mum (he isn't in contact with his mum and was brought up by SM) to meet my brothers girlfriend. If I asked, she would be fine with it. But it wouldn't occur to her to just do it.

The problem, OP, is that if you are as close as you say, if your mum was there then the whole dynamic would change and I bet you would just sit there talking to your mum in a corner all night. The idea is that it’a Your inkaw’s side of the family that you’re mixing with and forging relationships with, independent of your mum.

I do really think it might be time to cut the apron strings a bit.

I would never expect my mum to be invited in that scenario.

My in-laws would invite my parents OP so I get you. But equally I wouldn’t be offended if they didn’t for some reason

I guess i'm a 'MIL' (DD2 23 been with her boyfiend for 7 years now). DH and i get on fantastically with boyfriend and he's round here a lot, but i wouldn't in a million years expect to get invited to his mother's family get-togethers

In my family, your mil would be invited as a matter of course.

Your mother, not mil.

If you're so annoyed, you could decline your invitation and spend the time with your DM.

Just ask MIL if your Mum can come, too - simple.

If she says, "no", then come back on and we can say YANBU!

I was about to write these exact words! Honestly, OP, it probably just hasn't occurred to your MIL - just ask her if your mum can come and I'm sure she'll say yes!

If she says no without good reason, THAT'S when she's being unreasonable and that's when you need to make the thread!

I don’t think it would be normal for your MIL to invite your mum to MIL’s family lunch, unless that’s something she’s usually done before?

I would ask if your Mum can come. It probably just hasn’t occurred to your MIL.

Does you mother invite your boyfriends parents to everything?

for many years it was mum and me against the world so I do take things to heart on her behalf

Well, stop it. It's not you and Mum against the world. People are not out to get you.

I'm sure your MIL didn't intend to slight your Mum - most likely it just didn't occur to her. Just behave like a normal person and ask your MIL whether your Mum can come too.