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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and advent calendar

83 replies

Sailinghappy · 27/11/2018 18:16

So this is such a daft situation but it’s really, really annoyed me!! Am I being unreasonable in feeling so annoyed (I’m very heavily pregnant and can’t tell anymore ha!) and also what would you do now?

For context, MIL is generally very lovely and helpful with my dc, her first grandchild. She does get over excited and step over the boundaries sometimes and I tend to just deep breathe and let it go as she doesn’t seem to mean any harm by it. She does genuinely love our little one and means the best in her own way.

Anyway, I’m quite crafty and enjoy making things with/ for dc. I’ve just spent hours and hours over the last few weeks making a proper advent calendar - so proud of it!! 24 little homemade boxes full of special surprises and all dcs favourite things. I can’t wait to open them each day with dc. I’m trying to make everything extra special at the moment and savour these last few activities before new baby is here.

So MIL has just bought dc a chocolate advent calendar and wants to open it with dc each day that she sees them, has said
we can do it on the other days (she only sees dc one day each week). I feel like she’s tredding on my toes but I know that’s silly really - I’m just so annoyed by it! Why can’t she do something else?! She knows what I’ve made for dc. Would you say anything? I haven’t done yet and trying to bite my tongue. Would you open both calendars?!

OP posts:
BusyMum47 · 27/11/2018 18:40

Pick your mother in law battles very carefully - this is definitely not one to bother with!!

Your daughter will be thrilled with 2 & having a choc every now & then with grandma won't be half as special as the other one with you.

Chocolateheaven123 · 27/11/2018 18:40

I think it's actually lovely that your MIL has done this. My son is nearly 2. He has a wooden advent calendar at our house, and my mum has also bought him one. Doesn't bother me at all. Grandparents love spoiling their grandchildren. :)

SoyDora · 27/11/2018 18:42

My dad had bought my DC a playmobil one and a chocolate one, and MIL has made them one with special gifts in every day. Wouldn’t occur to me to be annoyed by it (even though it’s overkill!), they both did it because they love the DC

Treaclepie19 · 27/11/2018 18:43

I wouldn't worry. The chocolate one will be less special than the one you've made. So it won't take anything away from it.

Aragog · 27/11/2018 18:48

Children will love two advent calendars. And who doesn't like a little bit of extra chocolate!

I think it is a nice gesture that your MIL wants to do this for your child.
I don't think its over stepping any boundaries. Infact it is a fairly normal thing to an extent.

Don't try to make an issue over it, and don't try to make your DC think that he shouldn't like, or be excited, by a second one at his grandparent's house.

Nicknacky · 27/11/2018 18:48

We have a toy one and a chocolate one. Plus one to share that a neighbour hands in so I really can’t see the problem?

garethsouthgatesmrs · 27/11/2018 18:52

i undeestand why rhis upsets you when you have put so much effort in. i think you have three choices:

  1. say thank you but ask her to keep it at hers as you have made yours as a special thing for you to do together
  1. say you already have one so thanks but no thanks(will probably cause offence)
  1. let DC have two
  1. let DC open it when with granny but otherwise open it yourself and dont tell granny.

personally I would go for 4 if the DC is under 3 and unlikely to blab. Then next year I would say earlyish that you only want Dc to have one advent calendar to protect teeth so please could she avoid getting one. Then if she gets one you be open and tell her your DC wont be having it.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 27/11/2018 18:53

*4 choices

Aragog · 27/11/2018 18:53

Also, just because you sound quite annoyed/upset by MIL potentially treading on your toes.....be careful not to set yourself up for a disappointment from your DC. Little ones don't always react the way we might one them too. Your special advent calendar you've made sounds lovely, but make sure you don't get disappointed if your DC doesn't see it in quite the same way you do every day, or sometimes sounds more excited by having a piece of chocolate for his other advent calendar on those odd days.

cadburysflake · 27/11/2018 18:54

I think maybe if the boot was on the other foot and the gran had made a lovely advent calendar full of nice things and you had bought the crappy £2 one from Asda thinking it’d be a lovely thing to do I’d be annoyed. But she didn’t.

Your calendar is better, so chill out. They can have more than one calendar on the go, I’m sure they won’t mind!

Quartz2208 · 27/11/2018 18:56

She hasnt made one though has she, she has done a separate chocolate one.

My DC both have 2 calendars one an activity one/smiggle one and one chocolate and trust me both are exciting

Just do two. If this is the worst your MIL does you are very lucky

ReanimatedSGB · 27/11/2018 18:56

As someone born at the start of December, I used to get anything up to five fucking Advent calendars as birthday gifts. You might think that sounds fab, but I am so old that this was long before chocolate ones or gifty ones. All you got was pictures of candles and angels. Sometimes I would get two identical ones...

trancepants · 27/11/2018 18:56

I always do two advent calendars for my DS. One that I've handmade and is full of crafts and adventures (that's from our gnome). The other is from me and used to be one I bought but this year is another I have made and filled with little toys I've been finding and saving all year. My mum also does him an advent calendar. It doesn't diminish my son's excitement one little bit.

SoyDora · 27/11/2018 18:57

I think maybe if the boot was on the other foot and the gran had made a lovely advent calendar full of nice things and you had bought the crappy £2 one from Asda thinking it’d be a lovely thing to do I’d be annoyed. But she didn’t

That’s basically what’s happened here Grin. I’ve bought crappy £1 chocolate ones, my dad and MIL have done ‘special’ ones. I’m still not bothered though, just happy people love them and do nice things for them.

BlueJava · 27/11/2018 18:58

Mine have sometimes had more than one - in the past I've done a homemade one for them both and the Nan has sometimes sent a choc one. They are a bit old for homemade things now but still love getting choc ones!

YearOfYouRemember · 27/11/2018 18:59

Blimey, an aunt has bought their niece/ nephew a calendar and their mum has got the hump Hmm. Maybe the aunt wants to do something nice rather than thinking it's her job to buy it Hmm.

Bryonee · 27/11/2018 19:01

I think it's quite controlling of her to give it and then say she wants to open it with your DC on the days she sees her- good grief.

TeenTimesTwo · 27/11/2018 19:01

2 different types of calendars makes it twice as much fun.

We have a proper advent calendar (slot in pictures to make a nativity scene), and also a chocolate one.

blackteasplease · 27/11/2018 19:03

Why don't they just open a weeks worth of your MiL s one each week when she comes round? You can always forget in the mean time. Then yours remains the daily surprise and mils put away until she comes.

It's apparently better for the teeth if they are going to have chocolate to eat it all in one go than every day anyway.

Bryonee · 27/11/2018 19:03

I also think it's weird and profligate to have more than one advent calendar, it does detract from the original IMO.

NotTheMrMenAgain · 27/11/2018 19:04

My DD ends up with four different advent calendars each year, without fail, as various relatives like to give them.

It's never occurred to me to be irked and she's never once complained about SO many doors to open......think you might need to chill a bit there OP.

apostropheuse · 27/11/2018 19:05

It's no different to grandparents giving Easter Eggs at Easter or a Selection Box along with their gift, really. I think it's lovely.

She just really loves her grandchild.

Flipflop789 · 27/11/2018 19:05

Just say no thanks you have one already... no harm done she can eat it herself

Biggles398 · 27/11/2018 19:06

I think you're over reacting. My daughter gets one from us and one from My mum. It's not a big thing!

merrymouse · 27/11/2018 19:06

Absolutely fine to have two or more advent calendars. It sounds as though they are quite different anyway, but the main difference is one is about your child's relationship with her granny and one is about your child's relationship with you. There is no cross over and it isn't a competition.

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