Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

MIL and advent calendar

83 replies

Sailinghappy · 27/11/2018 18:16

So this is such a daft situation but it’s really, really annoyed me!! Am I being unreasonable in feeling so annoyed (I’m very heavily pregnant and can’t tell anymore ha!) and also what would you do now?

For context, MIL is generally very lovely and helpful with my dc, her first grandchild. She does get over excited and step over the boundaries sometimes and I tend to just deep breathe and let it go as she doesn’t seem to mean any harm by it. She does genuinely love our little one and means the best in her own way.

Anyway, I’m quite crafty and enjoy making things with/ for dc. I’ve just spent hours and hours over the last few weeks making a proper advent calendar - so proud of it!! 24 little homemade boxes full of special surprises and all dcs favourite things. I can’t wait to open them each day with dc. I’m trying to make everything extra special at the moment and savour these last few activities before new baby is here.

So MIL has just bought dc a chocolate advent calendar and wants to open it with dc each day that she sees them, has said
we can do it on the other days (she only sees dc one day each week). I feel like she’s tredding on my toes but I know that’s silly really - I’m just so annoyed by it! Why can’t she do something else?! She knows what I’ve made for dc. Would you say anything? I haven’t done yet and trying to bite my tongue. Would you open both calendars?!

OP posts:

charliebear78 · 27/11/2018 19:06

Gosh my Children have had two Advent Calendars for as long as I can remember!
My Mum always gets them one and I do too.

TeeniefaeTroon · 27/11/2018 19:06

I make my kids advent calendars every year, like yours a wee box with treats or toys in it. They also get one from my mum at hers, MIL at hers and one at ours from my sister. It doesn't bother me as mine is better 😁

Puffinhead · 27/11/2018 19:07

You could take the chocolates from your MIL’s and put in your calendar.

SilverLining10 · 27/11/2018 19:08

I always think people who behave this way are just selfish and it's more about them feeling important rather than their DC. What's the crime in her having 2? Do you feel that its going to take something away from you? Because that is really selfish.

pictish · 27/11/2018 19:14

It is very common for grandparents to buy advent colanders for their grandchildren...my mum always did and my mil still does. It’s a love thing.

Don’t be jealous and possessive over your child with trivial shit like this.
Come on now.

Crunchymum · 27/11/2018 19:14

What is it that is bothering you OP?

Is it because you have gone to so much trouble and feel MIL is trying to upstage you?

I would say it's only an issue if MIL wanted to bin yours, or wanted to come round every day to open the calendar.

Just let your child have them both? In the grand scheme of MIL problems, this is a massive non issue.

howonearthdoyoucopewith3 · 27/11/2018 19:15

I don't want to be mean, but I think you are taking your calendar a bit too seriously. Alpha mummy stuff tends not to matter to kids as much as it does to mums! 2 calendars wouldn't bother me at all.

RomanyRoots · 27/11/2018 19:15

My 3 used to get one from me and dh and then grandma/ her husband, and grandad/his wife.
Every year they did it despite me saying I was.
I just let them get on with it tbh, as long as they didn't overstep the mark with important things.

If you do speak up you'll find she backs off a bit, you needn't be rude or confrontational just ask her to ask next time.
Can you empty the chocs out of hers and put them in yours.

OutPinked · 27/11/2018 19:18

I do think this is your hormones at play. My Dc get a few advent calendars every year because a few relatives insist on buying them one. Doesn’t bother me and they’re definitely not complaining.

C8H10N4O2 · 27/11/2018 19:18

Let them have both. Maybe one at DGM and one at home, or one to open in the morning and one in the evening.

Maybe even one for DC specifically and one to open on behalf of the new baby (but obviously DC has to eat the chocolate for the baby). DGM might well be on board with that as its not just for DC but to make a positive vibe around the new baby.

howonearthdoyoucopewith3 · 27/11/2018 19:20

Why on earth would you empty the chocs out of the other calendar?!!

