MIL and advent calendar

[Sailinghappy]

So this is such a daft situation but it’s really, really annoyed me!! Am I being unreasonable in feeling so annoyed (I’m very heavily pregnant and can’t tell anymore ha!) and also what would you do now?

For context, MIL is generally very lovely and helpful with my dc, her first grandchild. She does get over excited and step over the boundaries sometimes and I tend to just deep breathe and let it go as she doesn’t seem to mean any harm by it. She does genuinely love our little one and means the best in her own way.

Anyway, I’m quite crafty and enjoy making things with/ for dc. I’ve just spent hours and hours over the last few weeks making a proper advent calendar - so proud of it!! 24 little homemade boxes full of special surprises and all dcs favourite things. I can’t wait to open them each day with dc. I’m trying to make everything extra special at the moment and savour these last few activities before new baby is here.

So MIL has just bought dc a chocolate advent calendar and wants to open it with dc each day that she sees them, has said
we can do it on the other days (she only sees dc one day each week). I feel like she’s tredding on my toes but I know that’s silly really - I’m just so annoyed by it! Why can’t she do something else?! She knows what I’ve made for dc. Would you say anything? I haven’t done yet and trying to bite my tongue. Would you open both calendars?!

I would ask her to keep the other calendar at hers, so that it's a small chocolate treat but obviously different from the one you've made together. I think I'd be pretty irritated too..... There are lots of other Christmas traditions to celebrate together.....maybe she could do another one instead?

Bite your tongue, it’s not worth it. Your daughter will love having two Advents Calendars. My daughter has the same, the choc one is quickly eaten and she enjoys the excitement of opening the one I’ve made her because it’s full of things she loves. 😊

This wouldn't bother me at all. When my eldest was young and my Mum was still alive she used to buy one for him, so did we.

I think you are lucky if this is your biggest problem. Let your MIL give your DC the chocolate! I'd understand if she went and did something similar to what you have made but it's chocolate!

Pick your battles. Hardly the end of the world to have two advent calendars to open.

Exactly - pick your battles. My dc have always had an advent calendar at granny's, they still love the ones at home.

How old is your daughter?

My mil always buys my dc one so do I then we have an activity Calendar and a book one doesn't bother me 🤷‍♀️

It’s a non issue the chocolate one takes nothing away from your one. No child has ever said actually I want less advent calendars ever.

Why be annoyed? Your dc gets 2 to open which they will like.

Your advent calendar is the special one. So think of this as your MIL being kind enough to demonstrate by just how much.

Is she saying you shouldn't do your advent calendar on days she does the chocolate one?

Im not really seeing the problem with having two calendars.

Let them have two advent calendars. One in the morning and one after school.

One year my DD has 4 calendars as well meaning relatives bought her one each and I had already got her one in. If I were you I would let her have both. Maybe split it so she gets the gift from yours in the morning and can open the chocolate one after dinner.

I can understand that it gets frustrating at times but I think grandparents just get caught up in the excitement of being involved in a small persons life again that they can go OTT or forget what it’s like to be on the parent side of it all. Chill out a bit OP, it’s only a small piece of chocolate.

Lots of people give children advent calendars. I use to get them from multiple relatives and now my dd does too. I do a wooden box one with surprises and the rest of the family give her chocolate ones.

Be really clear that DC can have only one calendar, maybe suggest lighting an advent candle with her instead? If she insists buying one it’s a tasty treat for you guys one evening after bed time.

I think what you’ve made is far more important and special than a shop bought one; i’d bite your tongue and let her open the specific day she visits for what can only be 3 weeks until Christmas and if she asks why the rest haven’t been opened say that tour DC already has an advent calendar and you don’t want them having two lots of sweets/choc every day and getting used to that. You can take the remaining choc out at the end and eat it yourself or just open the other doors yourself

Just have two. They'll both be special in their own way.

Yes pick your battles, this isn't one of them.

Are your own advent gifts sealed up? Is is too late to add the little chocolates to your little boxes? Or open the chocolate AC at a completely different time of day, after dinner perhaps?

I have a handmade advent calendar for my dc, that we get out each year. Every year, without fail, my sil buys them each a choc advent calendar which I then donate to the food bank. I have no idea why she thinks it’s her job to buy my dc an advent calendar, but I’ve never been brace enough to tell her not to! I was furious the first year (pfb), but now I just smile and say thank you. I did that the first year too to be fair, but I found it more difficult .

In your situation I’d maybe ask MIL to keep it at her house for when he’s there?

Oh fgs just let them have both. What's wrong with having 2?

Also I do appreciate that the issue is less that she has two advent calendars, more that it was your special thing that she’s encroaching on

I think it's strange that this upsets you. We always used to have more than one anyway.

How old is dc? Old enough to have one (MILs) in the bedroom and yours downstairs to open together?

I don't think MIL has done this to spite you OP.