God parents of baby

[paige789]

So I'll try and make it short
I have 2 close friends from school and we normally do things all 3 of us...
I was close friends with both of them which is how they became friends.. I want to ask one of them to be god mother to my baby but I know the other one will be really pissed off.. but the one I'm asking has made a huge effort and I can tell she loves my baby and the other has only popped round once and I feel like that was forced just because she knew she had to see her although she is a good friend to me just doesn't make a huge effort with my children.. I don't want to upset her but I also don't want to not ask my other friend :/

huntawaymama just that and well said

Huntawaymama that’s absolutely fine. You don’t need to go to church to be a Christian and I certainly didn’t say that. It sounds like you are giving your child spritual guidance and teaching them about Christianity which is exactly the point.

OK so you're having a naming ceremony and selecting guardians.

Ultimately it is about who you like more. You said of you asked friend 2 she'd step up and be in your child's life more. Clearly that isn't what you want. You oy want first friend.

Please or offend you have to own that.

If I loved them both equally and thought they would both step up and support my child if asked I'd ask both.

why do church's let non Christians christen their baby then

Because it is about the child, not the parents. Their lack of faith should not impact negatively on the child

And this sums it up in one. It's absolutely fine to get you child christened if you are not "Christian" yourself.

If you're not Christian or religious then dont have christening have a naming day instead.
In my country, to baptise your child one of the parents need to be religious and have a baptismal certificate to prove so and same as one of the god parents so depending how your church works they may not even let you christen your child.

haha this sounds like me and some friends from home.
i'd be the friend that doesnt get picked because i only visit a couple of times a year (that to her is not enough) whereas friend comes round once a week. thats because they live 1 mile from each other, whereas i'm almost 600 miles away. not so easy.

some people aren't interested in babies... i'd wait... my parents picked all of our god parents when we were around 1 and only 1 set of 5 are around now. they're all alive, they just aren't involved anymore/no longer friends with parents.

@Blanchedupetitpois

The only wanker around here is you.

I thought that's just what they were called. I've not confused anything no one is stopping me going into a church and getting my daughter christened If I wanted too religious or not so technically I'm entitled to do whatever I want for me children however I wasn't going to.

You sound really ignorant and entitled. And sorry but the Church would stop you and your friends crashing a religious ceremony for shits and giggles. My Priest would not be impressed at all.

Hi OP - I get where you are coming from. If you don't want to cause a row would it not be better to ask somebody from a different circle - your sister, a different friend. It is not worth causing a row over something that is quite small in the grand scheme of things (no offence to your child meant here btw).

Why can't you have both friends as godparents, OP?

Ultimately, which friend do you want to be in your child's life - and your life - for the next 20 years? It's not just about now. I have four godchildren and was honoured to be asked because I know it shows that their parents value our friendship and see it as lifelong.

Was going to weigh in on the church thing but I see you're not planning a baptism. You are however totally wrong to think that anyone can just rock up to a church if they have no record of church attendance or their own baptism/confirmation and expect their baby to be baptised. My church for one requires the parents to attend the church and classes with the vicar so they understand the promises they're making on behalf of their child. Saying words you don't believe in in a church is frowned on - it's lying to God.

Naming ceremonies don’t have rules, so why not chose both?. Why is this even a problem for you?

but some people are participants of that religion but just happend not to get christened as a child. It's not law it's religion.

Don't understand why you feel the need to tell me this. It is not relevant to this discussion.

This discussion is about OP making a mockery of a religion she does not believe in. OP is not Christian, does not intend to convert or bring her child up as a Christian but wants to get child christened because she thinks it is a nice day out. It is a disgrace and would not be tolerated if it were any of the minority religions.

@Alfie190 no now she’s saying it’s not even a christening, she’s doing a naming ceremony and just calling them godparents because it’s ‘easier’

I hope all of the posters that are condemning the OP's choices did not get married in a church if they were not practising Christians?

Depends where they get the nicest pictures, an ancient church in background looks very pretty! (Tongue in cheek, don't freak out)
Many people only show up at church for their wedding and christenings, it's accepted though. One Vicar, on Christmas Eve, facetiously wished the congregation Happy Easter too.

This seems to have morphed into a Christian bashing thread, some things have been said that were they said about other religions would have many up in arms, no change there then.
When our children were baptised we had to attend meetings with the Vicar to discuss the meaning, not sure if this still happens.

@BuffaloCauliflower Perhaps she could have said that an hour or two ago then. :-)

@Alfie190 I’m not sure it would but might have helped!

@onthenaughtystepagain tbh, I mind less about non Christians getting married in church because I think they actually believe in the vows they’re making. My fiancé isn’t a Christian and we’re marrying in church. My issue with non Christians having christenings is making a vow you don’t believe in.

Ignore the narrow-minded who only see the "god" in godparent and can't separate spirituality from theism. It's possible to be spiritual and not be christian, it's even possible to be spiritual and an atheist.

I think it's a great idea to have a Naming Ceremony and introduce your child to the community of your friends and family. Choose your child's Mentor(s) based on who you think is the most likely to be there for them now and in the future when they need support and guidance, whether spiritual or secular. It's not about balancing out things between your own friend, it's about your child's future.

Don't rush into these things. Have a word with whomever you choose to help you celebrate this, whether that's a friendly vicar or a humanist celebrant. They can give you guidance on what you should be thinking about, and are someone independent to bounce your ideas off.

Contrary to some of the comments above, most CoE vicars I've met are far more open-minded and community spirited and know that they're regularly baptising, marrying and burying non-practicing christians and non-believers as often as they are the devout.

I think what she's actually saying is she only wants to ask one of her friends to have an official supporting role in her DC's life and she's worried about the shitstorm that will ensue if she leaves her other friend out.

How the child is actually named or welcomed doesn't actually change her dilemma.

I'm also perfectly comfortable that my child's supporting adults call themselves godparents. We all know they aren't there for religious reasons. Other people don't actually need to know the ins and outs of it.

The term 'god parent' is just easier to use whatever type of ceremony you are having, christening or naming ceremony. It fits with the idea of being a special person who looks out for the child for their whole childhood. Everybody knows what it means. Other made up terms may not be so clear. I don't think there is a problem with using the term at all.

If you were thinking of having a christening, you should really research the promises and commitments you and godparents would be expected to say before deciding. It's different in different church traditions. You shouldn't ask someone to say those things if they don't believe them. They may feel obliged to do it because they have been chosen by you, but feel uncomfortable with the declaration they would have to make.
Back to the friendship issue - you can choose as many godparents as you like. Or you could choose the person you want and say that you've got other friend in mind for dc2.

That doesn’t alter the fact that baptism, marriage etc are holy sacraments.
Just for clarity, the OP only mentioned the term "god parents". They didn't open the thread with mention of baptism or christening. The assumption has been made by others that this can only relate to one specific god (out of a pantheon of many or none, you pays your money and takes your choice on this).

Neither marriage nor baptism are holy sacraments unless they occur within the framework of a religion, both can exist outside these constructs. Baptism isn't a uniquely christian ritual - it very clearly predates christianity.