Twisique · 27/11/2018 19:21

My MIL always wanted all the important firsts, first bike etc. She also wanted the first advent calendar. The children don't remember. If I were you I would keep hers in the kitchen and yours in the top spot.

zeeboo · 27/11/2018 19:22

This is such a non problem. I always had calendars from my mum and my grannies and my youngest dd has one from her God Mother as well.
We don't own our children, we are their caretakers. We can't and shouldn't control how others show their love for them.

jipjop · 27/11/2018 19:22

Why are people so angry over an advent calendar? I just read on of the reply's about her sister buying her daughter one and she was furious?! Am I missing something?

I'm sorry but YABU. You are being far too precious and I think you should just be grateful. One chocolate a day really isn't going to take anything away from your lovely home made one.

Original poster

Sailinghappy · 27/11/2018 19:24

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to reply - reading your thoughts has help d me to calm down ha! I think I’m being overly sentimental about my calendar because I put so much effort and love into it (and also because I’m a big bag of hormones 😂). MIL does have form for overstepping boundaries - for example the time she announced she was throwing a second party at her house for my daughter’s first birthday a few days after our big party for her haaaaaa! But honestly, she’s a really nice lady and I think she gets carried away rather than meaning it rudely. I would just prefer it to be my calendar with my daughter, for it to be our activity together, but I don’t want to offend MIL at all. I think I will bye my tongue this time and suggest to MIL that it might be nicer to have one calendar at her house next year so she can open it with her on those days?! Thanks again everyone!

OP posts:

BabyDubsEverywhere · 27/11/2018 19:27

Some years my dc have ended up with FOUR chocolate advent calendars each... I have four DC, so that was sixteen bloody calendars lined up on the side! DC were very happy though :)

StarsHollow123 · 27/11/2018 19:29

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP.

If you'd just bought her a chocolate one then yes I'd say bite your tongue. However you've clearly spent a lot of time and effort to make this something special so there is no need for a chocolate one.

I'd thank her for the kind gesture but simply say that DD already has one at your house so give the chocolate one back to GM to stay at her house. That way GM gets to enjoy the bonus chocolate on the days she doesn't see your DD. Everyone wins.

howonearthdoyoucopewith3 · 27/11/2018 19:30

I think there is so much pressure these days on being perfect and mums think that if they hand make everything it will mean more to the children. It really doesn't! You are showing your love in that way but it may not be received in that way.

Aarghhelpplease · 27/11/2018 19:31

I think that you are BU (sorry). I think that the calendars are so different it really doesn’t matter. My parents buy my children one as do myself and my DH. We always make sure that they are different but the children love it. Please bite your tongue your advent calendar will still be special and your child will love the chocolate one too.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/11/2018 19:32

How old is DC?

Hadehahaha · 27/11/2018 19:32

For what it’s worth OP I have the Same kind of thing with my mil and it winds me up too, but I also don’t think it’s worth a fuss so I bite my toungue!

Dreamingofkfc · 27/11/2018 19:37

I don't mind advent calendars but my step mum bought my first a stocking, now that enraged me! I didn't give it back to her after and made it clear we as the parents did the stocking! Your daughter will love yours more than the chocolate one do I'd just let it go.

Easterbuns1 · 27/11/2018 19:48

I don’t normally reply to posts like this but wow, just wow. It’s a chocolate advent calendar she’s bought her it’s hardly a massive issue. Some years my two have ended up with up to 4 of the bloody things from various relatives I’ve certainly never seen it as an issue!

pictish · 27/11/2018 19:49

When you say a second party, what do you mean?

My mum always used to have a little party at her house for dc birthdays. Never occurred to me to be anything but charmed by it. If my mil did the same I wouldn’t mind. I don’t think it’s overstepping boundaries, I think it’s nice. You threw the main party...the limelight was yours. What’s the problem?

RiverTam · 27/11/2018 20:08

I understand your frustration - but DD has a homemade advent calendar from her great aunt, a normal one from her grandma and a chocolate one from us - and she loves them all, she has been talking about getting great auntie’s out of the loft in time for Saturday.

Your little one will love the tradition of your home made one every year, just as he/she will love Granny’s chocolate one.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread