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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report friend to police......

120 replies

LeilaDarling · 27/11/2018 18:44

Exactly that.
Would you? Wouldn’t you?
Does it depend on the crime/activity?
What would you turn a blind eye to and what wouldn’t you be able to ignore?

OP posts:
unlimiteddilutingjuice · 27/11/2018 22:04

Wow Leila that's dispicable. I would tell the police and I would contact the woman and warn her.

HoleyCoMoley · 27/11/2018 22:05

Yes I would report to police fraud line, they can investigate

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 27/11/2018 22:06

Leila is asking about a “principle”

And principles are context-dependant.

Would I report a friend to the police for shoplifting a packet of Polos? No, I would not.

Would I report a friend to the police for murdering someone? Yes, I would.

So without any context whatseover, it's a pointless question.

AtlasShrugged · 27/11/2018 22:06

Naw man, snitches get stitches

GunpowderGelatine · 27/11/2018 22:07

Wow OP that's awful what a horrible position you're in!

Winebottle · 27/11/2018 22:08

That's a difficult one.

If I have been told something in my capacity as a friend, it would have to be a very bad thing for me to call the police. You have been given this information on the understanding that you do not go to the police with it. You may not have agreed to do that but he thought it was implied by your relationship.

However, the opportunity to prevent further damage to the victim can override that.

On balance, I think I would distance myself and not call the police.

GunpowderGelatine · 27/11/2018 22:08

Although if you do report him I think you need to be prepared that he'll go to prison and be in the papers etc - not saying that he wouldn't deserve it (he would) but it's quite the cross to bear OP and would just want you to be prepared for that

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 27/11/2018 22:11

So he is a feckless conman who is committing fraud and targeting a specific individual.

Do you have a way to contact his victim anonymously and tell her what is happening? If you can it is likely that she will go to the police herself.

If you can't then yes I would report it to the police.

purplecorkheart · 27/11/2018 22:11

Yes I would in that case. The likelihood of them doing anything is small but normally woman in these situations are vulnerable and will give there last pence to men like your friend.

Harsh as it may be I would alert the fraud section of the police, and would alert his bank/paypal etc if I knew the details of how the money transfer is done.

I am a bit black and white with this. As a victim of a so called "victimless" financial (not like what you describe) I know what it is actually like and the distress it caused me and how years later it still impacts on me.

Original poster
LeilaDarling · 27/11/2018 22:13

I did think about trying to get hold of his phone and getting her number but then I would
A) have to go round and see him as I only know her first name
B) it’s getting complex and devious

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 27/11/2018 22:14

Drink driving-yes.
Drug dealing -yes.
Anything involving child safety -yes.
Burglary-yes.
Violence-yes.
Other sorts of illegal behaviour-possibly, depending on the seriousness. Whatever it was I would suggest they stop.

SirVixofVixHall · 27/11/2018 22:17

Oh I’ve only just read the actual situation. Yes I would report it. My mother was scammed out of a large amount of money, while she was in the early stages of dementia. It is an unforgivable thing to do to someone.

purplecorkheart · 27/11/2018 22:19

I live in a pretty small town so it may not apply for you if you are city based. It is most likely this money has to go through a bank account or Western Union.

In your case I would ring the fraud department of all the banks in that town and give his name and address and say that there will be a large transaction that is fraudlant and equally would email the fraud section of Western Union.

Again as I say I am probably ott after what happened to me and its impact.

musicposy · 27/11/2018 22:21

I would for that, yes. It's a crime with just one victim who stands to lose a lot. Plus, it's despicable behaviour. No way should he get away with that, however good a friend he is.

Tistheseason17 · 27/11/2018 22:26

He's stolen £30k from a vulnerable woman and is planning on stealing more?

And you really need to ask?

Crimestoppers is anonymous. Report it. Imagine he was doing this to someone you loved.

Mothership241 · 27/11/2018 22:26

Yes, I'd report that.

The sticking point is you'd probably need to involve her to make a report, as I'm not sure how much the police would be able to do with a third party report without the victim filing a complaint themselves.

As a first port of call personally I'd contact the woman anonymously and tell her what was going on, try to prevent her handing over any more money and then encourage her to contact the police.

JessicaJonesJacket · 27/11/2018 22:29

Do you have any proof? I'm not sure how much the police can do on hearsay.

flowerpott · 27/11/2018 22:29

First, I'd tell your friend that he's committing fraud and tell him to return the money, so at least he has the chance to do the right thing. If he doesn't, then tbh he wouldn't be my friend anymore and I'd have no worries about reporting him at all.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 27/11/2018 22:29

If you don't know the victims surname then unfortunately it is very difficult. Even if you did go to the police with the limited information that you do have I would expect that the police would be very restricted as to what they could do.

They could possibly hold the information on file in the hope that when his victim realises what has happened and hopefully reports him then your information could help build a case against him. If your (ex) friend was charged and prosecuted you could potentially be called as a witness for the prosecution if it goes to trial, is this something you would be prepared to do?

Please do not try to get hold of his phone as you could be putting yourself in a very dangerous situation if he caught you. He is knowingly engaging in criminal behaviour and if he thought that you where going to expose him then his actions may become unpredictable.

I think you have been very wise to distance yourself from him.

BumbleBeee69 · 27/11/2018 22:30

HELL YES I'd report that immediately Flowers

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 27/11/2018 22:30

*were

ILoveHumanity · 27/11/2018 22:33

I’d warn my friend

“If you do it I will report u”.

But unless you think he might harm u

Chocolate50 · 27/11/2018 22:36

yes I would, that is shit behaviour, I would report it because this woman doesn't deserve it. He may well have covered his tracks though, I would be tempted to anonymously tell her, then leave it to her to report him?

Fruitbatdancer · 27/11/2018 22:41

Absolutely, I give no fucks, my “line” to cross is very low and I would grass anyone up immediately. Especially someone who was Being mean or hurtful to anyone vulnerable.

PersonaNonGarter · 27/11/2018 22:41

Yeah, I would report him. It is a lot of money but she might recover some.

If you call her you will just get more embroiled. Call the police and tip them off with any details you have. Only if they can’t act should you call her.

You could call his bank and alert them.